


Tale of the Champions

by AnyGivenGame01 (conceptstage)



Series: BJ and Mal Hawke [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Canon-Typical Violence, Circle Mage Bethany Hawke, F/F, F/M, Hawke Family Feels, M/M, Mage Hawke (Dragon Age), Purple Hawke, Red Hawke, Slow Build, Suicide Attempt, Warden Carver Hawke, Warrior Hawke (Dragon Age), alive wesley, hawke family alive, mention of domestic abuse, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2018-06-02
Packaged: 2019-02-16 20:12:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 82,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13061316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conceptstage/pseuds/AnyGivenGame01
Summary: When Templars, dragons, witches, and darkspawn try to take on the Hawke family, they will find they've met their match. BJ Hawke and her twin, Mal, could be all that stands between Kirkwall and utter chaos. And maybe they cause a bit of chaos too, but it honestly wasn't completely their fault this time, they swear.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her home, gone. Her father, dead. Everything that matters is on the line. All they can do now is run.

CHAPTER ONE

In the distance, their home in Lothering burned like it was nothing. One minute it was there, on their little farm, bursting full with memories and heirlooms and songs and laughter and the next it was nothing on their nothing farm and everything that had once been inside had escaped in the winds. 

BJ Hawke and the only people in the entire world that mattered (her mother, her brothers and her sister) stood for a moment and watched from a mountain path just out of town. “Let’s go,” she said, turning away from the flames coldly. It was not the first time their home had burned to ashes but it would be the last. They could never come here again. They could never rebuild this.

“Beej,” Mal said, stepping up beside her with their mother’s arm tossed over his shoulders. Her other arm was over Carver’s shoulders, broader and higher than his older brother’s, and they helped her to walk on her twisted ankle. “Mom can’t keep pace. We need to slow down.”

“We can’t slow down, Mal, they’re right behind us. If we stop to catch our breath they’ll be on us in minutes.”

“Listen to your sister,” their mother said, her voice hoarse from smoke and her face dark with ashes. The older twins’ faces were ashy too, from when they had run in and pulled the older woman out of the flames. “I’m fine, boys, I’m fine.”

BJ wiped her eyes with the arm of her tunic to clear the ash from her vision and nodded. “We have to keep moving.”

They heard noises on the paths behind them. The swarm was getting nearer and in her mind’s eye BJ saw Bethany being torn apart at the limbs, their mother reaching out for help only to be swallowed by the hoard, Carver turning gray in the face and black in his veins as the taint overtook him. And Mal, sweet, stupid Mal, who would fight them until he fell, and he _ would _ fall. No, she swore as she led the most important people in the world forward. No, she would die before any of that happened. She started walking faster.

It was nearly an hour down the path when their mother stepped on her ankle and blacked out from the pain, all of her weight dropping and she slid from the boys’ loose grips. “Ma!” Carver called as he kneeled down beside her.

She was awake again before she even hit the ground and waved her son away as she sat up. “I’m fine, I’m sorry, I’m fine.”

BJ stepped between her family and the path they’d just come from. “Bethie, get Mother and move back, they’re here.”

Bethany started to protest, she was a mage too you know, but her sister’s glare shut her up and she helped their mother hop up a small outcropping, higher than the rest of the path and out of view. The world fell to an eerie quiet like the breath before the pin dropped, and then Mal could hear it too.

Shuffling footsteps and the clang of swords and the maniacal cackle of the monsters.

It was another breath, another pin drop, and the monsters cleared the corner and came into view. 

Darkspawn.

They were disgusting, horrid creatures with mangled faces and limbs and skin the color of a putrid wound that clung to their disfigured bones like sap. Their teeth were too big for their mouths, both too wide and too long, and caused drool and foam to drip from the corners like a rabid, jowly dog. When they caught sight of the three Hawke siblings the ones in front let out a battle cry that would haunt a thousand Ferelden dreams for decades to come.

The group moved forward at a renewed pace, swinging their weapons back and forth and trampling one another without care. Luckily, BJ thought as she called lighting to her fingers tips, there weren’t many. Only two dozen or so, and less each time they ran their own fellows over. Blue lightening danced around her twitchy, eager fingers like it was keeping time to the quickest rhythm in the world. If she tuned out the cackling, the battle cries, the stomping feet, she could almost hear the rhythm too, faster than any human feet could match.

Just a moment. Just one moment more. She gave a battle cry of her own when they were finally close enough and she threw her arm out in front of her. “Aaaaaaagh!” she cried as the lighting flew from her fingertips and shocked several of the monsters at the head of the group until they were immobilized and trampled into the red dirt. 

15 left, if her hurried counting was correct.

Mal and Carver surged forward at once with the kind of synchronization that only came from years of fighting together. She and her father had been that way once, reading each other’s minds and moving as if a single heart controlled them both. But he was dead now and he took the heart with him.

Carver slashed with his giant great sword, his muscles bulging in the cloth shirt he wore under his leather chest piece. Mal had a smaller sword for a leaner man and a shield the size of his torso with the Hawke sigil proudly emblazoned on the front.

With each swipe, she kept her count.

14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9…

“Brace yourselves,” she called before she brought forth an earthquake under their feet. The ground opened and a monster foot got caught. It didn’t have long to dwell or struggle before its head was loped off in a single smooth motion. When the monsters were off balance she held her hands out in front of her, palms up, and raised them until they were above her head and ice surged through the cracks in the ground, stabbing several monsters and missing her brothers deliberately.

3…

And then, with another slice of Carver’s blade, none.

She let the ice fall back to water and soak into the ground and then turned back down the path.

“Are they gone?” Bethany asked as she helped Leandra to her feet.

“Yeah,” BJ said, walking up the outcropping and helping the older woman down. By the time they were at the bottom, the boys had made it over and Carver took a deep breath before lifting his mother up off the ground.

She cackled in surprise and that brought a smile to her children’s faces, even BJ let a reluctant twitch of her lips crack her sour face.

Leandra pat her younger son’s shoulder. “You take after your father, you know, he used to lift me like that all the time when we were younger and your mother a few pounds lighter.”

“Nonsense, Ma,” Carver said, still grinning as he and his siblings followed BJ down the path once more. “You’re light as a feather.”

They were quiet as they continued on. Carver didn’t show it but BJ could tell that carrying their mother was tiring him. At this rate, he’d be no help at all if they had to fight again. It was an hour before they found an abandoned shack and BJ kicked open the door with little regard. It crashed to the floor and she stepped over it, pushing dusty dishes off the table and onto the floor.

“Sit her down,” she said as she sifted around in the small pack of supplies they were able to loot from the town general store before it had been consumed by the flames burning through the bar next door. She wasn’t even entirely sure what was in it. Some food she had grabbed, minimal first aid, and a pack of sugar for some reason. She raised an eyebrow and waved the sugar at her siblings. “Okay, who took up valuable pack space with sugar?” None of them answered but Mal was looking particularly ashamed so she just set it aside and rooted through the medical supplies. 

There was enough tape to wrap the ankle once, but if it needed to be redone somewhere down the line of their escape they were out of luck. She took her mother’s ankle and held it gingerly, running her fingers over what she now realized was a fracture. Her mother hissed in pain and squeezed Mal’s hand in her own. “Oh, Dear, don’t… don’t…” she mumbled.

“Sorry, Mother,” BJ said as she lifted her leg up higher to get a better hold on it. “But it’s worse than we thought. Definitely broken, I’ll need to splint it. Carver, look for any wooden spoons. Break off the heads and bring me the sticks.” With Carver’s help she got her mother’s ankle splinted and wrapped securely. “How’s that feel?”

“Much better, dear. I don’t suppose you and Carver could fashion a crutch for me out of kitchen utensils?”

Mal chuckled and helped his mother back down to the floor. “I don’t think even BJ could do that, Ma. We’ll keep an eye out for a suitable branch.”

BJ frowned like she took offence to that but headed for the door to the shack. Suddenly, she froze and held up a hand to stop her family. “Shhht. Listen.”

They didn’t have to listen too hard, it sounded like a battle just a few yards away from them. Swords clashing against swords, human grunts, Darkspawn screams.

“Someone needs our help,” Mal said, as he and BJ rushed through the door. 

“Stay inside, Ma,” Bethany said as she ran out behind Carver and shut the door behind her.

Outside the shack and down the path a bit were two humans, one a fiery red headed woman and the other an unremarkable looking brunette man, fighting off a small hoard of Darkspawn. The man was stabbed and he collapsed to the ground as the woman beheaded his attacker. 

“No,” she screamed, in a voice both determined and grieving. “They will not have you, Wesley, they will not have you.”

Mal and Carver rushed forward to help and BJ paused just away from the fighting to access the battlefield. She stared at the man for a long second before recognizing the symbol on his armor (splattered with blood that it was) and gasping. “Wait!” she called to Bethany, just a moment too late to stop her from casting a spell. Between the four warriors they were able to make quick work of the Darkspawn and the Hawkes grouped up as the red head helped the man to his feet. When he was standing his emblem was in full view.

Templar…


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BJ would stand between her sister and a million Templars. Luckily this time it's only one.

CHAPTER TWO

“Stay back, mage,” the Templar said glaring at Bethany with a hate in his eyes that the two mages were more than familiar with. 

Bethany sneered. “Oh, but the Maker does have a sense of humor. Darkspawn and now a Templar? I thought you all abandoned us in Lothering.”

“Darkspawn are clear in their intent,” he said, ignoring her. “But a mage is always unknown. The order dictates…” he stumbled and the red head sighed as she helped him regain his balance.

“Dear…”

He shrugged her off and took a menacing step towards Bethany. “The order dictates….”

BJ was between them in a flash with her pointer and middle fingers pressed together and up in his face. Lightening licked around them again and his eyes widened. “Try it, Templar. You will lose.”

He was under the impression that he could take her had he been at full strength. Lucky for him he would not need to find out that he was wrong, at least not this day.

“Dear, they saved us,” the red head said calmly and holding his arm loosely. “The Maker understands.”

BJ waved at her siblings without taking her eyes off the Templar. “Go get Mother,” she said. “We’re moving on.”

Carver and Bethany hurried back to the shack and Mal stayed behind with her. “I’m Mal,” he said, kind and unable to read the tension in a room as always. “This is my twin sister, BJ. Don’t take it personally, she’s very protective.”

The red head looked between BJ and her husband, who had stepped away from each other but were still watching each other suspiciously. “I’m Aveline. This is my husband, Wesley.”

Mal looked Wesley up and down before frowning and moving over to whisper in his sister’s ear. “They should come with us,” he whispered.

BJ glared at him. “What?” She didn’t bother lowering her voice.

“They should come with us. The man, he’s tainted. He won’t last long and we can’t leave her alone out here.”

“We can and we will.” Now she was whispering. “We can’t take the risk. She’s not wearing the uniform but you can bet someone who married a Templar hates mages just as much as they do. We can’t trust her.”

“What is one woman going to do against the four children of the greatest mage of this age?”

“I’m not letting those people near Bethany. Tell them about the taint and let them decide what to do about it.” She hissed back quietly as the younger twins and their mother hobbled to the group.

Mal sighed and looked between his twin and the Templar before nodding and stepping towards them. The Templar and his wife tensed but didn’t move away. “There is something you should know. Your man,” he said, nodding to Wesley but looking at Aveline. “He’s been infected by the taint.” He turned the Wesley then as the Templar’s face paled. “I saw many cases at Ostagar and a good friend of mine died from it, I recognize the signs.”

The two looked shaken and just stared at each other in silence. 

“That’s not true, is it Wesley?” Aveline asked.

“One of them cut me back there. It doesn’t feel more painful than a usual wound but I suppose it’s possible.”

Mal shook his head. “No, it wouldn’t. You won’t notice it until gets close to your heart.”

Aveline started tearing at Wesley’s armor. “Off, get this off, I have to see.”

Wesley was still shocked still but his wife made quick work of his armor until his upper half was bare. There were black tendrils starting from a wound near his left elbow and crawling up his bicep and down towards his wrist.

Aveline’s face was hard with determination and BJ found herself beginning to like this Templar-lover. Anyone who looked pissed in the face of their loved one’s certain death instead of devastated was worth liking. “There must be something we can do. An antidote… the Grey Wardens…”

“Anything or anybody that could help your man is days out. He has hours.”

“Oh, for…” BJ grunted and rolled her eyes. “Move.” She pushed her brother out of the way and came to stand next to the Templar, pulling off her belt. “Lie down.” He looked hesitant and glanced at this wife, who shrugged. “Do you want to live or not? Lie down.” 

He slowly laid on the hard ground and she pressed the leather of her belt in between his teeth. 

“Beej, what are you doing?” Mal asked. She ignored him.

“Stop,” Aveline said, grabbing BJ’s arm. “I’m his wife, I have a right to know what you’re planning to do to my husband.”

“I’m cutting his arm off.” 

Wesley’s eyes widened and he looked at his wife, panicked. Aveline gripped his hand reassuringly but didn’t look at him. “Will that save him? If you cut off the arm, will he live?”

“Maybe. Amputation is a risk, but his chance of living otherwise is zero. He’s lucky it was his arm. If the wound was on his torso he’d be dead for sure.”

BJ looked directly into Aveline’s eyes and she stared back. Neither woman broke their gaze for several long seconds before Aveline nodded and released BJ’s arm. She turned to Wesley and smiled. “It’ll be okay, honey, I’ve got you.”

Wesley still looked concerned but held out his arm. BJ started moving everyone into place. Bethany was on call to start a healing spell the second the arm was off, Carver was sitting on Wesley’s arm to keep it steady, Leandra was sitting beside Aveline and whispering words of encouragement at the couple, while Mal kept watch for Darkspawn.

The noon sun was hot in the sky and BJ quickly swiped at the sweat beading on her forehead before it could get into her eyes. She needed to concentrate. 

BJ aimed her brother’s sword once, twice, three times, before holding it over her head. “One quick slice and it’s over. No one moves, no one breathes, no one winces, this has to work perfectly or it’s all for naught.” No one moved and she nodded. “On the count of three. One…” and then she brought the sword down with all her might, slicing off the arm with perfect precision.

Wesley screamed around the leather belt in his mouth and then breathed heavily through his nose as he bit down on it. Aveline held his hand and Leandra brushed his sweaty hair out of his face. Bethany moved forward and started her healing spell. Carver jumped up and gagged when he realized that he sitting on a dismembered arm and walked hurriedly over to stand with his older brother at the head of the path.

BJ picked up the infected arm and tossed it down the rocky hill side before turning and going to stand with her brothers. “Okay, we need a plan,” Mal said and BJ nodded in agreement. 

“We just got two extra passengers, we can’t keep running aimlessly anymore,” she said.

Mal smiled and raised an eyebrow. “You’re letting them come with us?”

“I just cut off the guy’s arm, I can’t exactly leave them here with him unable to defend himself,” she sneered, clearly upset by the idea of the Templar tagging along but resigned.

Mal smirked and wrapped an arm around his sister, pulling her close until their sides were pressed together. “I knew you were a softy under all that barbed wire.” BJ frowned but didn’t attempt to escape from Mal’s hold. “So, what the plan?”

“North is blocked off,” Aveline said as she walked up behind them. 

“Hey,” Mal said, surprised that she had left her husband’s side. “How’s Wesley?”

“Passed out from the pain. Bethany is doing very well, it’s healing quickly.”

BJ had to fight to keep from looking smug, but she failed. “Of course she’s doing well. I taught her everything she knows.”

“You can’t do healing magic, you didn’t teach her that,” Mal said chuckling.

BJ pushed his arm off of her but didn’t reply and changed the subject back. “So, we can’t go north.”

“The Wilds are to the south,” Carver interjected. “That’s no way.”

“I’m not running directly into the hoard. We’ll go south.”

Carver glared at her, the years of resentment surging up to the surface. “Why do you get to be in charge? Just because you’re the oldest?”

BJ was shorter than he was (she was shorter than most people, to be honest) but when she straightened her back authoritatively and put her hands on her hips Carver felt small. “I’m in charge,” she said, her voice eerily calm. “Because I’m in charge. Would you like to try?” At first it appeared that he might take her up on that but she continued. “Be prepared to feel the weight of four lives bearing down at you at all times to the point where you can’t sleep at night. Every time you make a decision for the rest of your life you’re going see in your mind every single one of them dying over and over, because what if you’re wrong? Are you ready for that?” Carver stared at her defiantly for a long moment before looking away and the resentment bubbled down to the light simmer that it always was. BJ nodded. “We go south and take ship when we reach the coast.”

“Take ship to where?” Mal asked.

Leandra came up beside them. “We’ll go to Kirkwall.”

BJ frowned. “There are a lot of Templars in Kirkwall, Mother. Bethany….”

“Would be safe behind our name. In Kirkwall money is all that matters and the Amells have a lot of it. We have an estate and status, it’s the only thing that can protect you both now. As long as neither of you casts publicly the Templars will leave you alone, even if they do suspect you of magic.”

"And we don't have to stay forever. We'll lie low just long enough to get on our feet and then move out to a farm in the country side. A year, maybe two,” Mal said.

"Two years in Kirkwall or Darkspawn…" BJ mumbled.

"Well?" Carver asked. 

"I'm thinking!" BJ snapped.

Carver threw up his arms. "What's to think about? Certain death or a few years in a piece of shit city?"

"I'm not sure that taking Bethany to Kirkwall isn't certain death for her too. Just let me think." She turned and started pacing as she thought. It was several minutes, the only sounds being the distant echoes of fighting, the hum from Bethany's magic, and the quiet patter of BJ's small feet. Finally she stopped moving and stared off into space. "Red Iron…" she mumbled. “Kirkwall… a few months." She nodded then and turned back to them. "Kirkwall it is, then."

Mal raised an eyebrow. "You gonna tell us the plan?"

"Nope. All you need to know is that we're going to Kirkwall." She turned to Aveline then. "Are you two interested in coming with us? We could take ship together and then part ways in Kirkwall."

Aveline looked thoughtfully down at Wesley before nodding. "Kirkwall should be fine. We can save up enough to get a ship home after the Blight is over in a city like that."

"Then we're agreed. Bethie, how much longer?"

"Almost finished."

BJ walked over to look at it and nodded. "Good work. It's not pretty," she told Aveline "But it shouldn't get infected. You'll need to care for it though and it should be painful for a while. Wake your man up, we need to get moving. Darkspawn can smell blood, they’re probably swarming this way right now. We need to keep moving.”

Aveline stripped her husband of his armor until he was just in his leather vest and cotton long pants and Carver carried him down the path. They were slow moving, Wesley was far heavier than Leandra and Leandra was hobbling along with a makeshift crutch and her splinted ankle.

Mal walked ahead, scouting occasionally to make sure they weren’t about to walk into the hoard and BJ and Aveline walked in the back in case they were caught from behind.

“I had a question,” Aveline started after several minutes of silence between them. Carver and Bethany were chatting a few yards in front of them and Mal had run off ahead to check out a clearing.

BJ frowned but nodded. “Alright.”

“Your brother said earlier that you can’t do healing magic yet your sister is obviously very talented in it. Were you two not given the same training? I was under the impression from your conversations that you were taught by your father together.”

BJ was surprised and it must have shown on her face. This was not really the question she had expected. “We were. I just never had a talent for healing magic. Fire based magic is hard for me too.”

“I don’t understand. You mean that you didn’t enjoy healing magic?”

“No, I mean I literally could not do it. Mages are not all-powerful. We all have our talents and our short comings. Anything I tried to heal withered and died. I killed several rodents trying to save them before my father decided that perhaps the art of healing was not for me. Bethany took to it like a fish to water, she once brought back a mouse I had tried to heal from the brink of death. Bethany is amazing at defensive magic and wards but whenever she tried lightening or fire it fizzled out. No one mage can do everything, though the really good ones can do most things.”

“And you? Can you do most things?”

BJ smirked at her. “Healing is pretty much the only thing I cannot do.”

“What about fire? You said that one earlier too.”

“I have trouble with fire for a different reason,” she said, her smirk falling into a frustrated frown. “To cast fire you need to focus on anger. You let rage fill you until it bubbles out and has no other place to go. I do not get angry often but when I do... it consumes me. The very first time I tried to cast fire my father asked me to ignite a small pile of sticks and then tried to make me angry by bringing up a few different scenarios. No matter what he said I could not summon a single flame. We thought for a while that maybe it was like healing. Maybe I just couldn’t do it. But then Bethany comes running up, she hadn’t yet manifested her powers at this point, and told Pa ‘An older boy gave Carver a black eye’. I nearly burned the woods down.”

Aveline shook her head. “And mages wonder why people fear them.”

BJ glared at her and stopped walking. Aveline stopped as well and looked back at her daringly. “When I was thirteen, a man in town burned his wife and six children alive in their house because he thought she had been unfaithful to him. He wasn’t a mage, just a person, a soldier like you. I burned down some trees. If you can’t tell the difference then maybe it’s mages that should fear people like you.” She started walking and they did not speak again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here be dragons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As of right now I have 15 chapters finished and now that i have the first couple out I plan to update once a week.

CHAPTER THREE

They reached a large clearing and BJ moved everyone over to the rock wall. It was easily defensible and she could see the entire clearing so no monsters could creep up on them. "Catch your breath. Five minutes then we're off again."

Wesley dropped to the ground like a sack of rocks and groaned. Aveline ran over and pressed her waterskin to his lips, letting him suck it down like a choking man sucked down air.

Leandra checked his bandage and nodded, pleased with Bethany's work. "I think you're gonna be just fine, young man," she said, smiling motherly down at him. Mal and Caver were chatting about something they'd witnessed at Ostagar and Bethany was dozing against the rock near BJ's feet. BJ kept flicking her eyes between the different paths up to the clearing. 

It was quiet besides the boys’ quiet jests and Wesley’s occasional noise of pain but under that there was something…. off. BJ couldn’t put her finger on it but there was something causing her hackles to rise. She closed her eyes and listened as focused as she was able, blocking out Mal’s fart joke and Wesley’s whining. Then she heard it. It wasn’t so much a pitter patter of feet as it was a quick shuffling, like someone carrying something heavy. And, as she listened, she could tell that it wasn’t only one set of shuffling feet. It wasn’t only two, or even only ten. There were dozens, and they were getting louder and closer.

“They’re upon us,” she said, pushing herself off the wall and calling on a spell that pulled rocks from the ground to cover her chest and stomach like armor.

Mal and Carver got quiet and were instantly standing at attention, looking around and pulling out their swords. It was quiet for a long few seconds and Mal didn’t hear a thing. “Are you sure?” he asked his sister, slowly coming out of a defensive position. 

“Shhht,” BJ hissed, waving her hand urgently at him. “It’s Darkspawn or an army of people who shuffle their feet when they walk, either way we should be prepared.”

Bethany tried to stand but Leandra had a tight grip on her arm out of fear, so she knelt down beside her. Aveline propped Wesley up against the rock wall and stood herself, pulling out her own sword and coming to stand beside the brunette mage.

“It’s not just the little ones,” she whispered.

BJ nodded. She heard it too. Heavy, ground shaking footsteps getting closer and closer. Mal frowned and listened closely. “An ogre,” he mumbled under a shocked exhale.

The buildup felt palpable around them, like the tension could squeeze them so tightly they’d become diamonds. And when it broke, it broke with the battle cry of several genlocks as they rounded the corners with weapons drawn and shaking in the air.

BJ and the others ran to meet them, Mal screaming obscenities, Aveline with a battle cry of her own, Carver with a grunt of effort as he swung his two handed sword around his body and chopped clean through three Darkspawn next to him, and BJ with a quiet focus and stoicism uncommon on a battle field. Swords bounced off her rock armor, chipping it away slowly before she cast the creatures away with a great surge of wind. She raised up her arm, elbow straight and wrist turned up, and a column of rock, pointed sharply at the end, shot out of the ground and impaled four creatures. Their bodies hung limply from the rock as BJ moved on and did the same to seven other Dawkspawn nearing her mother and Wesley. The pointed end of the skewer stabbed into the rock wall several feet above them and dirt and small rocks rained down on their heads.

The large, heavy footsteps that BJ had almost forgotten about got louder and heavier as the ogre rounded the corner and roared, shaking the brunette mage down to her bones. It ran towards her with long strides, stepping on its fellow Darkspawn without a care. As it got nearer she thrust her hands forward, palms in front and two spikes of earth shot out from beside her, impaling the ogre in each shoulder. It roared again and yanked its arm, ripping the spike out of the ground and then reached over with that arm to break off the other spike in the same manner. It pulled both spikes from its body and threw one at her, roaring yet again when she Fade Stepped out of the way.

Mal ran up where she had previously been and leapt over the base of the spike still sticking out of the ground and roared back at the monster before running towards it. The ogre threw the other spike in its hand at him and BJ tackled him out of the way, both of them rolling to safety.

BJ jumped off his body and ran back into the fray while he tried to regain his bearings, looking around at the symphony of battle surrounding him. The ogre smashed its fists around the ground several times, throwing BJ off balance as she tried to get near. When the shaking stopped and BJ regained her balance, she threw himself on her knees with both palms pressed flat against the dirt. She narrowed her eyes at the ogre as it started running towards her. “Come and get me, you ugly bastard,” she whispered.

And it did. With a deafening roar it got nearer and nearer and when she felt it was close enough, she screamed and sent every ounce of power she had into the ground, creating a spike larger than the other four she had created that day combined. It shot up out of the ground right below the ogre and impaled it through the pelvis, but didn’t stop there. It grew taller and taller until it was twice the height of the ogre itself and the ogre slid slowly down it, swiping at the wound and roaring in pain as it died.

BJ felt drained but there were still dozens of Darkspawn surrounding them. She could barely lift her arms for all the power she had just used. But Mal threw himself over her hunched back and covered her head with his shield just in time to block a swipe from a Darkspawn’s sword that would have taken it off. He leaned over her and stabbed it, throwing it aside and off his blade.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered, smiling down at her. “This is just like at Denerim.”

“I don’t want to talk about Denerim. That pirate bitch still owes me,” she said, glaring but comforted by his joviality. 

Carver called to them from where he was defending their mother and Wesley against the wall. “There’s too many,” he said. Bethany was holding up a shield around them to protect against projectiles and she was obviously tiring as well. Aveline was holding her own nearby but she got slower with each swing of her sword.

BJ didn’t have an optimistic bone in her body. “We’re going to die,” she said, resigned. The best they could do was hold the hoard off long enough for Leandra, Bethany, and Wesley to escape.

Mal didn’t have a pragmatic bone in his body. “We are not going to die!” he insisted. There was a roar and for a short second BJ feared that another ogre had found them. But it was higher pitched than an ogre and louder. She followed the sound with her eyes and they widened when she saw a red violet dragon perched on top of the cliff above her family. Mal gaped. “Oh, Maker, we’re going to die.”

The dragon roared again and opened its wings wide before swooping down on the battle and breathing fire on the Darkspawn and scorching them to ash. Mal brought up his shield to protect them both but the fire never came near enough to harm them. BJ could feel the heat pressing against her fingertips, still splayed on the ground to hold herself up, like a hot blade but the dragon avoided them. Mal swiped at a flaming Darkspawn that screamed as it escaped the fires but before it got close enough to reach the dragon snatched it up off the ground in its great maw and flew up high, only to drop the mangled body.

When the last monster died in a cyclone of flames the dragon landed right in front of the older twins. It glowed a soft white and shrunk before their very eyes. When the shrinking stopped and the light faded away, all that was left was a woman. She was tall and scantily dressed with white hair that was styled back like horns from the sides of her head. Mal grabbed BJ from behind, his arm wrapped around under her armpits, and held the shield out in front of her as he pulled her back until they were a few feet in front of their family. BJ had regained enough of her strength to stand and pushed him back when she was on her feet.

“Get behind me,” she said calmly, her hands still shaking from the power she had used earlier.

“If you’re trying to avoid the hoard, you should know that you’re heading the wrong way.” BJ did not reply. The woman smirked at her and stopped advancing. “There’s no need to be fearful, dear girl.”

“I do not fear you,” BJ told her. “But I do not trust you.”

“Smart girl. You need not trust me, but I mean you no harm. If I did, I daresay you could not stop me.”

BJ called lightening to her fingertips. “Try me.”

For a brief second the woman looked surprised, even impressed, before she masked it with bored amusement. “My, but you are an interesting one. Staff-less lightening at your young age and that spectacular display with the ogre? I thought meeting you would satiate my curiosity but you only get curiouser   and curiouser. What’s your name, dear girl?”

BJ didn’t move, didn’t disarm her lightening. “You first.”

“I know what she is,” Aveline said from behind her as she helped Wesley to his feet. “A witch of the wilds.”

“There are some who call me that,” the woman-dragon said. “You may call me Flemeth.”

Bethany gasped. “Flemeth?” she asked quietly. When the woman in question looked at her she shrunk back out of her line of sight. “Flemeth is a powerful mage from legend,” she whispered to her sister.

Flemeth laughed and threw back her head. “Oh, sweet child, I am more than that. So, you now know who I am, who are you?” she asked, turning back to BJ.

BJ stared at her for a long moment before replying. “BJ Hawke,” she said finally, her head high.

Flemeth blinked and this time did not try to hide her surprise. “No relation to Malcolm Hawke?”

“That’s my father’s name,” BJ told her, ignoring Mal behind her when he squawked ‘It’s my name too’.

“And where is Malcolm?”

“Dead.”

Flemeth frowned. “Ah, shame that. He was so talented.” She turned and stared pacing slowly in front of BJ looking her up and down with a new eye. “Malcolm Hawke’s daughter, that does answer some questions. And where are you headed then?”

“Kirkwall,” Carver replied. BJ glared at him and waved for him to butt out.

“Kirkwall, huh? But that is quite the journey you have planned.” She turned away from them and tapped her chin with a manicured finger. “Malcolm’s daughter is going to Kirkwall,” she said, quietly. “Is it fate, or chance? I can never decide.”  She turned back to them and smiled. “Very well, I will help you on your journey.”

“We don’t need your help.”

Flemeth tilted her head in faux innocence. “Don’t you? There is Darkspawn down every path and they only get thicker and more numerous the farther south you go. I could help you circumvent the hoard and all I ask is a small favor.”

“I don’t make deals with witches.”

“It’s not a hard task,” Flemeth continued as if BJ had not said a thing. “All I ask is that you make a small delivery not too far out of your way and, in return, I will save your family.”

At the last part, BJ paused. Flemeth was playing with her protectiveness over her family, she could feel it, but just because Flemeth was playing with her didn’t mean she wasn’t right. Going along with the witch’s plan may be the only way to save them. She flicked her wrist gently and the lightening around her fingertips fizzled away. “Fine. But no funny business, witch.”

The witch grinned with perfect teeth. “Wouldn’t dream of it, my dear.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They've reached Kirkwall, now they just need a home.

CHAPTER FOUR

“They’re not letting anyone in. I can’t even get anyone to take a message to Gamlen at the estate.” Leandra said, her voice shaking. The Kirkwall docks were packed full to bursting but the Hawkes had carved out a small corner for themselves. Carver was standing between the crowds and his family, his large size keeping troublemakers at bay.

BJ nodded. “I was worried this would be the case. Stay here,” she said. BJ pushed her way through the crowd with Mal close behind.

“What’s the plan?” He asked.

“Get into the city,” she said without elaborating.

Mal sighed but couldn’t help but laugh. It was the closest thing to sarcasm he had heard from her since they were kids. “Yeah, but how do you plan to do that?”

She didn’t answer him for a long minute. “You’re not going to like it.”

“I rarely do, but you’re the boss.”

BJ sighed and moved them both over near the wall. “There’s a mercenary group that works out of this city named the Red Iron. I’m going to agree to work for them for free in exchange for their help greasing some palms.”

“Why would they do that?” He asked. “They don’t know anything about you, why would they take that chance on you?”

“They’ve approached me before,” she said. She shrugged and cut him off when he tried to ask more questions. “It was about a year ago; they sent me a letter saying that they knew I was a mage and that they wanted me. I don’t know how they found out. I burned the letter and Dad and I took Bethany on a camping trip for a month in case they sent Templars after me.”

“I remember that,” he said. “Dad said it was special magic training.”

“We didn’t want to worry Mom.” She started moving through the crowd again and heard him following close. “I’m hoping they’re still interested.”

“And if they’re not?”

“I’ll make them interested.”

Mal frowned. “I hate it when you’re vaguely threatening like that,” he mumbled. They reached the front of the crowd where several guards were keeping people from passing. 

She walked up to the one guards off on the side and smiled flirtatiously, looking up at her from under her eyelashes. Mal was amazed. He didn’t know that her face could make an expression like that. The guard seemed flustered and smiled back shyly.

“Hi,” BJ said, shifting so that her shirt collar slipped slightly off her shoulder.

The woman leaned forward and then suddenly jumped back. “I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered. “I can’t let you in.”

“I don’t want in,” BJ said. She laughed melodically. “Well, not in the city at least. I was hoping you could deliver a message to someone for me. I’d be ever so grateful.” She twirled a stand of hair from her ponytail around her finger. The guard nodded slowly, not taking her eyes from BJ’s mouth. BJ licked her lips. “Tell the Red Iron that Hawke is here and she wants to talk.”

The guard blinked and then her eyes widened when the words hit her. “The Red Iron? They’re… I can’t…”

BJ pouted and Mal couldn’t hold in a snort. He slapped his hand over his mouth. She looked so odd that way but the flirting seemed to come natural. “Please?” The guard nodded again and BJ smiled. “Thanks.” The guard nodded again and BJ turned to walk away, the smile dropping from her face the second they were out of sight.

They reached their family and BJ dropped down next to her sister, who leaned over and laid her head on BJ’s shoulder. BJ closed her eyes and sighed, resting for what felt like the first time in weeks. “I’ve put some things in motion,” she told her mother, her voice getting lower as she slowly drifted off. “Now we wait.” And she slept in the hot, loud crowd until night fell. The guard came and found her in the dark with news that she had passed the message on and the two slipped away together. BJ returned alone an hour later and only Mal noticed the hop in her step. He gave her a teasing grin and she shoved him before settling down to keep watch during the night.

 

It was three days in the Gallows before they were approached by an older man and several other helmeted people in red uniforms. BJ stood up and stepped in front of her family with her hands in her pockets.

“The Red Iron, I presume?”

The man in front smiled lecherously. “You must be Hawke. I’m Meeran. You’ve decided to take us up on our offer.”

Leandra stood and gently grabbed her eldest child’s arm. “Bernadette? What’s going on? What offer?”

BJ didn’t answer her. “I want passage into the city for my family.” She paused and looked at Aveline and Wesley a few yards away. They had mostly kept to themselves over the past few days but they didn’t venture far and shared any food they found with the Hawkes. BJ had their full attention now and she felt a nugget of guilt inside her chest. She rolled her eyes and sighed. “And these two as well.”

Aveline stood and walked over. “I will not allow another to incur debts on my behalf. You’ll have me as well.”

Mal stood and Carver stumbled but stood as well. “Us too,” Carver said quickly.

The man waved his hand dismissively. “You all look perfectly capable but we’re really only interested in hiring the mage.” 

Mal and Carver acquiesced reluctantly but Aveline stood her ground. She turned to BJ and shook her head. “I’ll find another way in. I don’t want to owe you.”

BJ shrugged. “Then you don’t owe me. You and your man just keep this in mind if the Templars start asking questions about Bethany, yeah?” She turned back to the mercenaries without giving her a chance to reply. “How did you know I was a mage, anyway?” she asked. It had been bothering her since she’d gotten the letter.

The merc shrugged. “Your Uncle Gamlen gave us that information in exchange for an extension on his debt to us.”

Leandra’s hand tightened on her daughter’s arm. “That cur,” she hissed under her breath. “How could he sell us out like that?”

BJ put a hand over hers and rubbed it gently to calm her before turning back. “A year. I’ll work for you, for free, for a year in exchange for their passage into the city. If I stay on after that I expect to be paid. Is it a deal?”

The slimy grin returned and he held out his hand. “Deal.”

BJ stared at him, then his hand, for a long second before shaking it. “Let’s get started then.”

 

The city was almost as full of refugees as the Gallows. She had resented not being let in before but now she could see why. The streets were lined with the homeless and decrepit, crying and drinking until they passed out. Leandra led them through the streets of Lowtown and into Hightown and the difference was amazing. There was not a single refugee, save themselves of course. The rich twittered around like they didn’t even know that just outside their gate people were starving to death in filth and squalor. They barely paid the Hawkes much attention. Aveline bid them a quiet thank you and goodbye when they got near the Templar’s headquarters and they went their separate ways.

The Amell Estate wasn’t too far from the headquarters which made her nervous but beggars can’t be choosers. The place looked run down honestly, especially when compared to the lush and extravagant houses on either side. BJ held up a hand to her family to stop them and then went to knock on the door.

There was some shuffling on the other side before the door was thrown open and a mostly naked man leant against the frame, drunker than anything she’d ever seen. “You the girl from The Red Lantern? You’re not really wha’ he asked for, he likes the bony ones, you’re too muscley. Oh well, better than notin’ I spose. Come’n then, the Boss is waitin.” He reached out a hand and BJ grabbed it, twisting. “Ow, ow, ow,” he whined as she pulled him close, holding his hand back in her strong grip.

“This is the Amell Estate, no?” she asked, calm as ever.

He burped. “Used ta be, let go wench!” BJ held him tighter and he continued hurriedly. “Man her used ta live here gave it ta the Boss to settle smmh gamberlin’ debts. We ben here near four months now.”

“Where is this man now?” she hissed.

“Last I seen him he were pissed at the Hanged Man bar in Lowtown. Tat’s all I know, swear. Please let go.”

BJ let him go with a shove, sending him down on his ass in the doorway. She turned back to her family and herded them away. “Let’s go find Dear Uncle Gamlen, shall we?” she said to Mal. Mal grinned and nodded.

“What about us?” Bethany asked. “We’ve got nowhere to go.”

BJ frowned and wracked her brain. “There’s nothing for it, I suppose. You’ll have to come with us. Be careful though.” As far as she knew, Bethany and Carver had never been in a bar. There was only one back in Lothering but she wouldn’t put it passed the bartender there to serve Carver even knowing he was underage and she wouldn’t put it passed Carver to sneak in under her nose.

The made their way back to Lowtown as the sun started dipping behind the towering buildings of Hightown. They stepped around the other refugees littering the ground until they found a building with the words ‘Hanged Man’ in large font next to a crudely drawn man hanging upside down by a noose around his foot. “I guess this is it,” BJ said, scrunching her nose. She couldn’t tell if that revolting smell was the bar or just Lowtown. “Carver, don’t touch anything, especially anything alcohol. Bethany…”

Bethany raised her hands. “You don’t have to tell me. I wouldn’t drink anything in there if they paid me.”

BJ pat her shoulder. “Smart girl.” Then they walked inside. There were a lot of people inside. It wasn’t nearly as crowded as the dock but she still found it difficult to breathe. She walked straight up to the bar and slapped her palm against it to get the tender’s attention.

He walked over, looking annoyed as he wiped down a glass. “What can I get ya?” He eyed them suspiciously and she honestly didn’t blame him. They didn’t look like they could afford even his cheapest ale.

“Just looking for someone, was told he comes here a lot. Gamlen Amell?”

“Gamlen Amell,” said a voice behind her, interrupting whatever it was that the tender was going to say. She turned around and saw that the person who had spoken was a dirty blond, clean shaven dwarf dressed in very nice clothes. There were many reasons he looked out of place in this joint and the least of which was his stature. “What do you want that sorry sack for?” He asked.

“That’s none of your business,” BJ said at the same time Mal said “He’s our uncle.” 

BJ glared at him and he shrugged. “I didn’t realize we were keeping it a secret.”

The dwarf threw his head back and laughed. “You are an interesting bunch. Name’s Varric Tethras. I’m the proprietor of this fine establishment.”

BJ raised an eyebrow and stepped out of the way of a flying pint glass without flinching. “Pleased to meet you,” she said in a monotone as the pint smashed and shattered against the wall behind her.

Varric laughed again and hopped up on the stool next to her. “Gamlen lives in a house just down the street. Can’t miss it, it’s the one with all the ‘Final Notice’ papers tacked to the door.”

“Great,” BJ said, turning on her heel leave.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Varric said, hopping back down. “Can’t I at least get your name in return?”

“No,” BJ said at the same time her mother said “Bernadette Jordan Hawke.”

BJ gave her mother an exasperated look but the older woman looked unperturbed and just smiled back. She seemed to be the only person in the world unaffected by her daughter’s cold personality.

Varric grinned. “Well it’s been lovely to meet you, Bernadette.” He gently took her hand and, to her surprise, she let him. When he kissed her knuckles she felt her face getting hot and snatched her hand back. She hated being called by her full name but she couldn’t find it in her to correct him.

Mal piped up then. “Oh, she doesn’t like- ooof!” BJ elbowed him in the ribs to shut him up and then hurried out of the bar. Mal glanced between the door and the dwarf with a raised eyebrow before grinning widely. “Well, I guess it’s okay if you call her that, then.”

BJ stuck her head back in the door. “Now, Mal! Carver, put that down.” And then she pulled her head out again. Carver frowned but set the pint down and followed his two sisters and mother out of the bar. Mal lingered a moment longer, looking the dwarf over with an appraising eye before following as well.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inn, sweet inn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short one this time, sorry.

CHAPTER FIVE

BJ walked hurriedly away from the bar and her family struggled to keep up. Her mother’s ankle was healing as well as could be expected but she still had a limp. Varric had been truthful, at least, and they came upon a house covered in notices just a few yards from the bar. The roof was sagging from disrepair and the front door hung uneven on its hinges. She and Mal walked up to the door and the younger twin rapped his knuckles against it in a tune she recognized but couldn’t name. It was several seconds before the door opened slowly. All BJ could see was a single eye glancing at them from under the chain lock.

“Whoever you are, I’ll have your money in a week, I swear. Just give me a week.”

“Uncle Gamlen?” Mal asked cautiously. 

The eye blinked. “Uncle?... Leandra’s kids?” The door shut and the chain on the other side jingled as he slid it out and then opened the door all the way. “Must be, you look just like her,” he said pointing to Mal. He turned to BJ then and frowned. “And you look just like that fellow she ran off with. You’re the older twins, right? Malcolm and Beatrice?”

“Bernadette,” their mother corrected as she came up behind her oldest children. She rushed forward and hugged him. “Oh, Gamlen, I missed you.” They embraced briefly before Leandra pulled away. “Gamlen, what’s happened to the estate? We went there but some really horrible man said that you traded it away.”

“Ah, yes, I was going to tell you, but I didn’t really think it would matter. I figured you were Ferelden for life. How did you get into the city, I heard a few days ago that they had stopped letting people in.”

Leandra turned to BJ and gripped her hand tightly. “My sweet, brave daughter indentured herself to the Red Iron to pay our way inside.” Her eyes widened then and she turned to glare at her younger brother. “You told them she was a mage!” she hissed. “You’re the reason they sought her out!”

Gamlen held up his hands and backed out of the doorway. “I knew they were looking for a mage after their last one got busted by the Templars, I never thought she’d actually agree to it, I thought she’d stay with you in Ferelden and there was no way they were going to waste resources to chase her down. If it weren’t for that bloody blight, it never would have mattered.”

“Stop saying that these things wouldn’t matter if circumstances were different. Circumstances aren’t different and they do matter. We have no home, no food, no money. My daughter is in servitude for a year and there is nothing to protect her or Bethany from the Templars.”

“What did you expect me to do, Leandra?! You ran off with that mage and left me to take care of our parents alone.”

Leandra opened her mouth to speak but Mal put a hand on her shoulder and rubbed his thumb against her shoulder blade soothingly. “Ma,” he said. “Let’s just go. Carver, Bethany, and I will get jobs too. We can stay in a room at that tavern until we can afford something better. We’ll take care of you.”

Leandra sighed and tears started falling from her eyes. “Oh, you sweet boy,” she mumbled, setting her palm against his cheek. “I’m your mother, I’m supposed to be the one to take care of you. I’m sorry.”

Mal smiled. “You did, and now it’s our turn. Come on.”

Gamlen looked distressed and took a step forward as if he were going to speak but BJ stepped between him and her mother. “Take care, Uncle,” she said stoically before following her family down the stairs. 

They walked back to the Hanged Man and BJ gestured for them to wait outside. “I’ll talk to someone about renting a room. Hopefully I can talk them out of asking for a deposit.”

Mal grinned teasingly. “Maybe find that dwarf who fancied you. He said he owned the place, he could help.”

“He didn’t fancy me!” BJ hissed, her face pink with embarrassment instead of anger. She grunted and hurried inside, away from Carver’s boisterous laughter and Bethany’s twittering giggle.

Inside was just the same as they had left it several minutes ago. There was drunken singing and the floor was sticky with spilled ale and something else that she hoped was not what she thought it was. She walked back over to the bartender and he rolled his eyes when he saw her. 

“What now? If you don’t want a drink I really need to serve someone else.”

“I want to talk to someone about renting a room.”

He pointed to the stairs in the back. “Owner’s in the office. First room at the top of the stairs.”

BJ nodded and maneuvered her way through the swaying drunks to the stairs. There was someone sleeping on the bottom step and she stepped over him. The door at the top of the stairs was open but she still knocked on the doorframe before stepping inside. “Hello?”

The dwarf was sitting at the desk leaning over a stack of paperwork. He looked up when she knocked and grinned widely. “Ah, you’re back. Couldn’t get enough of me, huh?”

BJ nervously twirled a strand of hair from her ponytail around her finger. What was happening to her? She hadn’t felt his nervous since she was ten and had her first crush. She wasn’t usually like this around people she was interested in. Just like with the guard, she could be smooth and flirtatious when she needed to be. But the way this dwarf looked at her flustered in a way she didn’t know how to handle. She cleared her throat and dropped her hands from her hair.

“My family and I would like a room. There are five of us and we’ll need at least two beds.”

The dwarf waved his hand towards the chair on the other side of the desk and she sat down stiffly. “Certainly. I’m going to need a bit more information from you first,” he told her smirking.

BJ rolled her eyes but nodded. “Very well. My name is BJ Hawke. My family and I are refugees from Ferelden.”

He hummed as he wrote something down. “I could tell that just by looking at you. What kind of jobs do you have? I need to know you can afford this room.”

BJ hesitated at that one. “We just got here so we don’t have any money to put down but we will have the rent in time and, by then, enough for a deposit. My sister Bethany is a talented seamstress, my brother Carver is interested in joining the city guard and Mal… Mal finds a way to make money, he always does.”

Varric raised his eyes. “And Mal is… your husband?”

BJ choked on her tongue in surprise and had to cough before she could breathe again. “Maker, no. Mal is my twin.”

“You two don’t look a thing alike.”

“We get that a lot.” She coughed again and had to resist the sudden urge to gag.

“And you?” He asked after she had regained herself. “What do you do?”

“I’m working for the Red Iron, but I don’t get paid,” she told him frankly. “I offered to work for them for a year in exchange for passage into the city.”

At that the dwarf looked impressed. “Red Iron, huh? Tell you what, you drink downstairs in your uniform a few nights a week and scare away the lowlifes and I won’t even ask for a deposit.”

“I’m not saying no,” BJ said carefully. “But isn’t everyone down there a lowlife? If I scare them away, who else do you expect to come here? Hightown pricks?”

Varric laughed with his entire body, his head thrown back and his fist pounding the desk in front of him. His laughter slowed to a throaty chuckle and he wiped at his eyes. “Oh, you’re a funny one.” She wasn’t used to being funny. Mal was the funny one, she was the scary one. “I meant the violent lowlifes. The drunk ones are welcome here, but once someone starts throwing punches I need someone who can… discourage them.”

“Like a bouncer.”

“Yeah, but you don’t actually have to do much. Just wear your Red Iron outfit, sit, drink, and glare and if anyone appears like they’re about to start a riot…”

“ _ Discourage _ them?” Varric nodded and grinned. Sit, drink, and glare huh? All the things she was best at. She thought it over and held out her hand. “Deal.”

Varric leaned over the desk and clasped her hand tightly in both of his, shaking them enthusiastically. “Welcome to the Hanged Man, Miss Hawke.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One year has passed but the adventure is only just beginning.

CHAPTER SIX

BJ’s year of indentured servitude to the Red Iron could have been worse, she supposed. The horror stories her mother heard of women in BJ’s position kept the older Hawke woman up at night. BJ had to constantly assure her that she wasn’t being taken advantage of and those nights she came home around dawn and freshly washed were really just because she had been covered in other people’s blood and didn’t want to subject her family to the sight.

The jobs were easy enough. Steal something here, kill people there, mostly the kinds of things she would have been doing anyway. She was also a regular fixture at the Hanged Man, sitting in the corner and glowering at anyone who dared to get near. Most weeks she broke up at least one fist fight but there had also been countless knife fights, five sword fights, and one time two guys whipped out their cocks and tried to fight with those. After that last incident she had climbed up onto the bar and declared that the next man who took his out in her presence without her invitation would get it cut off. No one wanted to test and see if she was serious. She was.

Mal had been doing odd jobs like fixing roofs, cleaning gutters, and exterminating pests to help ends meet. Most of the money he made went directly to the rent for their room. But whatever was left over after rent and food they saved along with Carver’s city guard salary (which was a pittance, really, since he was just a rookie) and the little bit of money Bethany made running a small clothing repair service from BJ’s table at the Hanged Man. Bethany would sit at BJ’s table most nights, sewing patches onto pants and chatting amiably with her sister and whatever patrons braved her sister’s intimidating stare long enough to start a conversation. Leandra helped Bethany when she got busy but spent most of her time trying to see the Vicount about regaining control of the Amell Estate.

Varric would also sit with BJ and do his paperwork while she drank her watered down ale. He told her all kinds of stories and talked to her about his books. BJ never replied much but they got along very well. In fact, BJ would probably call Varric her best and closest friend, besides Mal of course. He still made her feel flustered but she had become used to it and was able to hide most of her reactions.

It was a week before the one year mark when they finally started renting a small one bedroom shack of their own, not too far from their uncle’s (whom they saw rarely). The house was smaller than Gamlen’s with a wood burning stove instead of a roaring fireplace and the single bedroom off the back could fit two beds comfortably but three if they squeezed them together into one large bed, which they did. They even got a dog shortly after moving in, a mabari pup that had been left abandoned when its mother died. He bonded to BJ instantly (much to Carver’s jealousy) and she named him Jester. When BJ’s year of servitude was up she stayed on with the Red Iron and they paid her well. After only two months she was able to afford an apprenticeship at the local dressmaker’s shop for Bethany. Overall, they were all pretty content with the way their life was going.

It all came crashing down one rainy evening in the Hanged Man almost two years after their arrival in Kirkwall. BJ was drinking alone in her corner as usual. Varric said that she didn’t have to act as a bouncer anymore, now that she was no longer living in the tavern, but she found that she liked it. Despite the noise and the drunks it was a nice way to wind down at the end of a long day. She didn’t water down her ale anymore, since she wasn’t technically working, and when she had just started to feel tipsy the door to the tavern opened with a bang.

Three Templars walked inside. The first one, a man with short blond curls, looked around the suddenly quiet bar and then walked up to a drunk at the counter. “We’ve gotten a report that a mage has been sighted in this bar. A young woman, in Red Iron garb.”

BJ was thankful that she had gotten hot and had taken off her leather chest piece. Without it she looked like any other merc. The only problem was that the drunk the Templar had singled out was Harry. He was a regular at the Hanged Man and knew who she worked for. She had also punched him in the face no less than three times breaking up his fights, so she wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t point her out.

Harry looked the Templar up and down and then belched in his face. “No Irons here, pretty boy.”

The Templar’s expression turned down in disgust and then looked around the bar, trying to spot the infamous red uniform. “If any of you have any information regarding the identity of this apostate, please bring it to me at the Gallows. Ask for Ser Cullen. Thank you for your time.” Then he and the other Templars turned to leave.

As soon as they were gone, every single eye in the bar turned to look at BJ in one synchronized movement. BJ sighed and swirled the last of her ale around in the bottom of her pint before pushing it away. She picked up her leather chest piece off the floor and walked over to the bar, sitting a few coins on the counter beside Harry’s drink. “Thanks, Harry. Round on me!” A cheer went up as she left the bar and when the door closed behind her she was alone on the dark, quiet street. She turned and instantly headed towards the Red Iron base at the docks. “I quit,” she said, sitting the chest piece on the nearest table and then stripping out of the rest of her uniform until she was in a white undershirt and a pair of black leggings. She left before Meeran could respond and ran home. She should have been cold, but she barely noticed it. She threw open the door to the Hawke residence, breathing deeply, and threw herself into the chair by the wood stove. Mal was the only other person awake, sharpening his sword in the corner. He blinked at her, surprised. He wasn’t sure what was more surprising, her state of dress or the fact that she had run in like demons were chasing her.

“Um… wanna talk about it?”

“I quit the Red Irons. I was drawing too much attention. I put Bethany in danger, Maker, I’m such an idiot.” She was quiet for a second before she stood from the chair. “I have to leave town. I have to hide until this blows over.”

Mal dropped his sword without a care and jumped to his feet, holding onto her shoulders to stop her from moving. “Woah, what’s going on?”

BJ glared at him but there wasn’t the usual heat behind it. “Templars are after me, Mal. They came to the bar asking about me, they knew I worked with the Red Iron.” She shook him off of her and ran over to a chest by the wall, pulling out her old armor. “I’ll head for the mountain. I’ve been looking for a chance to drop off that witch’s blighted necklace anyway.”

Mal nodded and he ran to the chest as well, pulling out his good boots. “Alright, let’s go.”

“No, I need you to stay here. Without my income from the Irons, they’ll need all the money they can get.”

“You can’t just go alone.” There was a knock on the door and the twins froze. Mal held up a hand to silently tell her to stay where she was and started towards the door. He looked through the peephole and frowned. “There’s no one there.”

There was another knock and Mal jumped.

BJ rolled her eyes. “Open it. It’s Varric.”

Mal opened the door and Varric walked in looking concerned. “I heard there were Templars in the bar, I wanted to make sure you got home okay.”

BJ waved off his worries and started pulling on her personal armor. “I’m fine, Varric. Hey, I’m leaving town for a few weeks until this blows over, don’t let Carver drink. He’s not old enough for six months.”

Varric frowned, and then seemed to think of something and grinned. “Actually, I may have a better idea. I was going to bring this up to you once I got a few things sorted, but now seems as good a time as any. My brother, Bartrand, is planning an expedition into the Deep Roads and he’s tearing his hair out trying to fund this on his own. We need a business partner. We’re leaving in two weeks and should be gone for at least two months, but probably more. You’ll get out of the city and split the profit 50/50, win/win.”

BJ frowned. “I don’t know… How much does he need?”

“50 Sovereigns and he can’t say no.”

BJ looked at Mal and then shook her head. “That’s all our savings. I can’t just leave my family with nothing.”

Mal crossed his arms. “They leave in two weeks, right? We’ll give Bartrand the money in the morning and then spend our time up until then doing every odd job we can find. Aveline might have some work for us; Carver said yesterday that she was asking after you. It won’t replace the 50 Sovereigns but we should be able to give them some security before we leave.”

“This expedition could set your family up for life. You could buy back that nice house that your mother is always going on about and still have some left over,” Varric said, smacking the back of his right hand into his left palm twice for emphasis. 

BJ’s brow creased thoughtfully and she ran a hand through her loose hair. “Fine. We’ll do it.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BJ irritates Aveline and Bertrand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra chapter this week because I'm moving today and excited/anxious as hell.

CHAPTER SEVEN

BJ walked with Carver to the barracks the next morning and he kept glancing at her, pouting. “I don’t understand why you had to come with me.”

“I’m going to talk to Aveline, I told you this.”

“Yeah, I know why you’re going to the barracks, what I don’t understand is why you have to walk right beside me. I’m already the youngest guard and no one takes me seriously, if they think my big sister walks me to work they may openly laugh at me.”

“Would it make you feel better if I went in a few minutes after you?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t have that kind of time. Mal is headed to the Merchant’s Guild with Varric to find Bartrand and if I leave him alone for too long he may buy a bridge or a summer home.”

Carver grunted and threw up his hands in exasperation but the conversation was over.

When they reached the State House Carver jogged into the barracks, hoping to not be seen with his sister, and BJ walked in shortly afterwards. Caver was nowhere to be seen but she spotted Aveline over by a wall covered in papers and swiftly walked over. “Aveline,” she said seriously.

The redhead didn’t so much as glance at her. “Hello, Hawke.”

BJ raised an eyebrow. “Is that it? Usually I get a lecture. What was it last time? ‘Why are your underclothes nailed to the Chantry board, Hawke?’ No that was over the holiday, it was ‘Don’t use the Hightown fountain to torture people for information, Hawke’, yes that was it. Does this mean you’ve finally stopped spying on me?”

“I heard that you quit the Red Irons.” Well, that answered that question. Aveline turned to her and smiled slightly. “I’m happy for you. You could do a lot of good now that you’re not chained to that lot.”

“I didn’t quit them because I wanted to, save your congratulations. I quite enjoyed the work to be honest.”

Aveline frowned again and looked back to the wall of papers. “Then what are you doing here?”

“You spoke to me a little while ago about dangerous jobs that you weren’t comfortable sending your guards to do. Are any of those still available and how much do they pay? I’m leaving in a few weeks and I’ll be gone for several months. I want to leave my family with some money to hold them over until I get back.”

Aveline looked at her in surprise. “Leaving? What for? Didn’t you all just buy a house?”

“We’re renting, but that’s beside the point. Some…” she paused and looked around the barracks. If she said the word’ Templar’ someone might get suspicious. “Some of your husband’s friends came to the bar last night and caused some trouble.”

“Ex-husband,” Aveline grumbled.

BJ’s eyes widened. “Ex? You and Wesley got a divorce and I didn’t know about it?”

“I sent a letter when it happened three months ago!”

“You know I never read anything you send me, I see you at least once a week, anything you can tell me in a letter you can tell me when you come over to pick up Jester for training or at card night. Why did it never come up in conversation?”

“I didn’t want to talk about it.”

“Why did you separate? I thought you two were the do-or-die kind of couple that usually makes me sick to my stomach.”

Aveline sighed again and shook her head. “Wesley… changed once he joined the Templars here. He wasn’t himself anymore. And then he…” She shook her head again. “No, I am not discussing this with you when I’m supposed to be on duty. I’ll come by the Hanged Man in the morning to give you details on the job I need you to do. You’ll be paid, more than I get paid that’s for sure. We pay our independent consultants very well.” She turned to look at her finally. “Anything else?”

“Yes, did you see where Carver went to when he got in? I want to give him a big kiss and pinch his cheeks.”

That startled a laugh and smile out of Aveline and she gave BJ a look that was almost fond. “Goodbye, Hawke,” she said before walking away.

 

The Guild was swarming with people selling and buying and selling again at a higher price. Varric was standing with Mal over by the arched entrance. He frowned and crossed his arms uncomfortably. “Maybe I should have waited at the bar.”

“Varric, your brother won’t talk to us if you’re not here. You said so yourself,” Mal told him calmly.

Varric sighed. “Fine, fine. Just don’t let anyone talk to me, alright? I’ve been avoiding the Guild for months and I already see at least four women Bartrand has tried to arrange for me to marry.”

Just as he finished speaking, a young dwarf woman dressed in fine clothes and covered head to toe in jewels approached. BJ appeared beside her brother and friend and she bared her teeth at the interloper with narrowed eyes. “Walk. Away.”

The dwarf woman turned bright red and scurried away, nearing tripping on her long skirt. Varric chuckled. “I’m glad you’re finally here. I’ve been chasing them away with brooms. How can a woman be so scary and so beautiful at the same time?” There was a lilt in his voice that told her he was teasing but her ears still turned pink.

They approached the booth where an older, harrier version of Varric was looking diligently over some maps, with at least three guards surrounding him and no doubt some others off watching, in case anyone tried some funny business. Members of the Guild were always so cautious, it was a wonder they made any money at all.

He looked up at BJ when she approached and shook his head. “No more guards,” he said, looking back down at his papers. “We’re full up.”

“Oh, brother of mine,” Varric said, stepping out from behind his intimidating friend. “How are you ever going to fund this expedition if you scare away our partners?”

Bartrand looked up at him and frowned deeply. “Partners? Varric, Stones, what did you go and do? We don’t need any partners.”

“Yes, we do. There’s no way we’re funding this thing without their 50 gold.”

Bartrand looked back at the humans and raised a bushy eyebrow. “50 gold, you say. And I suppose you want to go into this 50/50? Well, I don’t think so. 75/25.”

“50/50.” BJ said sternly, her face not indicating a thing.

“70/30.”

“50/50,” she said again, the cadence of her voice never changing.

“60/40, and that’s my final offer, take it or leave it.”

“50/50.”

Bartrand’s face was red in anger. “That’s not how negotiation works. Don’t you humans know anything.”

“I’m not negotiating. I’m telling.”

Mal winced and stepped up beside his sister. “In the most respectful way possible, I assure you. My sister wouldn’t want to be disrespectful to the founder of the expedition which could set our family up for life.” He turned to smile at her, but his smile was more desperate than happy. “Isn’t that right?”

“If I was trying to be disrespectful, I could do a lot better than just demanding 50%,” she hissed. “Don’t insult me.”

Bartrand threw his hands up. “By the stones, this woman is impossible. Varric, who the hell did you bring here?”

“This is Hawke, the woman I told you about. She ran with the Iron. And this is her brother Mal.”

Mal frowned. “Well, don’t say that like I’m her sidekick.”

BJ pat his shoulder placatingly. “Course you’re not,” she said before turning to Bartrand and crossing her arms over her chest. “So, do we have a deal?”

Bartrand frowned. “Show me the gold first.”

BJ looked at Mal and nodded and he pulled a fist sized sachet out of his rucksack, tossing it onto the desk. Bartrand pulled it open and looked inside before BJ pulled the drawstrings tight. “Do we have a deal?”

Bartrand glared at her but nodded. “Deal. But I’m not happy about it.” He held out his hand and BJ shook it before leaving the gold on the table and stepping away.

“You’re never happy, Bartrand,” Varric chuckled. “But this is the closest I’ve seen in a long time. We’ll see you the morning of the expedition.” He put a hand on the twins’ backs and lead them away from the table. He sighed when they were finally out of the Guild. “Maker, I hate that place.”

As they all started back towards the bar Mal whistled to fill the silence until his sister glared at him and he had to stop. After a few minutes, they entered Lowtown and he attempted to fill it again. “So, Varric. Your brother seems… nice.”

Varric chuckled. “You’ve never had to live with him.”

“Yeah, well you’ve never had to live with BJ and Carver. Bethie is the only kind one out of the bunch of us.”

“What does that make you?”

“A victim.”

Varric chuckled. “Naturally.”

BJ rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. If anything, I’m the victim because living with you boys is driving me insane. You never take any responsibility and dump it all on me. And Carver…” the anger on her face fell away to sadness and she sighed. “Carver is just… Carver.”

Varric smiled up at her. “Come on now, I don’t believe for a second that you’d let yourself be a victim of anything.”

BJ gave him a barely-there smile back. “You’d be surprised what I go through for this family.”

Mal tossed an arm over her shoulders. “And Carver is just going through a phase. All us little brothers get jealous of our amazing big sisters at some point in our lives.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Really? You were jealous of me?”

“Oh, yeah. Around the time your magic came in really. That’s when you started acting all… protective and responsible. You started helping Mom out around the farm, you started going on overnight training trips with Dad, and you really started doting on the babies. When we were eleven Dad took us out hunting and you brought down your first buck and I was so jealous I was rude to you for days.”

“I do not remember that, are you sure?”

“Positive. You locked me out of our room one night because you were crying about it and didn’t want me to see. I broke in through the window and comforted you, you really don’t remember?”

BJ looked shocked. “No. And even if I did I would pretend I didn’t. How embarrassing.”

Mal laughed and hugged his sister in tighter. This was the most playful and carefree he had seen her in a long time. “That’s what you said then too. I told you that if you were going to be the protective one I was gonna have to be the nurturing one. I think my exact words were ‘If you’re going to do everything, I’m going to feel everything’.”

BJ hummed. “That’s very insightful for an eleven-year-old.”

“Yeah, well, I’m one of a kind.”

“Mal, you are literally a twin.” BJ deadpanned. Varric threw back his head and let out a booming laugh and Mal faked being offended. BJ chuckled and then quickly smothered it with a cough. “Besides, the only reason I started acting ‘protective and responsible’ as you put it was because of that fire.”

“Fire?” He was teasing her, of course he remembered the fire.

“Do not tell me you don’t remember that fire. We lived above the barn for months while Dad rebuilt the house. The kids in town called us Horse-Butt because we smelled like manure all the time.”

“Oh! I do remember the name calling. I guess I always thought it was because of your face.”

“You’re not funny.”

Mal grinned at her unapologetically and let his arm fall from her shoulders. BJ sighed and let the boys walk ahead of her. She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so content. There was a storm coming, she could feel it, but for the first time in her life she was going to let herself relax in the calm. Today may be her last day off in months and she was going to enjoy it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BJ meets a surely, mage-hating elf. Damn it, he's exactly her type!

CHAPTER EIGHT

BJ’s first job to try and refill her family’s savings was actually a left over from the Red Iron. She had received a letter after returning home that afternoon from Meeran asking her if she would still go through with it. She could keep all the pay. A ‘parting gift’ he had called it.

It was an easy enough job but it paid outrageously well which was both a relief and highly suspicious. 

She met the client, a skittish dwarf fresh on the surface, in the Lowtown market after dark. He was an unassuming fellow with tense shoulders who looked this way and that like he was expecting an ambush. Naturally, BJ now expected an ambush.

She wished she had followed her instincts and not have come alone. Mal had to be up early the next morning for his next odd job (was it cleaning gutters or eradicating mice this time? She couldn’t remember). She sighed, ready to flick a spell if needed and approached him.

“Hello?” she called as she got close.

He shrieked and then held his chest like he was afraid his heart was about burst from his ribs. “By the Stone, you scared me. Sorry, I’m still not used to all this sky. It makes me a little jumpy. I keep expecting to fall up any minute now.”

BJ relaxed a little. He was either entirely innocent or a very good actor. “I’m Hawke. Meeran said you had a job for me?”

“Oh, yes, yes. I’m glad you’re here. There was some supply stolen from my shop and I need you to get it back.”

“Why didn’t you just go to the guards?”

He hesitated. “My shop is in… Dark Town.”

“Ah,” BJ said, nodding in understanding. “Your goods were stolen to begin with. Alright, I’ll get it back. Do you know who took it?”

“I do, and I know where they’re hiding out too. I did all the sleuthing myself, I just need someone to do the fighty bits.”

“Well, that’s my specialty. Just point me in their direction.”

“They’re keeping my stuff in a condemned house in the alienage. Near the big tree.”

She knew the one. Her house was on the way, maybe she should swing by and grab a brother, either brother. No, she decided. This couldn’t be that big an operation or else she would have heard about it before now. It was probably just some kids thinking they’re a gang. She’d set them straight. “Yeah, alright. Meet you back here when it’s done?”

“Actually, I need to get indoors somewhere. Would you mind meeting me at the Hanged Man?”

“Not at all. I’ll be there in an hour, hour and a half tops.”

“Good, good. And thank you.”

BJ nodded and started walking towards the alienage. “Not a problem.”

The alienage was empty at this time of night. Elves in this city weren’t safe during the day, much less when the sun went down, so they all went home long before then. Their tree was strangely beautiful when she walked up. Twisted branches and leaves of every color, like a painting. She turned away from the tree and started heading for the condemned house. It was stable enough, she guessed. It had been condemned to force the family living there out of town after their son had been taken to the circle and for no structural reason. In a month or two they’d take down the sign and let another poor family move in. For now, it was ripe for the picking for anyone who fancied themselves a criminal. 

She walked up to the door, casual as could be and jiggled the handle. She hummed suspiciously and raised an eyebrow. It wasn’t locked. They were expecting her. Maybe her client had betrayed her for some reason, maybe this whole thing had been a ploy by Meeran to take her out. She stepped away from the door and tried to glancing into the boarded windows, looking for a hole or a stream of light that might give her a clue as to what she should expect going in. There was nothing and she cursed under her breath. With a grunt, she hefted herself on the roof, walking with light steps.

There was a chimney, but smoke was billowing out of it so she couldn’t look down and there was no hatch in the roof. She hummed in disappointment but lowered herself back down the ground.

She was going in blind. She didn’t like that. She walked away from the house, staying in line with the window and when she felt that she was far enough she took a deep breath. She wiggled her fingers and a fist sized rock floated up from the ground nearby. She threw it forward with a wave of her hand and it crashed through the window. The glass shattered and the boards fell away and she leapt through it, rolling to a stop on her feet. When she stood up straight there were three people in the room with her, looking at her incredulously.

At first she thought that maybe she had the wrong house, but then the man in the corner yelled, “Attack! She’s working with the elf!”

The three people came for her and she heard people running towards the room on the other side of the door. She flicked her hand and the door locked them out. The handle shook and when it didn’t open they started banging on it and kicking it.

She turned her focus towards the people in the room and threw up a shield to block an arrow. She held up her hand and the arrow stopped falling towards the floor. She turned her hand in a circle and it turned back at the archer. The archer’s eyes widened just before she threw it back at him. It embedded in his throat and he clawed at the arrow, choking and gasping before falling in a heap on the ground. 

She heard a battle cry and dodged an incoming swing of a sword, kicking the attacker to the ground when he was thrown off balance. She held her palm open and stretched her arm above her head and vines burst through the wooden floor to wrap around him and squeeze him until he suffocated.

The last man was large and foreboding, with a two-handed hammer that would crush her in a second if she let it get near. She flicked her left hand and shot lightning at him. He cried out but continued moving towards her, fighting through it. With her other hand she froze his feet to the ground and he struggled for a moment before ripping his foot out of the ice. He tugged on the other foot, trying to break it free as well but she reinforced it with more ice. She stopped throwing lightning and waved her hand around her head in a circle before throwing it forward. A spike of ice shot through his body and stabbed him through the middle. He howled in pain and just as he died the door was bashed open and five people scrambled through.

She gave a battle cry of her own and summoned a sword of ice. Instead of a hilt the ice continued down over her hand. The frozen blade was wide and flat and as long as her arm. She wasn’t great with swords. She could use them when she needed to but she preferred going all in and just dominating the opponent with her power. She didn’t have the finesse and footwork to wield a sword as it was meant to be wielded. She swept the sword in an arc over her head, blocking the blows and knocking the swords away from her. The ice chipped but she quickly repaired it with a flick of her eyes. She stabbed her sword through an enemy then used his body to push another on to the ground. When they were both incapacitated she brought her sword down and sliced off their heads. As she was recovering her balance there was a strong blow to her arm that knocked her to the ground. It didn’t cut her, her armor protected her from that, but it would definitely bruise. Luckily, it wasn’t her sword arm and she was able to hold it up to block another blow. From the ground, she brought up her feet and pressed them into her opponent’s chest, kicking him away. He crashed into another man and they both stumbled into the wall. She jumped to her feet and stabbed them through the stomach, breaking off her ice sword and leaving them pinned to the wood. Her fist was still covered with ice and she hit them in the face to finish the job and mostly to stop their screaming.

The ice fell from her hand and she spun around to the final three opponents. One dropped his sword and held up his hands, backing through the door. She let him go for now. She could catch up to him later but for now she needed to focus on the remaining two who still posed a threat.

She held both hands in front of her chest then swept them out from her body in an arc. Vines grew through the cracks in the wood and wrapped around their feet, holding them in place. They weren’t as bulky as the earlier man who had escaped her ice so the vines held them back. She brought the vines up one man’s body and they constricted around him until he died and then she walked over to the final man and smiled at him menacingly. 

“I’m looking for some stolen goods. Tell me where your stash is and I’ll make it quick.”

“Back room,” he said, his voice shaking. “Back room in the trunk. Key is in my pocket.”

She fished around in his pocket and pulled out the key. “Thanks,” she said before decapitating him cleanly. She walked through the house to the back room and pushed open the door. The room was empty except for a single trunk in the center of the room. She frowned but walked over to it and unlocked it. The trunk was empty.

“Shit,” she hissed, slamming the trunk closed and then kicking it in anger. She paced around the trunk, looking for signs of a trick or a hidden hatch and finding nothing. “Maker blessed,” she mumbled stomping out of the room. “This was a wild goose chase or a set up. I’m going to kill that dwarf.” There was nothing else in the house. She started for the door and pulled it open with a huff, only to freeze the moment she stepped outside. There were easily thirty people waiting for her.

“She’s not an elf,” said one man.

A woman, who was obviously the leader, shook her head. “We were told to kill anyone who went into the house. Get her.”

They came at her and she reached down near her knees, then pulled her hands up over her head as she stood up straight. A wall of ice climbed up around her in a perfect circle. Swords bounced off the ice and whenever there was a chip she wiggled her fingers and repaired it. She couldn’t keep doing this forever. Eventually something had to give and they weren’t about to give up.

Suddenly there was a scream from the back of the crowd. She couldn’t see properly from behind her ice prison but it appeared like every person turned to find the source. She dropped the ice quickly and formed two ice daggers on her hands like the sword she had used earlier. She stabbed one attacker through the back and threw him into the crowd, knocking several people off their balance. Whoever had come to assist her was hacking their way through people like they were chopping down vines with a machete. There was a somewhat eerie white glow but she couldn’t see them through the throng. With attacks coming from both sides the attackers were distracted enough that she was able to take out several before they could coordinate an attack on her. She threw up another ice wall to stop their advance but this one didn’t go all the way around her. Once they were disoriented, she dropped the wall and the people crowded against it fell forward and she was finally able to catch sight of the new person who appeared to be on her side. She created one final ice wall and then allowed it to tip over and crush the people at her feet before getting a good look at the man.

It was an elf. He wasn’t like the other elves she had seen. He was at least as tall as she was (although she was considered short by human female standards) and his entire body was covered in lithe muscle. He wasn’t bulky but she could tell by looking at him that he was strong. Perhaps the most striking part of him were the white tattoos that danced over his skin and glowed each time he thrust his hand through someone’s chest and the white as snow hair that stood out against his dark skin.

He was kind of preternaturally beautiful and she found herself unable to keep her eyes off of him. A sword made hard contact with her back and she stumbled but swung around and blocked the next blow with her ice dagger and used her other one to stab the woman through the face. There were footsteps behind her and she spun around, ripping the ice from the woman’s skull, and held it up right in front of the elf’s face. He paused and raised a stark white eyebrow at it, his hand tightening around the hilt of his large sword although he made no move to lift it.

Now that she could see his face clearly his features were more angular than she had come to expect from elves. It was possible he was only half elf, although usually the elf genes like the ears and the height were recessive and his ears came to a neat point at the end.

“A mage,” he sneered. “I should have let them have you.”

She instantly found him much less attractive. “And who exactly are you?”

“I’m your client.”

“Um, no. My client was a very skittish dwarf whose name I don’t remember. Unless you are very good at disguises, you are not him.”

“I hired that skittish dwarf to hire someone to do this. I wasn’t expecting that person to be dumb enough to go alone and need my rescue.”

“Rescue?! I hardly needed a rescue. Besides that, I was lied to about the parameters of this job. I was told a handful of people stole some shopkeeper’s goods. If I had known I was going to take on thirty-some-odd bandits I would have brought back up.” She paused and looked around at the people at their feet. “No, they’re not bandits. They’re too well outfitted for that. And that’s a Tevinter seal on their belts. Slavers, then? Chasing a prized runaway.” She looked back at the elf and at his tattoos. They were obviously made of lyrium (she could feel them calling to her magic) and she doubted he had gotten them done willingly. Someone had spent a lot of time and money to make him that way. “You’re the escapee. Some Magister wants you back for your tattoos.”

He narrowed his eyes at her. “Yes. And I still need your help. The job’s not over.”

“Oh, it’s over. You lied to me and nearly got me killed. I would have gladly helped if you had just been straight forward and told me that you needed help getting slaver bastards off your back. But now I’m not sure I can trust you.”

“I don’t trust you either. What has magic ever touched that it did not corrupt?”

She dropped her arms and let the ice melt from her hands but did not drop her guard. “Keep your money. I won’t be lied to again.” She turned and walked away from him.

“Wait,” he said, his voice gruff. She kept moving. “I can’t do this alone. And I will not go back to Tevinter. I’ll die first.”

She sighed and stopped. That was something she could understand. Like her with the Circle, the idea of having everything that made you an individual ripped away was worse than death. She turned back to him, her posture closed off. She still didn’t trust him even though she felt for his situation. “Fine. But you are upfront and honest with me from this moment on.”

He nodded. “What can I call you? I’m Fenris.”

“Hawke.”

He raised an eyebrow skeptically. “That’s your name?”

“My surname, yes. Only my mother calls me by my given name and only my friends call me by my nickname. And we’re not friends. So, what exactly is it that you need me to do?”

“The magister who… owned me. He’s called Denarius and he’s here, in this city. I want to kill him.”

She nodded. “Alright. Lead the way. We are stopping off at my house though. I need to pick something up.”

He nodded and stepped up beside her. He opened his mouth to speak but paused and then seemed to decide to ask, “What was in the box?”

“It was empty.”

He hummed, dejected. “I supposed it was too much to hope… Let’s just go then.”

 

“So, this elf…”

“Fenris,” said elf interjected. “I have a name.”

“Right, right. So Fenris is an ex-slave from Tevinter and he roped you into killing his former master?” Mal asked, yawning after he finished.

“Yes,” BJ said. “And I roped you in.” She led the elf and her brother through the dark high town streets.

“As usual.”

Fenris looked between the two Hawkes. “We had to stop and pick up your husband?” he asked. 

BJ’s face turned red in anger and embarrassment. “He’s my brother!” she exclaimed.

Mal seemed unaffected and pat his sister’s shoulder. “I’m her sidekick,” he said, resigned to his position. “She doesn’t go anywhere without me.”

“She went to fight a bunch of slavers earlier without you.”

Mal turned to his older sister and frowned. “She didn’t tell me that part.”

BJ shrugged. “He lied to me about how many people would be there. I didn’t think I needed to wake you. Now that I know the full extent of the job I knew that we couldn’t do it on our own.”

“BJ, everyone lies. You’re the one who told me that. Why would you go alone?”

“Mal, we’ll talk about this when we get home.”

“Are you sure that the three of us are going to be enough to take on a magister and an army of slavers?” He asked.

“Your sister and I already dispatched his army of slavers. There should only be a few left in his mansion. The main concern is Denarius himself. He’s a blood mage so he’ll have demons fighting for him.”

“Besides,” BJ started. “Who else would we ask to join us?”

“Carver would have come.”

She frowned. “This is too dangerous. I’m already risking you here, I don’t want to have to worry about Carver.”

“Aveline.”

“Aveline is a guard. We’re breaking into a mansion and killing the man who owns it.”

“Well, if we told her it was for a good cause she’d help. We’re helping a former slave escape his masters, she’s all about helping the less fortunate like that.”

BJ shook her head. “I don’t want to risk it. I’m risking enough helping her with her special mission in the morning, for all I know it’s going to get me arrested and then you guys will be stuck in Lowtown for the rest of your lives.”

“Varric?”

“Varric owns a bar. What help would he be in a fight?”

“He’s pretty handy with that crossbow.”

“I thought it was just for show? To keep the riffraff in line at the bar. You’ve seen him use it?”

“Oh yeah, he took me out to a range a few weeks ago and taught me how to use a crossbow. He wouldn’t let me use Bianca, he got me another one.”

She rolled her eyes. “Maker, he does love that thing, doesn’t he?”

“We’re here,” Fenris interrupted.

The mansion was dark and from outside it seemed empty. There was no candle light shining out from the windows and no movement in the shadows. “You sure he’s here?” Mal asked. “It doesn’t look like anyone has been in here in years.”

“I’m sure. He brought me here once shortly after giving me the tattoos to show me off to his Kirkwall friends. It has been several years since he’s been here and he must have been in too big a hurry to hire someone to clean it before he came down.”

BJ walked up to the door and kicked it in. “Well,” she said, staring into the dark foyer. “Let’s get started.” She led the way into the darkness and the candles on the walls all lit at once. Fenris glared at her and she shook her head. “Wasn’t me. I don’t mess with fire magic, and if I did I couldn’t do anything that precise. I’d probably burn the mansion down just trying to light one. They’re probably spelled to light whenever someone enters a room.”

Fenris grunted but nodded. “Either that or Denarius knows we’re here.”

“And what? He’s lighting the way?”

“He clearly doesn’t think much of us,” Mal said, the side of his mouth stretching into a lazy smirk.

BJ answered his smirk with a malicious one of her own. “Then let’s show him the error of his ways, shall we?”

The shades in the following rooms were laughably weak and the only real trouble they ran into was in the main hall with a revenant, but even it was beaten in the end. Panting, the trio headed up the stairs, their guards up, and Fenris reached for the door. It was locked, naturally, and Fenris cried out in rage and started banging on it with a closed fist. “I know you’re in there Denarius. Show yourself!”

BJ reached out and put a hand on his arm to move him out of the way. “Allow me.” The door was reinforced so a kick wouldn’t do it. Instead, she conjured up a fist of earth and sent it barreling into the door, ripping the hinges out of the wall like they were made of paper. Fenris looked miffed at her blatant use of magic but couldn’t argue with her results. They stepped into the bedroom and found it empty. No magister, no slavers, no sign of where they might have gone, nothing.

Fenris stared at the wall for a long moment before he screamed with rage and desperation, flipping a side table and throwing a wooden chair at the wall. BJ turned to her brother and waved him away.

He frowned and looked back at Fenris’ rampage. “But-“

“I’ll be fine. Go home, get some sleep.”

Mal hesitated for a moment longer before he turned and left the mansion. BJ walked over to where Fenris was standing, his rampage over. Now he just looked dejected. “I was so sure he’d be here,” he mumbled when she got close. “Now I will never be free of him. Until the day he dies he will never let me go.”

“His slavers are dead. He ran because he knew that he could not beat you. And if he sends more slavers we’ll kill them too. And if he shows his face we will defeat him.”

He was quiet for another moment before he turned to her, his face revealing nothing. “We?”

“Yes, we. I hate slavers and I will not allow any in my city. If you need me, I will come.” She looked around the room and frowned. “Well,” she started. “I guess I’ll leave you to it. I’m not going to wait around long enough for you to ask me to help clean.”

He huffed a laugh that didn’t reach his eyes. “Wait,” he called. When she turned around the expression on his face as tight with pain. “I don’t want to be….”

“Alone?” He didn’t speak, just nodded. BJ walked over and sat on the bed (down feather if she was correct, nice) and smiled up at him. “Alright. Did he leave any booze, at least? If we’re going to talk about our feelings I need a buzz.” He picked up a wine bottle of a nearby table and tossed it to her. She read the label and whistled. “Very nice.” She pulled her dagger off her belt and used it to open the bottle, then she threw the knife so that it dug into the wall beside the door. She took a swig from the bottle. “It’s good. Want some?” He stared at it for several seconds before taking it from her and knocking it back. “So, what are your plans from now on?” she asked. “Where are you going from here?”

Fenris grunted as he moved his legs onto the bed. “I thought I might stay here for a while, in case he comes back. At the very least it’s the last place he would think to look for me. The place is paid off, and he pays all the taxes on it every month. Unless he decides to sell it, I should be fine.” He sighed as he took another swig and just looked down at the bottle. “He used to make me serve this to his guests. Partly to show me off to his allies and partly to frighten his enemies. It’s better than I thought it’d be.”

“The wine?”

“Freedom.” He passed it back to her and sat down beside her on the bed while she took a drink. “I’m kind of overwhelmed by it actually, now that I’m not solely focused on running. There are so many things I’ve never done.”

“You’re getting off to a good start. Bet you’ve never had outrageously expensive wine before tonight. And you’ve got the rest of your life to do what you want.” She pat his knee and grunted as she stood. “Alright. You should get some sleep. Hey, you’ve probably never slept in a feather bed before. Another one to knock off the list. I’m taking the wine.”

“Hey,” he called to her, stopping her before she could leave the room. He grunted as he reached to the floor and rummaged around in his rucksack. He pulled out a sack of coins and tossed it to her. “For helping me with the slavers. Everything that was promised and more.”

“Do I even want to know where you got this much money?”

“No.”

“Alright then,” she said as she fastened the pouch to her belt. “Goodbye.” She left before he could stop her again, yanking the dagger out of the wall as she passed it.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

She ran through Hightown and into Lowtown as the morning sun beat against her shoulders. She finally burst into the Hanged Man, her chest heaving. It wasn’t the first time she’d woken up, hungover, on the Chantry steps and it would probably not be the last the way this year was going. Aveline and Mal were chatting amiably at the bar but the place was otherwise empty. When the two looked up at her she cleared her throat and brushed the strands of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail in the night behind her ears.

Aveline frowned but Mal smirked. “When you didn’t come home last night I was a little worried. I can see that I needn’t have bothered.”

“I have no idea what you mean,” she said, trying to deflect.

“You’re late and hungover,” Aveline said, tactlessly.

“I am sorry about being late,” she said, pulling down her messy post-drunken-haze hair and redoing her typical ponytail. “The other thing is none of your business.”

“Were you with Fenris?” Mal asked, his eyes and smile playful.

“Nothing happened, it’s none of your business.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“You should take it as none of your business. Mal, don’t you have somewhere else to be? Aveline, where are you taking me?”

“Out to the beach. There’s been some suspicious activity and I don’t have the guards to spare.” 

“And I was waiting to hear from you before I headed to Hanison’s farm.”

Aveline turned and started out of the bar with BJ close behind. BJ glared at her brother over her shoulder. “Well, you’ve heard from me, go now.”

“We’re going the same way, sister dear, the fork that leads to Hanison’s is on your way.” 

BJ frowned and pulled the scarf farther up her neck as they walked through the streets that were just waking up. “Don’t ask,” she mumbled when she saw Mal open his mouth again out of the corner of her eye.

He asked anyway. “Are you going to see him again? Does this mean you’re over Varric? Is Fenris going to be my new brother?”

“Nothing happened, none of your business, and fuck off. In that order.”

He shrugged. “For someone with a night like yours you’re awfully tense.”

“I will kill you.”

“I am a city guard, you know,” Aveline said from in front of the twins. “Maybe save your threats of violence for later.”

The trio was silent for a while and once Mal had separated from them down the road to Hanison’s farm BJ stepped up and walked side by side with her red-haired friend. “Aveline, you said yesterday that you would tell me about Wesley.”

Aveline shook her head. “I’d rather talk about your love life to be honest. Who is this Fenris? I thought you were still hung up on Varric.”

“You know about that?”

“Hawke, everyone knows. The patrons at the Hanged Man refer to you as ‘the Boss’s scary girlfriend’. You didn’t notice?”

“They only call me ma’am when I’m around. Ever since that one guy called me ‘sweetheart’ at least. He still has a limp, I hear.” She bit her lip. “Does Varric know?”

“Varric is the one who told the guys at the bar not to bother you about it.”

She pressed the palms of her hands into her eyes. “Maker, kill me now,” she mumbled. She tried to keep her face stoic but the pink in her cheeks ruined it completely.

“So, Fenris,” Aveline said, changing the subject back. “Who is he?”

“An ex-client. He had some slavers on his tail and asked for my help taking out the man who used to own him.”

Aveline frowned. “How did that go?”

“Guy wasn’t there. Probably long gone, back to Tevinter.”

Aveline hummed. “So, I guess you’re to thank for that pile of Tevinter slavers stinking up the Alienage this morning?”

“There were too many to drag into the bay. We’d have been out there till sunrise trying to get rid of them. I put a tarp on them.”

“Well, the captain had to hire a lot of people to clean that up, it cost the city a lot of money. Try to be a little cleaner next time. Should I invite this Fenris fellow to card night this week?”

“Invite him if you want, but I wasn’t lying when I said nothing happened, Mal was just being an ass. I left shortly after he did last night and passed out outside the Chantry.” Aveline got a constipated look on her face at the last part but BJ trudged on, changing the subject. “Enough about me, tell me about Wesley.”

Aveline sighed and paused for a moment, staring at the sand beneath her feet. When she finally looked back at BJ her face was sad but determined. “After he joined the Templars here, he started acting… off. He wasn’t drinking, just coming home late, refusing to eat dinner, snapping at me whenever I spoke. At one point we hadn’t slept in the same bed in a week. Then one night I confronted him about it. He hit me.”

“Maker’s breath,” BJ mumbled. “No wonder you left him.”

“I didn’t. Leave him that is. I stayed for another six months. He hit me two more times before I finally moved into the barracks. The divorce was finalized three months ago by the Vicount and I haven’t seen Wesley since.”

BJ stared ahead for several seconds, letting Aveline’s words soak in. This had happened almost nine months ago? Why hadn’t she noticed? She never saw Wesley and left whenever anyone mentioned he’d be around, but she saw Aveline at least once every week and usually more. Aveline wouldn’t look at her now and BJ had no idea what to say. “Do you…” she paused thinking over her words carefully. She didn’t want to seem like she was judging or pitying her friend but she also wanted to make it clear that she would kill that fucker if asked to. “… Do you need anything?” is what she finally settled on.

That seemed to be the right thing to say because Aveline huffed a laugh and shook her head with a small smile. “Thank you, but no. Let’s just take care of this job, okay?”

BJ was thankful for the change of topic and they both started walking down the path again. “Explain this job to me a little more.”

“Well, for the past few months, we’ve been losing guards. It’s never in the same location, but the guard is always alone and gets ambushed and overwhelmed, and everything they have on them is stolen. It’s too regular to be a mugging and no one would mug a guard in the first place. They know our rotations, somehow, they know when our guards are going to be alone and where they’re going to be.”

“You have a mole,” BJ said. 

“I think so. At every location there has been some suspicious activity leading up to the attack, weird people hanging around, caravan attacks. I think they’re scoping it out for good ambush locations.”

“And you’ve been getting reports about that kind of activity out at the beach?”

“Exactly.”

“How do you want to draw them out?”

“This morning is just a scouting mission. We’re going to walk along the assigned path and see what evidence we can find and maybe figure out where the ambush is taking place. I’ve already taken this route over from Guardsman Donnic for tonight, so I want you to trail behind me and keep an eye out then.”

“I can do that. You want a shield while you walk?”

“No, I don’t want you having to focus on maintaining a shield all night, just be ready to whip one up if I’m attacked.”

BJ nodded and they didn’t speak about Fenris or Wesley the entire afternoon.

 

There were still several hours before she needed to head to the beach to help Aveline and there was no better place in Kirkwall to waste a few hours than the Hanged Man Bar. She stepped inside and waved away the clearly drunk patrons who cheered when they saw her. It was amazing how much they liked her despite all the times she had punched them all in the face. She had once broken Mason’s wrist when he whipped out a knife on her and here he was several weeks later serenading her, though his words were so slurred it was hard to tell what exactly he was saying about her ‘apple breasts’ and why he thought that was an appropriate metaphor.

Varric liked to tease her about it. “Men aren’t hard to figure out, my friend,” he had said to her one night after she’d received a love letter from a man who she had threatened with castration. “They like a challenge.”

“And I’m a challenge?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You’re a triathlon, my dear. They want to defeat you, they want to tame you, just so that they can say they did.”

She had snorted. “They can certainly try. They will lose.”

He’d smirked. “Losing is the best part.”

To this day she had no idea what he meant but tonight she wasn’t in the mood for drunken confessions of love. She must have been giving off exactly that vibe because after she sat down at her usual table and ordered a water from Norah no one bothered her. She was sitting alone for an hour, staring at her quickly scribbled budget, when someone slid into the chair next to hers. 

“Not in the mood,” she said in a voice that should have left no room for argument.

“I can get you in the mood,” said a feminine voice that she recognized instantly. She looked up and her eyes widened. The dark-haired beauty smirked and wiggled her fingers at her. “Looking good, Hawke. You’ve certainly grown up well.”

“Damn... Isabela?”

“What are you drinking water for? I happen to know you can handle your ale with the best of them.”

“I have to work tonight. How long has it been since you stiffed me on the bill and left me to handle that piece of shit boyfriend of yours? Six years?”

She didn’t really remember the several nights she had spent with Isabella but the morning after the last one was seared into her mind. She had woken up when Isabella’s boyfriend opened the door to Izzy’s room at the inn and she found herself alone in bed. The boyfriend attacked her and she had had to fight him off in her birthday suit. Then, after getting dressed, she had gone out to the lobby to look for Isabela only to find out that the pirate had skipped town and promised that BJ would pay her bill.

“Oh, I thought you’d be out of there before Yannie came back. Sorry about that.”

“That’s what you’re sorry about? My brother and I had to walk home to Lothering because I couldn’t afford to hire a carriage.”

The woman leaned until her shoulder was pressed to BJ’s. “Oh, you’re not still hung up on that, are you? I need a favor.”

BJ laughed humorlessly. “I don’t think so. I’m not eighteen anymore, Izzy, I’m not going to fall for… those.” She waved vaguely at the pirate’s chest.

“Okay, not a favor. A job. I’ll pay you.”

“With what?”

Izzy waved at her voluminous figure. “I don’t need money, I have this.”

“Well, I need money.”

“Oh, come on, you can’t tell me you’re not a little sex starved when your options are…” her nose scrunched in disgust and she gestured at the bar as a whole. “… this.”

“I’m fine, Izzy.”

Suddenly, she looked interested. “Oooh, does Beej have a lover? Is it serious? Room for one more?”

“No, that’s not what I said. I just meant that I don’t crave it like you do, I’m fine without it for a while, and I don’t take it in return for my services.”

The pirate frowned and shifted away. “Fine, fine. Never let it be said that Captain Isabela couldn’t take rejection. I guess I’ll just die then.”

BJ sighed and gave up on the budget for now. “Don’t be so dramatic. It’s one night alone, you’ll survive.”

“No, I meant my job. If I don’t get help I’ll be killed.”

BJ paused and looked at her critically. She didn’t appear to be lying but she was definitely being manipulative. “What do you mean?” she asked finally.

“I may have… stolen some cargo.”

“Izzy, if you want my help I’ll need the entire story.”

She shifted uncomfortably before nodding. “Fine. I was hired to move some product. I wasn’t allowed to see it or be there when it was loaded and unloaded and it was guarded at all times. I thought it was just drugs, like usual. Don’t give me that look, no one hires a pirate to ship anything legal. But I didn’t think it was… It was people. Slaves they had rounded up in Ferelden. Elves mostly, scooped up out of the forest and lured out of alienages. I took out the guards and released the slaves and now the person who hired me is out to kill me. I got word from a friend at the dock, he and a bunch of heavily armed people showed up this morning and they’re looking for me.”

BJ massaged the bridge of her nose in frustration. So many slavers in such a short amount of time. “Fine, I’ll help you. Tomorrow. I’m busy tonight. You can stay at my place for now but you leave my little brother alone. If I found out you said something even remotely suggestive to him, I’ll-.”

“Deal! Deal. I won’t say anything to him at all. I’m not interested in any Hawke but you anyway,” she said, grinning flirtatiously.

BJ ignored her and balled up the napkin her budget was on, shoving it into her pocket as she stood. “Let’s go.” The walk back to the house was pretty uneventful but Carver had been unable to take his eyes off their scantily dressed guest from the second she walked into the room. He had been polishing his sword (literally and not euphemistically) and had paused when he first caught sight of her. Five minutes into BJ’s explanation of her sudden presence and he still hadn’t moved. Izzy grinned at him and waved her fingers teasingly. BJ knocked her hand down. “No.”

Jester, previously asleep the by fire, looked like he was ready to jump to BJ’s aid if needed, then seemed to realize she wasn’t in danger and laid his head back down.

“Why not? Come on. When you said ‘little brother’ I was imagining a kid. This is a grownup who can make his own decisions.”

Carver’s chest puffed with pride. “That’s right, BJ, I can do what I want.”

“I’ve slept with her before.”

He was instantly less interested. He gagged and quickly turned back to his sword. Izzy pouted. “No fair. What about the pretty one?” She asked, turning to look at Bethany.

“No,” Bethany said, not looking up from her stitching.

“You have clearly corrupted her. Where’s Mal? He can make me laugh and I’ll forget all about how empty my-.”

“Izzy!”

“What? I was going to say ‘how empty my heart is’.” The smirk on her face said that she was definitely not about to say ‘heart’.

“Alright,” BJ said, speaking to the room. “I’m going to help Aveline. Carver, you have work in the morning, be smart about when you go to sleep. Bethany, don’t stay up all night working on that quilt, it will still be there in the morning. Izzy,” she turned to Isabela and frowned. “just… don’t move. Stay there until I get back.”

Aveline was waiting for her when she arrived at the beach. She raised a red eyebrow. “Late for the second time in one day? That’s not like you.”

BJ waved her off. “Long story, tell you later. What’s that?” she asked, pointing to the satchel over her shoulder. It was bulging and looked really heavy.

She shrugged. “Guardswoman Brennan gave it to me when I left to barracks. Captain’s orders, she said. Alright, I’m going to walk ahead, I want you to remain unseen and follow several yards behind me.”

BJ nodded and the two women put their plan in motion.

The Kirkwall beach was illuminated in moonlight and the only sound was the rolling waves crashing against the sand. Aveline walked down the sandy stone path, trying to appear as casual as possible. She tried to walk leisurely, like she had all the time in the world, and keep her eyes forward. It was easier when she knew she had someone watching her back, but she wasn’t used to relying on other people so entirely.

There was a snapped twig off in the trees to her right and she froze and followed it with her eyes before she could stop herself. She listened closely for two seconds and, over the sound of her quick heartbeats, she heard movement. It couldn’t have been Hawke, the brunette mage was five yards behind her under a glimmer that made her invisible. It must have been the bandits.

It was coming, she was getting close to the ambush site. She took a deep breath in through her nose and then let it, and the tension in her shoulders, out before continuing down the path. She kept time by the steady beating of her heart and gasped as a dark figure jumped out from behind a dune and slashed at her before she could even pull her shield off her back. The sword bounced off an invisible shield right in front of her face and the force sent her attacker onto his ass. She sent a silent thank you to BJ and whipped the sword off her hip as a dozen masked attackers came up onto the path. BJ fizzled into sight right in front of her and swept her hands up in an arc at her sides, casting ice that grew from the ground and trapped the assailants up to their waists.

“That was too easy,” BJ said, still on guard. “Keep a look out.”

Aveline looked around them frantically as BJ walked up to the bandit-cicles. “I don’t see anyone. It’s possible you just took them by surprise.”

“I’m not that lucky.” She walked up to one of the bandits and tugged the mask off her face. “Alright,” she said to the young woman glaring at her defiantly. “This all of you?” Just as she finished speaking she saw a figure running off into the trees. “We got a runner!”

With the others secure in the ice the two women took off after the final bandit. BJ leapt into the air and hit the suspect in the back, knocking them both to the ground. She scrambled back to her feet and pressed her foot into his back to keep him on the ground.

“Nice work,” Aveline said, jogging up. “Are you sure you’re not interested in being a guard?”

“Carver would never forgive me,” she said simply. She had clearly thought about it before. She kneeled down next to the person and flipped off their cloak. “Well, well, well…” she started, a cruel smirk slithering up her cheek. “Look who we have here.”

“You know this man?”

BJ nodded and stood back up, grinning down at the man who was glaring at her from the ground. He was on the small side and was older with long, braided silver hair. “This is Jax. He works for the Sharps Highwaymen. We used to run in similar circles when I was with the Irons. And he’s missing two fingers because he tried to grope my little sister, isn’t that right, perv?”

“What do you want, Hawke?” He grunted. He looked at Aveline and raised an eyebrow. “You running with the Pretenders now?”

“No, that’s a real Guardswoman, and she’s about to take you in. You’re gonna squeal on this little operation you’re running.”

“You must be delusional if you think I’m going to do anything but cut a deal and get out. The captain is not going to let me rat him out.” The two women looked at each other. Jax was clearly under the impression that they knew more than they did. They weren’t about to correct him.

“And you’re delusional if you think I’m going to let you do that with all eight of your remaining fingers.” She pulled out the dagger from her belt and stepped on his palm, pinning his disfigured hand to the ground. “I’ve been meaning to practice my knife throwing, mind if I use your hand? Didn’t think so.” She threw the knife and he cried out in fear but it just embedded in the dirt between his pinkie and ring fingers. “Oh, I missed. Better try again.”

“Hawke,” Aveline started but bit her tongue when Hawke picked up the knife. 

“I- I don’t even know what you want from me,” Jax stuttered.

“Tell us about your deal with the captain.”

“You’re crazy, there’s no-”

She threw the knife again. This time it landed just above his knuckle where his middle finger used to be. Jax flinched but didn’t speak.

“Oops. I really should practice more often. You know what, I think I’m getting the hang of it.” She picked up the knife again. “I think this one is gonna be right on the money. You don’t need your ring finger, do you? That’s the one I’m aiming for.” She aimed and pulled back to her arm.

“Wait!” Jax screamed, tugging to try to free his arm. It didn’t budge from under her foot. “I’ll talk, I’ll talk!”

Hawke grinned and leaned down to pull him to his feet. He was about her height standing but he looked miniscule curled in on himself like that. “See, that wasn’t so hard. Cuff him.”

Aveline frowned but did so and started moving him forward. “That’s not how we do things, Hawke.”

“That’s why you never get anything done.” She noticed Aveline’s hard expression and sighed. “I was never actually going to hit him with it.”

“That doesn’t make it better.”

“It doesn’t make it better at all? So if I had actually taken off his finger you’d still have the exact same opinion of me?”

Aveline looked thoughtful and then shook her head. “No, I guess it does make it a little bit better. You did cut off his other two fingers though.”

“Bethany did it. By accident. She was aiming for his head.”


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

The sun was just peeking over the top of the mountain when she finally made her way home. Exhaustion hummed in her bones and she didn’t even have the energy to hold her rucksack on her shoulder, leaving it held loosely in her fingers and dragging on the cobbled road. When she saw her tiny home come into view she sighed contently and rolled her neck, hoping to find the energy necessary to make it to the door.

She opened the door and was nearly bowled over by the sound that assaulted her.

Carver was screaming at Mal, who was screaming at Isabela, who was just screaming at anyone who would listen and Leandra was in the back of the room sewing and screaming for everyone to stop screaming.

“Alright!” She called. The room got instantly quiet around her and the sudden shift almost caused her to stumble. “What is going on?” Everyone started talking over one another and she waved her hand to shut them up. “You know what? I don’t even care. Mal and Carver, get out. Go scream in the street, so long as I can’t hear you from the bedroom. Isabela-”

“Join you in the bedroom?” She suggested with a lecherous grin.

“Actually, yes. I want to talk about this job but if your top comes off without my permission you can join the boys outside.”

She pouted but shrugged. “Fair enough.”

She stepped out of the way for her brothers to pass her by and then shut the door behind them. “Good morning, Mother,” she said, her voice light. “How was your night?”

Leandra smiled and turned to the quilt in her lap. “Lovely, my dear. And yours?”

“Oh, you know…” She didn’t have the energy to come up with something to say and just waved, wobbling her way into the backroom. She climbed fully clothed into the large shared bed and pressed her face into the pillow. “Alright,” she grunted, rolling over onto her back. Isabella shut the bedroom door and sat on the end of the bed. “Let’s talk about this guy that’s after you. What do you know about him? What do you know about the people he brought?”

“His name is Hayder. He brought about a dozen people, but I wouldn’t put it passed him to hire some sell swords now that he’s here.”

“What do you know of his movements?”

“I know that he’s hold up in a building near the Chantry. His shipping company owns it but they use it to launder money and store their less than legal goods, so it’s well guarded and always being watched by the City Guard.”

She hummed thoughtfully. “Well, the City Guard is in a bit of a tailspin at the moment, they just lost their captain to corruption. I don’t think we have to worry about them interfering but it might still benefit us to lure him and his people to a new location, keep them from having home advantage. I’ll sleep for a couple of hours and then send out some feelers, see if they’ll bite.”

“Thank you for this, Hawke. I’ll be sure to show my appreciation.” She was teasing again, but there was genuine emotion in her eyes for possibly the first time that BJ had seen. She leaned over as BJ closed her eyes and tried to even out her breathing. “Hey, Hawke?” She asked quietly.

“Yes?” She grunted, annoyed.

“Can I lay down with you?”

She sighed and scooted over. “Sure.”

She felt Isabella move around on the straw mattress before finally relaxing nearby. “Hey, Hawke?” She asked again.

BJ groaned. “What?”

“Can I take off my shirt?”

BJ barked a laugh. “Sure.”

Isabella shifted again for a moment to take it off before wrapping her arms around BJ’s body and pressing close to her side. “Just like old times, huh?” When BJ didn’t respond she looked up at the woman’s slack face and noticed her light, even breathing and closed her eyes to go to sleep as well.

 

That evening, with the shroud of a moonless night around them, BJ, Isabella, Mal, and Carver left the Hawke residence. Carver and Mal were still cross with each other for a reason that BJ hadn’t bothered to figure out and were standing as far away as they could from one another. She had only gotten two hours of sleep before waking up to Isabella smothering her. It was not the first time in her life she’d woken up to Isabella’s breasts in her face but for once she wasn’t thrilled by the sight.

She’d pushed the woman off of her and decided not to bother going back to sleep. She had changed her clothes and left the room and started working on Isabella’s job. 

“So I’ve got a question,” Isabella said, her voice sounding excruciatingly loud in the silent Hightown Street.

BJ frowned. “Is it about what we’re about to do?”

“No.”

“Then it can wait.”

Isabela continued on like she hadn’t heard. “How come Mal, Carver, and Bethany call your mother ‘Ma’ and you call her ‘Mother’.”

Mal hummed thoughtfully. “You know, I never noticed that before but it's true. You do call her that. And you used to call Pa by his full name when we were younger.”

“I did not.”

“You did. I distinctly remember Pa begging you once to call him Papa and you just said ‘No Malcolm’ and he looked like he was going to cry.”

“Awww,” Isabela cooed. “Baby Hawke made people cry even back then. How cute.”

BJ glared at her but she seemed unperturbed and just grinned back. “Can we get back to the matter at hand, please?”

“I’ll get my hand back on your-”

“No.”

Isabela and Mal grinned at each other and the foursome continued through Hightown until they reached the Chantry. It was dark and still this time of night and BJ looked around quickly. She saw Fenris step out of the shadows and waved at Carver to let him know it was okay when he tensed up beside her.

“Fenris?” Mal said in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“Hawke asked me if I wanted to kill slavers.”

Isabella cooed and smirked as she leaned against BJ’s shoulder. “This is the mystery man who stole you from me?”

Fenris raised an eyebrow at BJ and she pushed Izzy off of her. “Ignore her. We need to get ready. Are you in?”

“Of course.”

“I think we’re clear,” Carver said.

BJ pointed towards some tall bushes near the staircase. “Carver and Fenris hide there, be ready. Mal, I want you standing nearby, look intimidating. Don’t laugh, by the Maker, wipe that smile off your face. Isabela, put on these manacles and if you say the work ‘kinky’ I swear I will let them have you.” She handed Isabela the cuffs and moved her to sit down on the ground while she struggled to get them on her wrists. “Don’t tighten them. You have to be able to fit your wrists through.” She pulled Isabela’s daggers out of their sheathes and sat them on the ground several feet out of Isabela’s reach. “Memorize where these are, you need to move fast once the fighting starts. I won’t be able to cover you. Does everyone understand the plan?”

“Kill them?” Mal asked.

“Exactly. Just follow my lead.” They weren’t waiting long before twenty people walked into the courtyard. The man out front was giving Isabela a victorious smirk and she spit at him. BJ kicked her in the side. “I’ll kill you if you move again,” she hissed loudly before stepping forward to meet Hayder in the middle.

“You Hawke?” Hayder asked. 

“Yeah, that’s me. I see you got my note.”

“I did, I did. I’ve heard about you, you know. Heard all about your run with the Iron and I thought it was a bit exaggerated. But now you’ve brought me my prize. I’m starting to like you, Hawke. How’d you find her?”

“Didn’t have to look. She came right to me herself to ask for help.” She gave the man a conspiratorial smirk which he answered in kind. “Dumb bitch.” Isabela frowned and BJ could tell she was going to pay for that one later.

Hayder laughed out loud and then paused when he suddenly noticed Mal, standing nearby with his arms crossed over his chest and a glare on his face. As someone who knew him well, BJ could tell that the glare wasn’t real. They would need to work on that. “I thought you said you’d be alone.” He didn’t seem angry, at least, just a bit on edge. She didn’t attempt to move closer to him, choosing instead to wait for him to calm down.

“That’s my bodyguard. Can you blame me for not completely trusting you? You brought at least ten more people than I said I would allow.”

Hayder relaxed with a chuckle. “I see your point.” He hummed and stepped up closer to Isabela. “We were so sorry to hear about your shipwreck. Castillon was heartbroken. You should have let him know you survived.”

Isabela shrugged. “Must have slipped my mind.” 

Hayder sneered and stepped back next to BJ. “How much do you want for her?”

BJ stepped closer and pulled something out of her back pocket. One of the goons behind Hayder cried out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand up. “Boss, she-”

“It’s a pen,” she said, waving the pen loosely in the air. While everyone was distracted by her left hand, she pulled her dagger out with her right and wrapped her arm around Hayder’s neck with the point of the knife pressed to the side of his face. She kicked the man holding her away and scrambled back to where Isabela had quickly discarded her cuffs and made a break for her daggers. “Now!”

Caver and Fenris jumped out of the shrubbery with their swords already swinging (the gardener was going to be pissed). Mal whipped out his own sword and picked his shield up off the ground.

While they held the group off, BJ made quick work disarming Hayder and tossed him to the ground, pulling his hands behind his back and locking him in the manacles.

“You crazy bitch,” he growled as best he could with his face pressed against the stone road. “What sob story did she give you, huh? Did she tell you she stole from some very powerful and angry people?”

“Freeing slaves isn’t stealing.”

He laughed cruelly. “She’s not telling you everything. Ask her about the relic.” She picked his torso up off the ground by the back of his vest and then smashed his face back into the stone. “I’ll kill you for this,” he roared, trying to buck her off his back.

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve heard that? At some point it just loses its meaning, like when you say a word too many times. You people need to get a new line.” She looked up at Izzy, clearly enjoying herself as she downed slaver after slaver. She narrowed her eyes and vowed silently that she would keep an eye on her old friend.

Her friends were making quick work of the mob nearby  and she lifted him onto his feet. When the mob was taken care of they all sat on the stairs with Hayder wiggling on the ground in front of them.

“What are we waiting for?” Fenris asked. 

“A friend of mine is coming to pick up our trash. Not a bad way to spend a night, right?”

Fenris sighed but couldn’t smother a small smile. “Not bad at all.”

Aveline and two other guards stepped into the courtyard and she seemed both impressed and extremely put upon. “Who is this, Hawke?” she asked, looking down at the man bound at her feet.

“Hayder. He’s part of a group shipping illegal goods, including slaves, out of Ferelden. And he’s going to tell you all about it.”

“Fat chanc- ugh,” he grunted when Hawke kicked him in the stomach.

Aveline looked thoughtful. “Alright, I’m not going to ask you why you were interested in him, I don’t think I even want to know. The Kirkwall Guard thanks you for your help in this matter.”

Isabela looked at Aveline appraisingly. “Who’s the uptight ginger?” She asked.

Aveline glared at her. “This  _ ginger _ is the future Captain of the Guard.” There was a venom in her voice that BJ had never heard before.

She needed to defuse the situation quickly. She had had a sinking feeling that these two were not going to get along. She hated being right all the time. “Alright, well, you have clearly got this covered. Let’s head home everyone?” She stood and her friends got up behind her.

“Wait,” Aveline said, holding up a hand. She pointed to the slaver bodies that were strewn across the courtyard. “Clean up your mess this time.” She took Hayder by the arm and lead him swiftly towards the State House.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BJ and Mal may have bitten off more than they could chew when they take on some disgraced Qunari.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

BJ and Mal huffed as they made the trek up Sundermount. It was a beautiful but tiring climb. They had set this day aside to go up to the elven camp and drop of the witch’s trinket but the sun was hot on the backs of their necks and all Mal wanted was to go for a dip at the beach. They were about halfway up the mountain when they heard a cry for help. The twins looked at one another and, without saying a word, took off towards the noise in sync.

They came across a dwarf and some mercenaires surrounded by several giant spiders, more than BJ had ever seen all together. These people must have done something to piss them off. Mal slashed them with his sword and held up his shield to block webbing when it was shot at him. BJ froze them to the ground with a wiggle of her fingers to keep them still for her brother to obliterate and he had cut through the entire lot in a few minutes.

“You going to be okay?” Mal asked when the last of the creatures were dead as he sheathed his sword.

“No thanks to this lot,” the dwarf bemoaned. “Can’t get a decent blade at a bargain anymore.” He looked BJ up and down when she stepped up beside her brother and gave her a salacious smirk. “You though… you’re what a man needs.”

BJ glared at him and crossed her arms. “Excuse me?”

“A skilled enthusiast, I mean,” he said quickly.

She raised an eyebrow. “Is there a job offer in this rambling?”

The dwarf gave a sweeping bow and then took her hand, which she promptly snatched away. “Name is Jevaris Tintop,” he continued as if she had not snubbed him at all. “I need someone to help me court the Qunari. Those horn-heads in Kirkwall have a -uh- powder. Explodes. And it’s just dust, no lyrium, no demons. Anyone can use it.”

“I take it they weren’t keen on selling it to someone like you?”

“That Arishok said that I wasn’t worthy. That only their outcasts, the Tal-Vashoth were that mercenary. I said great! I’ll go talk to them. Didn’t go over well. But! Made me think. Maybe he’ll bargain if I get rid of something that bothers him more than… well, me.”

BJ could see where this was going although she found it difficult to believe there was anything in this world more irritating than the dwarf in front of her. “The Tal-Vashoth.”

“The Tal-Vashoth. Are you up for some paid hunting?”

BJ looked at her brother and asked him a silent question with her eyes and he shrugged in response. They were just a few dozen gold short of their goal, they could use the money and there was no time limit on the witch’s task, they could do that later.

“Alright,” BJ said. “We’ll do it. For a price, and it won’t be cheap.”

“I’m done bargain hunting, I want it done right. Now, best I could figure they’re up the wounded coast, a whole camp. Take their heads of and meet me at the compound in Kirkwall. Get this right, and we’ll be richly rewarded. Richly!”

 

They arrived at the Wounded Coast shortly after noon. Mal whined in the back of his throat when he first glimpsed the water in the distance and BJ was worried she’d have to physically hold him back but he reined himself in and cleared his throat, following her forward. There was a Qunari standing near the path to the beach and he looked up when they arrived, standing resolute. He didn’t seem like he was about to attack but BJ readied a spell behind her back just in case.

“No further, human,” he called. They were close enough now to get a good look at him and BJ was captivated. She had never seen a Qunari up close before but he was fascinating and strangely beautiful. “Tal-Vashoth control these passages,” he continued.

“Will you use force to stop us?” she asked.

“I am no threat to you. I mean only to warn caravans and those who cannot protect themselves, but if you are determined to continue on I will not stop you. Be weary, the path ahead is littered with my kind.”

“Why should we trust you?”

“I have no history of betraying your people. Only my own. I did not like my role, so I left the Qun. I did not wish to be a murdering thief, so I left these Tal-Vashoth to warn their…” he looked at the two Hawkes critically and seemed to realize that they were not as helpless as they first appeared, an unarmed woman and a single man with only a sword and shield. “...victims,” he continued, although the word didn’t have much meaning behind it. “You are no victim, so now I will leave. It would please me if you were to kill them.”

“We intend to.”

“Good,” he said, turning and walking down the path.

BJ watched him go, mesmerized by the muscles of his back. There seemed to be more muscles moving under his skin than on a human man and his wide shoulders and bare back were covered in scars, some fresh and some decades old and white. Were all Qunari so powerfully built or was he an outlier? She turned away when he was out of sight. “Let’s go. I want to get back before nightfall.”

They started up the path along the rocky coast and it wasn’t long before they ran into a small group of the promised Tal-Vashoth. There were only four but they fought like a dozen and seemed to fight harder after BJ revealed that she was a mage. She knew that they didn’t take kindly to those who wielded magic. Mal’s sword barely put a dent in their tough skin and it took an ice shard through the chest to finally kill one of them. When they managed to kill the last of the group they looked at each other, suddenly worried.

“This may be more than we bargained for,” Mal said, looking at a chip in his blade, caused when his sword clashed with the point of one of their spears. “Maybe we should go get backup.”

“No time. If we leave and they find these bodies they’ll regroup and be prepared for us next time. We just have to be smart about this, never take on more than we can handle. Jevaris said there were -what- twenty tops? Now it’s only sixteen.”

Mal looked concerned but nodded and followed her up the slopes. They came upon a cave guarded by three of them and, now that they knew what to expect, it was easier to handle but these Qunari were tough. They had to take a break again after the second group for BJ to regain her mana and for Mal to catch his breath.

“Thirteen,” Mal said under his heavy breath. “More or less. Hopefully less.”

“These were guards, armed to the teeth. The ones inside won’t be expecting us. We’ll have that advantage at least. Maker, they’re tough though. I’ve had an easier time taking down a druffolo.”

Mal raised an eyebrow. “When did you hunt a druffolo? Why didn’t you invite me?”

“Well, I didn’t hunt it so much as a bull got loose from the McNeely farm and tore through the fence like it was on fire. You and Carver were at Ostagar by then. We ate steak for a week, it was great.”

Mal’s jaw dropped in jealousy. “No fair!”

BJ rolled her eyes and lead him into the cave. “I will hunt down another one after the expedition if it’ll make you feel better. I think there are some roaming wild on the other side of the Sundermount, we’ll make a trip of it.”

Mal let it go after that but BJ could tell he was still pouting.

In the tunnels they made their way passed a few single qunari, milling around, and a group of five hanging out in what appeared to be the communal eating cave. They had taken out three of that group when another straggler had happened by and joined her fellows.

“Five,” BJ mumbled, her heavy arms hanging by her sides. Her fingers were starting to turn blue from all the ice magic she’d been using and her body shivered from the chill. Usually it was a reaction she could handle, ice magic always made her feel a little cold, but this was ridiculous. They approached the final chamber, crouched to catch them by surprise, and BJ peeked around the doorway. She hissed. “More than five, more than five.”

“How many more?”

“Two more. Both mages, though they appear to be… prisoners?”

“What do you mean? They’re in cages?”

“No, their wrists are shackled and their mouths are sewn shut. Maybe they’re runaways, from whatever the Qunari equivalent of the circle is.” Mal gave her a sad look that made her skin prickle. She wasn’t used to being pitied. “What?”

“I thought you knew. Beej, that’s just how they treat their mages.”

“All the mages?”

“Every single one. They believe that mages speak demons, so they sew their mouths shut the second they show signs of magic as children.”

Her mouth gaped open and she fell back on her heels. “That’s….”

Mal nodded and put a hand on her shoulder. “I know.”

“We should free them.”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t work like that. They’re brainwashed, Beej, they’re going to fight you. They only follow orders from their handlers and they won’t do anything of their own volition even to save themselves..”

“How do you know all this? If you’re wrong and we  _ can _ save them-.”

“There was an escapee at Ostagar, a mercenary. She escaped as a child, before they had completely brainwashed her. She still had the scars on her mouth from where they’d sewn it shut. Sarabaas that old will be beyond saving. She told me once she saw one slit his own throat because an Arishok ordered him to. He didn’t even hesitate.”

BJ was quiet, staring at the sad shapes of the mages across the chamber. She felt heat prickling under her skin and stood suddenly, marching into the chamber and ignoring her brother’s frantic whispering.

The Qunari noticed her instantly and grabbed weapons, but before they could charge, she threw her hands out to the sides and roared with all her might. The wood beams holding the room up shattered at the base, falling over one by one like dominoes. The room started shaking in seconds when the weight above them had nowhere else to go. The mages by the wall never moved, never flinched, when the wall came down on top of them. BJ stared at where they used to be until a Qunari charged at her, swinging an axe and she fired a shard of ice through his midsection and turned on her heel, leaving as the ceiling came crashing down around her.

“Let’s go,” she said, stoically. The hall they were in shook as the room behind them was buried but the supports held, allowing them to leave at their own pace. They didn’t say a word until they were out in the sun.

“You scare me sometimes,” Mal said. It wasn’t the first time he’d told her so, but it was usually in jest after she did something clever. He was deadly serious this time.

“I know.”

 

They reached the Qunari compound about an hour before sunset, with plenty of time to get home before dark fell. BJ paused at the bottom of the stairs, staring up at the Qunari guarding the entrance. She was still boiling with rage at the thought of what they did to their mages and it took all the self control she had meticulously trained for since she was a child to keep from setting the entire place on fire. If she saw a mage inside in that state she might not be able to hold herself back.

“I’m not going in there,” she said. 

Mal stared at her for a moment before nodding. “I understand. Head home, alright? I’ve got this.”

“Mal, you don’t ‘got this’. You’re too nice to deal with Jevaris, he’s going to cheat you and make you think you’re winning, that’s the way people like him are.”

“You called me nice, but it felt like an insult.”

She took a deep breath and shook out her limbs. “Alright, let’s go.” She started up the stairs and stopped when the Qunari growled. “We have business with your Arishok and the dwarf who's probably in there driving him mad.”

The Qunari allowed her to pass. “The short-mouth. Yes,” he said divisively. The compound was different than she had expected. It was a large open space, hidden from direct sunlight but still bright enough to see. There were no mages, thank the Maker, but there were plenty of Qunari armed to the teeth and watching her carefully. She picked Jevaris out of the crowd easily and stepped up beside him.

“Took you long enough,” he muttered out of the side of his mouth. “I’ve been here for hours.”

“Shut up,” BJ said, not looking at him. Her eyes were fixated on the Arishok, sitting powerfully on a wooden bench at the top of the platform. He was even larger than any of the other Qunari she’d seen, tall and broad and covered in beautiful red armor. His horns were long and curled out from his head like a ram’s. “Be thankful I came at all.”

Jevaris cleared his throat and stepped forward. “Arishok! I’m here to report that you’re hated Tal-Vashoth were felled, one and all, right?” He turned to BJ and she just raised an eyebrow in response. He grunted and turned back. “Right. So, I’m ready to open negotiations for the explosive powder, as we agreed.”

The Arishok shifted. “No.” There was no emotion in his face or voice.

“He’s not getting it,” Jevaris hissed. “Anything you want to say?”

BJ shrugged. “I’m getting paid no matter what he gives you, what do I care?”

“Talk to him, or you get nothing.”

BJ glared but stepped in front of the dwarf with her hands on her hips. “The annoying dwarf wants to know why,” she said, ignoring Jevaris’s protest. 

The Arishok considered her for a moment. “The dwarf imagined the deal for the Gaat-lok. He invented a task to prove his worth when he has none.”

She turned to Jevaris and lifted him up off the ground with a single hand tight in his shirt. “I will kill you, you lying piece of-”

“Get your hands off me, woman!” The dwarf hissed, his feet dangling and his hands swatting at her arm ineffectively.

The Arishok stood slowly. “If you faced Tal-Vashoth,” he said calmly. “He is not worthy of dying to you, just as he was not worthy of dying to them. Let him live and leave.”

She paused and looked around at all the armed guards. “He can live,” she said, sitting him down but not releasing his shirt from her first. “But I will not allow him out of my sight until I have the gold he promised me.”

“Dwarf,” the Arishok said then. “Did your imaginary bargain make promises on my behalf?”

“I- uh - expected your wisdom to be more profitable.”

“Then you will pay, on my behalf.”

“Sod it all!” he hissed, taking the coin purse out of his pockets and throwing it at her. It hit her shoulder and clattered to the ground and she growled but released him. The dwarf muttered curses to himself as he hurried away.

“You will leave as well, human,” The Arishok said when the dwarf was gone. “This is no more coin for you here.”

BJ scooped the bag off the ground and hung it on her belt. She gave the large qunari one last look over before turning and leaving the compound. She just wanted this day to be over.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra chapter this week, i'm going on vacation and probably won't have internet access.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Three days before they were set to leave for the Deep Roads, BJ awoke to a quiet knock on the front door. She gingerly lifted Mal’s arm from her waist and slid her leg out from underneath Bethany’s as she climbed out of their shared bed, hoping not to wake anyone. They had been working very hard the last few days and she and Mal would be in the mountains overnight that night so everyone needed as much rest as they could get. She tiptoed out of the bedroom and shut the door behind her. Her mother was asleep in a chair by the wood stove and she paused briefly to pull a fallen blanket up over her body before making her way to the door. When she looked out the peephole she didn’t see anyone so she opened it up and smiled at Varric, stepping outside in the early morning sunrise and shutting the door behind her. She was only in her night pants and undershirt but it was a warm morning so she didn’t even notice.

“What’s going on?” she asked when she noticed the anxious look on his face.

“I’m sorry to wake you so early.”

“Varric, it’s fine. Just tell me what you need.”

Varric sighed, clearly annoyed at something. “We just found out that the Deep Road maps Bartrand was using are no good. The entrance tunnel they show collapsed years ago, maybe even before the last Blight.”

“So, is the expedition a no go, then?” She wanted her money back if that was the case.

“No, no, I have a plan. We just need to find a Grey Warden.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Oh, is that all?”

He just looked fondly exasperated and shook his head. “Word is there’s one in town. A healer doing some pro bono work in Darktown.”

“So we’re stealing maps from a saint?”

“Why did your mind immediately go to robbery? No, we’re just going to ask.”

“Oh. Well if you were going to go the diplomatic route why did you come to me?”

Now he looked awkward and rubbed the back of his head. “I was actually here for Mal.”

She wasn’t sure why she felt offended. “Oh, yeah, sure, why wouldn’t you be. Come in. Be quiet.” She started to open the door before pausing. “Please be quiet,” she amended. Varric just gave her an indulgent look and followed her inside. She held up a hand to ask him to wait by the door and went into the backroom. She grabbed her twin’s ankle and tugged, shushing him when he yelped. “Varric is here with a job for you.”

“Tell him to come back later,” he grunted. He got almost as grouchy as she was daily whenever he was this tired.

“It’s important. The expedition is on the line.”

He groaned and it turned into a high pitched whine when he climbed out of the bed. “Fine. But he better throw in a breakfast at the bar.”

“I’ll ask him, just get dressed.” She left the bedroom and nodded at Varric’s questioning look. “He wants food, but he’s up.”

Varric chuckled quietly and turned towards the door. “I’ll go throw something together. Have him meet me at the bar when he’s able to walk in a straight line? Thanks.” 

She let him out and shut the door behind him. She got dressed quickly and, after making Mal put his shirt on the right way around, she guided her groggy brother through the empty Lowtown streets. She only had to pull him once to keep him from stepping into a gutter, so a good trip overall. He was more awake when they reached the bar but not quite enough to read the ‘PUSH’ sign on the door. She’s a gracious big sister so she only let him struggle with it for a minute.

“Push,” she said, trying to keep her amusement out of her voice, and probably failing. He hummed, too tired even to be embarrassed and pushed on the door. He managed to get himself onto one of the stools at the bar and propped his head on his hand, closing his eyes. “Don’t fall back asleep,” she chastised, knocking his hand down. 

He blinked but was able to hold his head up. “What are we doing here?”

“Varric wanted to talk to you.” She tried to be patient with him when he was like this, but it was hard not to get frustrated when his usual rock solid memory failed. It was one thing she had always been jealous of him for, he could remember just about anything from when they were young and he could remember the exact words she had said to him three weeks ago. She only had fuzzy maybe-memories from her childhood that she wasn’t sure weren’t completely imagined and couldn’t remember what she’d had for dinner the night before. Oh yeah, she hadn’t eaten dinner, that’s why.

Varric stepped out of the kitchen with two plates of food and looked surprised when he saw her. “Oh, I didn’t realize you were coming too, Beej. I’ll go make you a plate.”

BJ blinked, confused. He hadn’t wanted her to come help? “That’s fine, Varric. I can leave.”

“No, no, you can tag along.”

Tag along? She watched him closely to see if he was teasing her. She didn’t ‘tag along’, she had never tagged along in her life. “Yeah,” she said instead of what she wanted to say. “Alright. I’ll… watch you guys, I guess.” She sat down awkwardly on the bar stool beside her brother as he dug into the plate of food sat in front of him.

The only sound for several minutes was Mal’s messy eating. If she were in charge they’d have a plan of action by now, but it’s fine. She crossed her arms and leaned back against the counter, tapping her foot.

No one spoke until Mal and Varric were finished eating. “Alright,” Varric started, clapping his hands. “Now that we’re all full, Mal, I need you to ask a healer in Dark Town for some of his Deep Road maps.”

Mal shrugged. “Okay.”

“That’s it?” BJ asked, standing. “That’s your plan?” She couldn’t hold it in anymore.

Mal blinked at her. “What plan? This isn’t a mission, we’re just asking someone for help.”

“What if it goes wrong? What if he refuses, what if he asks for something in return?”

“Then we’ll give him what he wants. It’s only fair.”

“Yes, but how far are we willing to go? If he wants us to pick something up for him that’s one thing but what if he asks us to kill someone? You need to have your line in the sand ready before you get there so that you don’t hesitate when you need to respond.”

Varric and her brother glanced at each other incredulously before turning back to her. “Do you go into every conversation with a game plan ahead of time?” Varric asked.

“Of course. Usually. This one is throwing me a bit for a loop. What is it that you guys do? Wing it?” She said the last part so derisively that Mal felt a little offended.

“Well, yeah.” Mal stood up and pat her shoulder kindly. “How about we handle this one? You should go get ready for our trip tonight.”

BJ frowned and stood her ground. “No, I want to see this. I want to watch you wing it.”

Mal glanced back at Varric again and the dwarf shrugged. Mal sighed. “Alright, but you can’t say anything. Even if you think I’m doing it wrong. Just let me talk to this healer and if something goes wrong you can handle it, okay?”

“Fine.” Mal knew his sister well enough to know that it was not fine.

The walk to Darktown was as tense as Mal had feared it would be. BJ was clearly out of her comfort zone and was angry that she even had a comfort zone in the first place. It’s not that she was hoping for violence but it baffled her that no one else prepared for it before putting themselves in a situation where it was possible. This healer could be a mass murderer and they weren’t even going to ask around about him first. They had no leverage, they didn’t even seem prepared for him to just flat out refuse them.

They arrived at the clinic and stepped inside to see a tall blonde man leaning over a child, his small body racking with coughs, and a worried woman off to the side who BJ could only assume was the mother. His hands glowed in a way similar to Bethany’s magic as he waved them over the child before finally laying his hand over the child’s forehead. The child gasped and his eyes snapped open. He coughed twice before breathing regularly.

The mother sobbed and rushed forward to hug him tightly to her chest. “Thank you,” she said through tears as she buried her face in her son’s hair. “Thank you.”

BJ admitted silently that they probably didn’t have to worry about this guy being violent towards them. Someone who cured children for free probably wasn’t about to attack them for no reason. He turned to them then and she felt Mal tense beside her briefly. She turned to look at him and saw a star-struck expression on his face. 

“Can I help you?” The man asked. He was obviously on edge, just as cautious of them as she was of him.

“Uhhh….” Mal stumbled over the word, staring unblinkingly at the man’s face. “I-I’m Mal,” He cleared his throat and then seemed to get a hold of himself. His voice was deeper when he spoke again. “I’m Malcolm Hawke.”

BJ raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. He never wanted to be called Malcolm.

The healer smiled kindly, relaxing. “It’s nice to meet you, Malcolm. What can I do for you folks? I’m sorry, but unless it’s an emergency there’s a bit of a wait for medical attention.”

“No, no, we’re fine.” He turned to BJ like he was checking with her and she just stared back at him. He cleared his throat again and turned back to the healer. “I’m sorry, but were you a Grey Warden?”

The healer tensed up again. His kind expression turned down into a glare and his voice was hard when she spoke again. “Did they send you? I’m not going back, no matter what you say. They made me get rid of my cat, Ser Pounce-A-Lot.”

“Oh Maker, he’s adorable,” Mal mumbled under his breath, and BJ suddenly realized what was going on. “No, I’m not with the Wardens. We’re going on an expedition in a few days to the Deep Roads and were hoping you would have some maps that could help us. Our old ones turned out to be useless.”

The healer watched them for a long moment before responding. “I have maps that would help you.” He stepped forward and looked at the group appraisingly. His eyes stopped on BJ and seemed to recognise that she was a mage too, even though she didn’t have a staff. He turned back to Mal and BJ could tell that he was about to ask for something. She had promised not to say anything, she just hoped Mal wouldn’t let his obvious attraction to the man sway his judgment. “There’s something I need in return.”

“Anything.”

Well, so much for that. BJ rolled her eyes and pressed her fingers to her forehead. He was absolutely going to mess this up.

“There is a friend of mine in the circle. I’m meeting with him tonight at the Chantry and I need help getting him out of town. After he’s safe, you’ll have your maps.”

“Yes, we can do that.”

BJ grunted and tugged on her brother’s arm. “We’re going to the Elven camp tonight to drop off that blighted locket.”

Mal didn’t even look back at her, refusing to turn away from the healer’s face. “You can go. I’ll help him.”

She threw up her arms. “Fine. But don’t be stupid and go alone, wherever there’s a runaway mage there are Templars not far behind. Take Carver and ask Izzy too. This is what happens when you wing it.” She turned to Varric, annoyed. 

He shrugged and grinned. “So, if you had been doing the talking you would have prepared for the off-chance you’d get a crush on the guy?”

“Yes.” 

Mal’s face turned red and he twiddled his fingers. “I don’t-” He turned to BJ was he could tell by her face that she wasn’t about to be convinced so he turned back to the healer instead. “I don’t have a...” He trailed off, unable to say the word.

The healer smiled and pretended to believe him. “I’ll meet you outside the Chantry tonight. If you’ll excuse me, I have some patients who need my help.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Mal said, turning towards the door. He paused and scrambled to run back to him. “Wait, uh, what’s your name?”

“Anders.”

Mal grinned and then turned to leave. “See you tonight, Anders.”

BJ looked at Anders skeptically with her arms crossed over her chest. She didn’t trust him, but she stood up and followed her brother and Varric out of the clinic.


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

“Make sure you have the maps in your hand before you part ways,” BJ was saying as she threw her rucksack over her shoulder. Jester waited patiently by her feet, excited that he was finally big enough to go on an adventure.

“Yes, Ma’am,” Mal said, teasing. 

“And keep an eye on Carver. If he gets hurt, you make sure that guy heals him first. So long as you’re not dying you can tough it out until he’s done with your baby brother.”

“So glad you care about my pain.” Mal said, dryly. 

They both ignored Carver in the backroom who yelled “I’m not a baby!”

“What about me?” Izzy asked from the chair beside Leandra. “What about my potential pain?”

“Suffer.”

Mal laughed and started pushing his sister towards the front door. “We’ve got it, Beej. We’ll be very careful and see you when you get back tomorrow.”

“Bethany is going to get home from work in a couple hours and she’ll probably be awake when you get back, so please don’t walk in covered in blood, you’ll only worry her.”

“I’m bringing a change of clothes just in case.”

“Good, good. Not the blue shirt, bring the red one instead, if any blood gets on it after you change it’ll be harder to see.”

“Yes, I’m way ahead of you. We’ll be fine, BJ, I know what I’m doing.”

She sighed and opened the front door. “I know, but I have to say it.” She started out the door before yanking herself back with wide eyes. “What about-”

“I have three health potions in my bag, wrapped in my shirt to keep them from breaking. I can handle this.”

“Fine,” she mumbled as she finally left. “Bye, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jester trotted out after her with his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth.

“Bye,” Everyone called.

Mal sighed after shutting the door behind her. “I swear, it’s like having two mothers.”

Leandra chuckled. “You just don’t understand what it’s like to feel responsible for the lives of the people you love.”

Isabela grinned. “I think its cute. She’s like a little mother hawk looking out for her hawklings.”

“I am her twin, I’m the exact same age as her, I’m not a hawkling. I’m a full grown bird of prey.”

Isabela laughed out loud and nearly fell out of the chair from the force of it. Even Leandra laughed a little, though she had the decency to try and smother it. “You’re not very convincing when you refer to yourself as a ‘bird of prey’, big guy,” Izzy teased.

“Ma, how much older than me is BJ?”

Leandra’s grin fell and she looked surprised at the question. “Well, I don’t know off the top of my head, Dear,” she said. “Not much.”

“Five minutes? Twenty? An hour?”

She hummed and looked back down at the letter she was in the middle of writing. “More than that. I’m not sure exactly.”

“Well, if you do remember, could you tell me? I want to have a precise number the next time she tries to treat me like a kid.”

“Of course, Sweetie. I’ll try to jog my memory.”

Carver came out of the back room in his armor. “You still treat  _ me _ like a kid,” he told his brother.

“Well, that’s because in my head you’re always gonna be twelve years old and following us around like a shadow. It’s different.”

“But I’m not twelve.”

“Whatever you say, kiddo.” Mal ruffled his much taller brother’s hair as he walked passed him to go get his armor. Carver glared after him and quickly fixed his hair.

They left the house a few short minutes later and chatted amiably on the walk over. It was different than going on a mission with BJ. She’d be going over their plan for the third time and would say ‘Be serious’ whenever one of them cracked a joke. It was kind of nice.

Anders was easy to find when they arrived at the Chantry. Mal smiled and waved at him as they approached. Anders had a serious, but not unkind, expression on his face. “Thanks for coming,” He healer said. “My friend is inside, I saw him arrive not a minute ago. Are you ready to go?”

Mal nodded and started getting into his fighting mindset. It was harder than usual because he kept getting distracted by how tight Ander’s robe was around his surprisingly muscular arms. “Ready.”

Isabella shimmied up to Mal’s side and pressed her arm against his, giving him a smirk and Carver was making kissing faces when Anders turned his back. Mal rolled his eyes and hurriedly stepped inside the Chantry, holding the door open for Anders and letting Carver catch it as it closed.

There was a short staircase and then the main body of the worship area. It was empty which was weird. He and BJ had ducked in here several times to hide from the gang members/guards/disgruntled nobles that often chased them through the streets and he knew for a fact that there were usually a few people milling around inside even at this time of night. Devotees praying for their loved ones mostly, but sometimes there were Sisters who couldn’t sleep and were looking for a little conversation. He knew BJ didn’t believe, but he had always liked the idea that there was someone looking out for him in the hard times. He had never prayed in his life and wasn’t about to start, but it was still a nice thought.

“It’s too empty,” he whispered to Anders. 

Anders didn’t seem concerned. “It’s after midnight, everyone has probably gone to bed.”

Mal wasn’t too sure but he started looking around for the runaway Circle mage. He caught sight of a figure over by the devotional altar in the corner and tugged on the back of Ander’s robe to get his attention. When Anders looked at him he pointed to the figure and the man’s face lit up.

They quietly made their way over.

“Karl,” Anders called. When the man didn’t move Anders reached out and gently grabbed his shoulder to turn him around. 

Mal almost didn’t believe what he was seeing for a moment and it took several seconds for him to catch up with what was right in front of him.

Isabela hissed between her teeth. “Poor guy.”

“Tranquil…” Anders murmured. 

The body that used to belong to a man named Karl didn’t reply and just watched them with a blank expression. There was no one inside anymore. He was Tranquil.

Mal spun around and looked frantically around the room. “Ambush, be prepared. He’s bait.”

“No,” he heard Anders say.

Mal turned back to him but he could hear the clanking of armor as the doors across the room flew open and Templars rushed in. “Anders, he’s gone, we need to be prepared to fight!”

“No,” Anders said again. He turned towards the Templars as they drew their swords and came running. “NOOOOOOOO!” the healer screamed at the top of his lungs. Halfway through the word his voice changed to a much deeper register.

Then his eyes started glowing an eerie neon blue and air whipped around him as he screamed. His hands glowed blue and a stream of energy shot out and decimated the entire first row of Templars. Isabela and Carver looked over at Mal, who was watching, amazing and slightly frightened. “Alright, let’s kill some Templars. Don’t get in his way,” he said. He gave a battle cry of his own and surged into the fray.

He stayed close to his brother, blocking attacks meant for him, but kept Anders in his peripherals at all times. He couldn’t let this go too far. Whatever Anders was, he might be too far gone at this point to come back.

When the last Templar fell with a swipe of his blade, he jogged over to Anders. He was no longer attacking, thankfully, but his eyes were still glowing and now so were the cuts the Templars had inflicted on his face and chest. His robe was sliced open in the middle and Mal could see a deep wound that was dripping blood all down his leg.

Mal cleared his throat and stepped forward, putting his hand on Anders’ shoulder. “Hey buddy. You good?”

The healer did not respond.

“Anders?” Spoke a new voice.

Anders came back to himself quicker than he had gone berserk and everyone turned with him to find the source of the voice.

“Karl,” he said, amazed.

And it was certainly amazing.

Not only was Karl aware, he was crying. Tranquils didn’t cry, ever. They also never smiled and they were never scared. But Karl was crying and he was terrified.

“Don’t make me go back,” he whispered.

Anders surged forward and swept the man into a hug. “Never, you’re never going back to the Circle, we’re getting you out of here.”

“No, not that. Don’t make me go back to being Tranquil. I can already feel it… creeping… I don’t have long.” Anders pulled away and they stared into each other’s eyes. “Let me die as myself, old friend. Please.”

Anders was crying too now and he shook his head. “No, I don’t know what healed you, but we’ll figure it out and we’ll do it again.”

“I would rather die right now,” Karl said, his voice shaking. “Than live another minute as that shell of a human being. Please, Anders.”

Anders sobbed and Mal felt like an intruder. He shouldn’t be watching this but he couldn’t look away. He pulled one of Isabela’s daggers off her belt and she barely noticed because she was watching too with a stony expression. Carver had looked away and was hurriedly wiping at his eyes.

He handed the dagger to Anders and the healer stared at him for a long second before looking back at his friend’s eyes. “I’m sorry. I tried to save you.”

“You are saving me.”

Ander made a choked sound before thrusting the dagger into Karl’s ribs. The man died quickly in Anders’ arms and Mal made the decision that they should leave him be. He led his brother and Isabela outside and then silently waved at them to just go home. They left and he was outside the Chantry alone for ten minutes before Anders exited.

He looked surprised to see Mal there and Mal gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile. “Hey,” he said. “How are you doing?”

“How do you think,” Anders snapped, then he sighed and shook his head. “I’m sorry, that was unworthy. It’s nice that you would care enough to ask. I’ll be okay. I hadn’t seen him in years but he was one of my only friends.”

“Well, I know that nothing is going to replace him but you can talk to me if you want. I am really good at listening, so long as it’s not my sister talking at me and it’s not extremely early in the morning.”

Anders chuckled joylessly. “Thank you. I might take you up on that.” They were both quiet for a moment before the healer spoke again. “You can ask. I know you want to.”

Mal took a deep breath and did just that. “What was that in there? The blue... the voice… My sister is a pretty powerful mage but I’ve never seen her do something like that. That wasn’t… human.”

He felt bad for saying it that way but Anders just nodded. “You’re right. It’s not human. I have a spirit. It’s attached to me, for lack of a better explanation. He’s part of me but separate at the same time. Like a shadow.”

“Does he take over like that often?”

“Rarely. Only when he feels there has been a great injustice. That’s his nature. Justice.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Not during. After, I can be a little sore and tired.”

Mal sighed and looked over the dark courtyard. “We should probably leave before someone discovers those bodies.” He turned and started down the stairs and the healer followed him. He paused at the bottom and looked at Anders nervously. “Don’t uh… Don’t tell my sister about Justice? She’s going to be pissed when she finds out and I don’t want her to blame you.”

“Is that who that woman was in the clinic earlier? Your sister?”

“Yeah, my twin sister.”

“You two don’t look very similar. I thought she might be your wife.”

Mal grunted. “No, we get that a lot, but no. She gets really angry when people say that so don’t tell her that either. I uh… I actually prefer the company of men. Although, I say ‘prefer’ but it’s exclusively men, I don’t know why I always say it like that. So even if she weren’t my sister, you know... ick…” Anders laughed and it brought a smile to Mal’s face. “Wh- What about- What about you?”

“Am I attracted to your sister, you mean?” He was teasing but Mal let him get away with it. He wasn’t sure if it was rude to plainly ask someone something like that and didn’t want to push his luck. Anders just shook his head but he didn’t seem offended. “No. I like women and men, and I’m sure that your sister is very nice-” Mal snorted. “But she’s not my type.”

“What is your type?” He wasn’t sure if he kept the hopefulness out of his voice, but he tried.

He shrugged. “Don’t know. Haven’t found it yet.” They were well into Hightown now and the streets were still silent. He wasn’t sure how long they were going to walk together but he liked the serenity of the moment. Anders paused suddenly and started rooting around in his bag. “Your maps,” he said, handing Mal a set of rolled papers.

Mal blinked. He had completely forgotten about the maps. BJ would have killed him if she came home and he didn’t have them. “Have you been to the Deep Roads?” He asked as he took the maps.

The healer’s face twisted in disgust. “Yes. More times than I care to remember. I would be very happy to never see them again in my life.”

Mals face fell. “Oh, I was going to ask you if you’d like to go.”

Anders looked surprised. “Really?”

“Well, we expect to find some treasure and I thought if you wanted to come with us and have a share of what we found it might help out your clinic.”

“That’s… really nice of you.” He looked conflicted. “I’ll think about it.”

The moment was awkward. “Um, Isabela’s coming too. And Carver. You met them tonight.”

“Carver is your younger brother?”

“Yeah. 

“Now,  _ you two _ look identical. He’s like you, if you were a giant.”

Mal grinned and nodded. “People used to call him my doppelganger. Then he outgrew me, the little twerp.” They chuckled together and he continued. “I have another sister, Bethany. She is Carver’s twin. She looks just like me, too. BJ is the odd one out, she takes after our father. Bethany will not be joining us in the Deep Roads, per my Ma’s request. She was pretty disappointed about it. Varric, he was the dwarf from the clinic, he will be there. His brother is in charge of the whole thing.”

“Sounds like a good time.”

“Well, when you’re going head first into the unknown and certain doom, it helps to have people you care about around.”

Anders gave him a small smile. “That’s nice.” He paused by a set of stairs near the entrance into Lowtown. “This is my stop. Thanks for your help tonight.”

“I’m sorry it didn’t go the way you hoped. And I’m sorry about your friend. He seemed like a really special guy.”

Anders nodded slowly. “He was. He was the only thing that made living in the circle bearable. And now he’s gone.”

“I’m sure it doesn’t mean much coming from me, but I think you did the right thing. I know that BJ says Tranquility is a worse fate than death and if it had been her I would I have done the same thing. He didn’t deserve that.”

“No, he didn’t. But he’ll have justice. I’ll make sure of it. I’ll see you around, Malcolm.” He turned and started down the stairs.

“You could call me Mal,” the oldest Hawke boy called before the mage got too far. “Most, uh, most people do. I like it.”

Anders waved at him. “See you around, Mal,” he amended as he disappeared into the dark.

Mal sighed and turned to continue his walk home.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

_ Meanwhile _

BJ paused and looked back at the house. She could still see it, maybe she should go back and go over the checklist with Mal again. Jester wuffed at her and gave her an intelligent and unamused look.

“What?” she asked him. “Don’t give me that look.”

He wuffed again and continued down the street. She sighed and followed him. She wasn’t sure the last time her brother had gone on a mission without her. Ostagar, maybe, if that counted. He and Carver had gone, so it’s not like they were alone but she had been worried constantly the entire three months they were gone. Her father had caught her several times trying to sneak out of the house, just to pop over to the ruin and check on them.

“It’s commendable how much care you take of your siblings. I wish all siblings in the world cared as much as you do, there might never be another war,” he had told her one night after pulling her back through the window she had tried to escape through by her foot. She hadn’t believed him about the war thing. She would kill for her brothers if someone threatened them and she was pretty sure something like that might cause a war. “But they can’t be your whole life. What happens if, Maker forbid, you lose them? What if they lose you? When someone is your entire world, their loss will break you.”

“Aren’t you and Mother like that with each other?”

“It’s different, because even if I lose her or she loses me, we will still have you and your brothers and Bethany. That’s my point. You need something else that will keep you moving when you’re broken.”

She hadn’t found that thing yet, and the longer they were in this Maker-forsaken city the more attached she got to them. Even now she was only five minutes away from them and feeling withdrawals and the need to make sure they were still breathing. Jester bumped the backs of her knees to keep her moving every time she even glanced over her shoulder.

She felt a little better the farther she got out of town. Anything that happened now was out of her hands so it didn’t make sense to dwell on it. She enjoyed the hike. It was a kind of peace she hadn’t felt since living on the farm. It was almost sundown when she reached to elven camp. The guards at the entrance stopped her as she had expected and she held up her hands to show she meant no harm. She could see a bonfire in the distance and some people were dancing.

“You’re not welcome here, Shem,” the male elf hissed. He looked at Jester suspiciously and Jester just looked completely calm and playful with his tongue hanging out of his open mouth.

She slowly reached into her pocket and pulled out the locket that Flemeth had given her more than a year ago. “You know what this is?” They were still distrustful and did not lower their weapons but they nodded. “Your Keeper is expecting me.”

They looked at each other and then back to her before stepping aside. “We’re watching you,” the woman said.

She stepped inside and the music and laughter instantly stopped. She held up a hand for Jester to stay put and he laid down by the elven guard’s feet. The small woman looked at him cautiously and reached down to pat his head. 

Everyone watched her cautiously and adults shooed their children into tents. She didn’t get very far before being met by an elderly elf woman with a kind face who greeted her. “Are you messenger of Asha-Bellanar?”

“Flemeth?” She asked, holding up the locket.

“Yes, that is one of her many names.”

“And Asha’Bellanar? What does that one mean?”

“Woman of many years.”

She tried to hold in her amusement to be respectful.  Their name for her is ‘Old-lady?’ She held out the locket. “Well, here’s her trinket.”

The woman shook her head. “No, no, I cannot touch it. No one of elven decent may touch it. In the morning, you will go with my First to the top of the mountain and perform the ceremony.”

She frowned. “The witch didn’t tell me that part. I have to get home early tomorrow.”

The elf ignored her. “You may borrow one of our cots for the night.”

She sighed, resigned to her fate, but shook her head. “That’s very kind, but I think your people would feel better if I camped down the path a bit.”

“I understand. Have some food, at least, Dear.” She walked surprisingly swiftly over to a nearby table and handed her a skinned rabbit. “It’s the least we can do for you for bringing that to us.”

BJ took to the rabbit gratefully and walked about ten minutes down the mountain camp away from the camp. It was a warm night and she was sweating by the fire as her rabbit cooked. She eventually stripped down to her undershirt and leggings but the heat and moisture in the air was stifling. Jester wandered off at some point to hunt for himself, but she was able to rest easy knowing he would find her when he was done.

She doused the fire as soon as the rabbit was done and went to sleep with a full stomach and a sky full of stars.

 

She woke the next morning to the sound of footsteps getting closer. Trying not to give away that she was awake, she moved her hand out of view and called lightning to her fingertips. The steps got closer, and just when she was about to defend herself, there was a shriek and the sound of someone crashing to the ground.

She sat up quickly and looked around at the intruder. It was still dark out but she could see a young elf with short black braids in the dirt at the edge of her camp. She had clearly tripped on something (nothing?) and fallen on her face. She groaned and rubbed her nose as she got onto her knees. Jester appeared from the brush and lopped over to her, pressing his wet nose into her face and licking her when she giggled. She pet him slowly and then suddenly looked up at BJ and got a panicked expression.

“I’m so sorry, did I wake you? Well, I meant to wake you, but not like that. I’m Merrill, First to Keeper Marathari.” BJ stared at her but did not respond and she seemed to get more flustered. “I’m terribly sorry, do I have the correct campground? Are you the messenger?”

“How many other humans are camping so close to you?”

“Ah, none, I suppose. I’ve come to wake you and bring you some breakfast before we head off up the mountain.” She blinked and then gasped. “Oh, dear! I forgot to bring the toast and jam! Wait right here, I’ll run and get it.” She jumped to her feet.

“Hold on,” BJ said, grunting as she stood with her dog running around her legs in excitement. “I’ll go with you, and we can eat the toast and jam on the way up the mountain, yeah?”

“Oh, yes, I suppose that would save a bit of time.”

She waited patiently while BJ got dressed and cleaned up the remains of her fire and dinner and, when she was finished, BJ waved her on and followed her back towards the camp. 

“You seem awfully nervous,” BJ said, smirking a bit.

“I’ve never met a human before. Dalish mothers frighten their children with stories about you, you know. Not you, personally, of course.”

“I knew what you meant.” There were a few people milling around when they reached the Dalish campground, preparing food or cleaning up, but BJ didn’t really look at them. When she did, she saw them glaring and baring their teeth. For a moment she thought they were doing it towards her but soon realized that their ire was aimed at their fellow elf. “Lovely folk, aren’t they?” Merrill stopped at a small table and picked up two pieces of toasted bread covered in a purple jam and handed one to her.

Merrill seemed not to notice the sarcasm. “Oh, yes. The people here are quite kind.” She suddenly gasped and spun around at the base of the path up the mountain. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t ask your name. Unless... It’s not rude to ask a human their name is it?”

BJ blinked. “Um, no. It’s quite alright. My name is Hawke.”

“Oh, lovely name. I’ll remember it. Well, I surely hope I’ll remember it at least. We’re going to be spending some time together.” She turned back around and headed up the path.

“Is this going to take so long?” She really needed to get back home. They were leaving for the Deep Roads tomorrow.

“The ritual? No, we’ll be back by midday. I meant because I’ll be going with you back to the city. I’d very much appreciate it if you would show me to the alienage when we get there. I’m sure I could find my way, though, if you’re busy.”

“What? You’re coming with me?”

“Did the Keeper not tell you? Oh, I’m so sorry, it must have slipped her mind. My path is diverging from the clan’s.”

“Yeah, but why do you need me to take you?”

“Well, I’ve never been, see. I wouldn’t know where to go.”

“Follow the smell of desperation and booze, you’ll find Lowtown.”

“I don’t believe I’m familiar with those scents.”

BJ frowned but decided she’d go along with it. This elf reminded her a bit of Bethany. “So, why are you leaving?”

Her face got hard. “I have to. Let’s leave it at that for now, all right?”

Yeah, she was a lot like Bethany. Her little sister got that same look on her face when she was in trouble. BJ felt a flare of protectiveness burning in her stomach. “Are you in some kind of trouble?”

“It’s not like that. Not exactly, anyway. The Keeper and I have disagreements, but it will sort itself out in time.”

No problem that caused someone to leave their family would sort itself out, but the elf seemed so sure. Maybe disagreements worked differently for the Dalish. She cleared her throat and changed the subject. “So, you’re a mage,” she started, pointing to the wooden staff on her back.

“Oh, yes. All Keepers know a bit of old magic.”

“Kirkwall is a dangerous place for mages, you know. It’s full to the brim with Templars who would love a good snack.”

Merrill looked thoroughly scandalized. “They don’t really eat mages, do they?”

“No, no. Those are just the kind of stories mage mothers tell to frighten their children,” she said.

Merrill giggled, it was light and high pitched and exactly how she imagined an elf would laugh. “Oh, because of earlier. I know it will be dangerous, but if I don’t go I’ll be alone, and that’s worse. In the city, I’ll just be a face in the crowd.” 

She could understand that, she supposed. They reached  the top of the path and it ended at the mouth of a cave and a small campfire. There was a single elf at the fire, who stood and sneered when Merrill approached.

“So, I see you’ve finally found someone to take you away from here.”

“Yes.”

“Then finish your task quickly, human. We cannot be rid of this one too soon.”

BJ stepped between the aggressive man and Merrill and narrowed her eyes at him, gently pushing Merrill towards the cave. Jester barked once at the man and ten followed after them. Merrill seemed surprised that she was being protected but stumbled along at BJ’s pace. “He wouldn’t have hurt me,” she said, just as they entered. “It was just cruel words to hide his own pain. He lost his brother not too long ago, to the evil that I’m trying to stop.”

“I wasn’t going to stand by and let him antagonize you like that. Let’s just go.”

Merrill blinked at her and looked down at her hands. “Thank you,” she said quietly. They were silent as they moved through the dark cave. “I’m sorry. You’re not really seeing the Dalish at their best. We’re good people who look out for each other. Just not today, apparently. Even if my people don’t appreciate my efforts, I must see this through. In the end, this is for them.”

“Families are hard,” BJ said after a few moments thinking over a response. “Every family has their good days and their bad days. My family has even had a few bad weeks where half of us weren’t even speaking to the other half, and that was just because someone ate the last piece of cake and no one would own up to it. I don’t know what it is that you’re into that they have such a problem with, but I do know that you never abandon family. That’s the kind of thing you can’t come back from.” Merrill didn’t respond, but her eyes were sad.

The spiders in the cave were easy to dispatch and only an hour into the cave they found the exit. BJ looked around the cemetery, frowning and scouting for dangers. There was a long altar near the center and Merrill started moving towards it while BJ checked out the area. The elf was stopped by a glowing field that surrounded the altar and waited beside it for BJ to come over.

“Asha’Bellanar isn’t know for her patience,” Merrill called to her when she wandered off too far, following a suspicious sound.

“The old hag can suck it up,” she called back. “I’m checking that we’re not about to be ambushed.”

“Who would ambush us up here?”

“Angry clan members of yours, a cult who hates Flemeth… Templars, those bastards seem to pop up everywhere. Just give me a second.” When she seemed satisfied, she turned around and headed back to where Merrill was standing and looked at the field critically. “Alright. Now what do we do about this thing?” She’d never encountered a field like this before. Usually they could be disrupted by an equal and opposite energy (fire against an ice field, for example) but this was like nothing she’d ever come across.

“I can open it. One moment.” She stepped up to the field and dragged a dagger from her belt across her palm, throwing her own blood at the shield that disappeared in a flurry of sparks. Jester growled at her feet and crouched down into a fighting stance and BJ quickly talked him down.

“Down boy,” she hissed. She stepped up to Merrill and grabbed her bleeding hand, looking seriously into her wide eyes. “Do you have any idea what you’re dealing with?”

“Yes, it was blood magic, but I know what I’m doing. The spirit helped us, didn’t it?”

“Demons are not your friends, they are not your allies. Whatever it promised you, whatever it said, it’s not true. It will betray you.”

“I know how to defend myself.”

“If you knew what you were doing, you wouldn’t have made a deal with a demon in the first place.” 

She winced and looked over at her wrist, tight in BJ’s fist. “Your grip is a bit tight,” she mumbled.

BJ yanked her hand away and stalked forward, towards the altar. “This is stupid, and the worst part is that you know it’s stupid and you’re doing it anyway.” She sighed and pressed her cool hand to her heated forehead. This girl wasn’t her sister, despite how similar they were, she shouldn’t tell her what to do. “Let’s just get this over with.” She laid the locket on the altar and stepped back when Merrill stepped forward.

Merrill cleared her throat and closed her eyes. “ _ Hahren na melana sahlin _ ,” she said. The words sounded beautiful and seemed to dance off of Merrill’s tongue. “ _ Emma ir abelas souver’inan isala hamin vhenan him dor’felas. In uthenera na revas _ .”

The two mages and the altar were encircled by flame and then a dark figure grew on the stone slab until it was the size of a human woman. The fire cleared and BJ could see now that it was Flemeth who had appeared. She gasped and instinctively stepped in front of Merrill. 

Flemeth chuckled. “Ah,” she said, stretching like a cat. “And here we are.”

Merrill stepped back from BJ, still behind her but with enough room to bow at the waist. “ _ Anderan atish’an, Asha’bellanar. _ ”

“One of the People, I see, so young and bright. Do you know who I am, beyond that title?”

Merrill stayed bowed and her words were a little panicked. “I know only a little.”

BJ stepped farther in front of her and Flemeth raised a white eyebrow as a smirk stretched across her face. “Interesting. You never fail to surprise me, my dear Bernadette.” She addressed Merrill next, unable to see her still. “Stand, young one. The People bend their knee too quickly.” She looked back at BJ when the elf stood up straight and ignored the glare pointed at her. “So refreshing to see someone who keeps their end of a bargain. I half-expected my amulet to end up in a merchant’s pocket.” 

BJ sneered. “No one would buy it. Too dingy. I had no idea I was transporting you across the Black Sea.”

“Just a piece. A small piece, but it was all I needed. A bit of security, should the inevitable occur. And if I know my Morrigan, it already has.”

“Is that someone I should know?”

The witch tossed her head back and let out a cackle that shook the trees. “Oh, my dear, you will know her. You will know her well. Your fates are intertwined by blood and war.”

“I don’t appreciate being tricked.”

“Destiny awaits us both, my dear girl. We have much to do.” She turned towards the cliff edge and took a step, before pausing and turning back. “Before I go, a word of advice? We stand on the precipice of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment… and when it comes do not hesitate to leap. It is only when you fall that you can learn to fly.” She walked up to BJ and gently grabbed her chin, turning her face this way and that to BJ’s obvious distaste. “You look so much like you father. But the fire in your eyes and the steel in your bones… that’s from your mother.”

BJ glared and yanked her chin from the witch’s clutches. That didn’t sound like her mother at all. Leandra was a pacifist. “What do you know of my mother?”

She laughed again and turned back to the cliff, walking forward with a swing in her hips. “A question for another day, I think.”

“If I ever see you again, witch, it will be too soon.”

“We will see each other again. Our fates are linked more than you know.” She stood at the razor edge of the cliff with the very tips of her shoes hanging over. “Now the time has come for me to leave. You have my thanks. And my sympathies.” She fell gracefully from the edge and disappeared from sight for a moment before a dragon soared up over the cliff and disappeared in the clouds.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally on our way to the Deep Roads.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

BJ arrived home with Merrill following behind her. She stopped outside her door and took a deep breath, like she was steeling herself. Jester ran forward and slid through the doggy door, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

“Is something the matter?” Merrill asked.

“No, no… I just don’t want to deal with my mother when she sees that I’ve brought home another stray.”

“Oh, is that me? I can go to the alienage. I’m sure I can find somewhere dry to sleep.”

If it were anyone else BJ would think that she was trying to be manipulative and trying to guilt her, but her face was so earnest and kind that BJ knew she was serious. “No, no, you’re welcome to stay for as long as you need, but we are getting a little crowded. We’ve got my family of five plus a pirate captain.”

“Oooh, how interesting. A pirate captain. I bet he has many interesting stories.”

“Oh, honey,” said a sultry voice that BJ recognized instantly. She rolled her eyes and turned around to see both her brothers and Isabela coming up the road towards them. “The stories I could tell.”

Mal gave her a stern look. It was an odd expression on his face but he seemed determined to try. “You went to the mountains and adopted an elf?”

Merrill looked shocked. “Adopted, no, I’m a full grown adult. I know that I look quite young by human standards, but I assure you that I am too old to be adopted.” She looked between Mal and BJ before she hummed thoughtfully. “Sarcasm. Right.”

“So, what took you so long?” Mal asked, his faux-stern expression melting into a concerned one.

“I had to perform some kind of ritual, no big deal. How did your solo mission go?”

“The mage had already been made tranquil when we arrived. We were too late.”

BJ frowned. “Poor guy. What happened to him?”

“Anders put him down.”

BJ hummed and nodded. “It’s a shame, but it’s preferable to the alternative. What were you all up to today?”

Mal blinked and looked at Carver for help, but the younger Hawke boy was staring at their new elf friend as she chatted with Isabela. “Well, see, we were in the bar talking to Varric about some last minute things…”

“Why are you acting like I’m going to hit you?”

“Because… I may have let Carver drink half my pint of ale.”

BJ glared at him and crossed her arms over her chest. “He’s not old enough for half a year. Why would you do that?”

“He just wanted to taste it!”

“He played you, Mal. He’s had ale before, he just wanted yours.”

Mal pouted. “He wouldn’t do that.”

“Yes, he would.”

“But he said after that he didn’t like it.”

“If he hadn’t liked it, he wouldn’t have finished your pint.” She leaned over to look around him. “Carver! You know better!” She called before turning and stepping inside the house. 

 

BJ made sure that everyone slept well that night. Merrill took to the shared sleeping situation quickly, which shouldn’t have been surprising. BJ knew that the Dalish often slept in close quarters. But still, with Isabela spooning her from behind and Bethany’s head on her stomach, BJ had expected the elf to be a little uncomfortable. She was adamant that Carver sleep on the opposite side of the bed as Merrill (his crush on her was obvious and she didn’t think he’d do anything untowards but she felt better keeping them separate) and she and Mal both slept in the middle with BJ’s back pressed against Isabela’s back and Mal star-fishing as best he could, each arm under one of his sibling’s heads, his left leg over Carver’s and his right on BJ’s hip. They left space between Carver and the wall for their mother to sleep in but she had recently taken to sleeping in her chair by the wood stove. ‘The warmth helps with my joints,’ she’d say when BJ offered to trade her.

In the morning, once everyone was dressed and full of breakfast, she led them all to the Merchant’s guild. Varric and his brother were waiting for them. And so was, BJ was surprised to see, the blond mage from Darktown. She turned and glared at her brother who gave Anders a goofy grin when he saw him and waved. He jogged ahead of the group and stopped in front of him. “I’m glad you decided to come,” Mal said. 

Anders looked uncomfortable. “I still don’t want to go,” he said. “But I thought about it and decided to accept your offer.”

“What offer?” BJ asked, stepping up beside her brother. She could hear Varric behind her, going over the new maps with his brother. Isabela was flirting with a young shopkeeper to distract him from the jewelry she was slipping into her pocket and Merrill and Carver were chatting amiably over in the corner. Bethany was still trying to convince their mother to let her go to the Deep Roads but Leandra was not having it.

Mal bit his lip and looked between his older sister and Anders. “Uh, Anders,” he said, quickly changing the subject. “This is my sister, BJ. You two met briefly at your clinic but… this is her.”

“Pleasure,” Anders said. He could probably tell that BJ didn’t trust him because he was tense and watching her closely. 

“Mal, what offer?”

“Well, I offered to let Anders come with us. He needs the money for his clinic. The clinic where he helps poor children for free? Remember that?” He was grasping at straws at this point but silently rejoiced when he saw the stubbornness ebb out of his sister’s eyes. She had a weak spot for children. He was going to pay for that later. “Plus, your friends are coming.”

She tensed back up and he cursed under his breath. “Oh, so you’re friends now? What do you know about this man, Mal. He could be dangerous.”

“He’s dangerous? What about your blood mage friend? That’s right, I’m not stupid, I saw the scars healing on her palm. Plus, Isabela is a literal criminal!”

BJ looked ready to argue this further but Varric cleared his throat as he stepped up behind her. “Pick your battles, Mama-Hawke. You’re losing this one.”

BJ glared at him, annoyed by the nickname. She grunted and uncrossed her arms. “Fine,” she said. “He can come, but he’s your responsibility.” She turned on her heel and walked over to speak to Bartrand. 

Anders blinked. “She’s… spirited.”

Mal barked a laugh. “It’s ironic for you of all people to say that.” Anders seemed to get the joke and smiled. Mal sighed but knew he had to stick up for his sister. “She’s just protective. Well, she’s also distrusting. And cynical. She’s also stubborn and self-righteous, and she refuses to admit when she’s wrong. But, she’s also the reason me and our family are alive right now, so I can’t really fault her. She does what she thinks is best.”

“Are you praising her or insulting her?”

Mal chuckled. “Both, I guess.”

“Are you ready to go?” He heard Bartrand call from his table. BJ waved him over.

“Yes,” she said. “It’ll be me, Mal, Carver, Merrill, Isabela and… blondie.”

“Anders,” Anders said, stepping up behind Mal.

“Right, Anders.”

Leandra walked up and hugged her two oldest children at once. “Be careful you two. Come back to me in one piece. And watch out for your brother.”

“That’s a given, Ma, who do you think you’re talking to?”

She smiled and pat her son’s cheek affectionately. “You’re a good boy, Mal. Be careful.”

They didn’t mill about for much longer before setting out and just before nightfall the expedition descended into the Deep Roads.


	16. Chapter 16

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“You go talk to him,” Varric mumbled, elbowing Mal in the thigh.

“What? No, he’s your brother. you go talk to him.”

“He’s angry, I’m not going to deal with that.”

“You think I want to deal with that? I have to deal with my sister, you have to deal with your brother.”

“That doesn’t follow.”

“Oh, it doesn’t? It doesn’t follow? Does it not follow, Varric?”

“Leave the sarcasm to me, Buster.”

“Buster? Is that my nickname? You spend two years thinking of one and you go with Buster?”

“It’s a work in progress. You don’t like it?”

“Not really, what else you got?”

BJ stepped around them and they stopped speaking, instead watching as she approached Bartrand where he was steaming over by the cave-in. They had been in the Deep Roads for two weeks at this point. The maps that Anders had given them had been fantastic and this was the first serious blockage they’d encountered.

“Is she really going to talk to him?” Varric asked. “I know she’s formidable, but when my brother gets like this he’s….” He whistled. 

Mal looked offended. “And you were trying to sic him on me?”

“You’re a tough guy, you’d be okay after a while.”

BJ blocked out their voices and stepped up beside Bartrand, watching as the crews worked on the cave in. “What’s the hold up?”

“This blasted cave in! It’s too deep to dig through, we’ll have to go around. Problem is, these tunnels branch off a million different ways and some of them aren’t even on the map and some of the ones on the map aren’t there. It’s gonna have to be trial and error.”

“An error could kill someone.”

“Exactly why I can’t get any volunteers. Pay these bastards out the nose and they won’t even go exploring.” 

“We’ll go.” She turned around and waved her brother over. Mal blinked, suspicious, but obeyed and jogged over. “Mal, we’re splitting up and going exploring. We need to find a way around this cave in.”

“Oh, sure,” he sighed in relief. “That all? I can do that. There’s six of us, three each?”

“Yeah, I’ll take Isabela and…” She paused and seemed to realize something. “... and Anders.”

His eyes widened. “I, uh, I was going to take Anders.”

“I need a healer.”

“What about Merrill?”

“Isabela will tease her isscently.”

“Then you take Merrill and Carver and I’ll take Anders and Isabela.”

BJ sighed and moved her brother off to the side. “I want to get to know him, Mal.”

“You mean antagonize him.”

“No, no. I want to get to know him because I know that you like him.”

“Wh-Wh-Why would you, why would you think that I liked him?”

She gave him an unimpressed look but didn’t justify the question with an answer. “Mal, I’m going to take him with me. I want to get to know him,” she said again, calmly.

Mal frowned. “Fine. But if you scare him off…”

“I’m not going to do that.”

He wasn’t sure about that but nodded. She had scared off a few of his boyfriends before, back when they were teenagers in Lothering. To be fair, the first guy was way too old for him and kind of an ass, the second guy was a Templar who tried to turn them in, and the third guy was just really annoying. Those weren’t great examples, he was grateful to her for doing that, he needed an example of her messing something up for him just because she could… but he couldn’t think of one. “Fine,” he said. He looked back at Anders, who was going through his rucksack and sorting his potions. “Fine, you can have him. Just don’t… mess this up.”

“I would never do that to you.” She was hurt by the implication but called to her friends to gather up. “Alright, we’re splitting up into two groups. Isabela and Anders with me. We need to find a path through to the other side of the cave in.”

“I’ll go with you,” Varric said, stepping up beside her and pulling his crossbow off his back. It opened with a snap and he grinned victoriously.

BJ raised an eyebrow. Mal had told her that he was pretty good with that crossbow (Bianca, he insisted on calling it for some reason) but she had never seen him in action. This could be interesting. “Alright.  We’ll meet back here in five hours, whether we’ve found a path or not. We’ll get some sleep and move again in the morning. Let’s head out.” 

“If you’ll give me a moment Hawkes,” said a kind voice from behind them. BJ and Mal both spun around to find a fidgeting dwarf with a concerned expression on his face. “My boy, Sandal, he’s gone missing. I don’t know where he might have gone, but if you wouldn’t mind keeping an eye out for him.”

Mal smiled kindly and nodded. “Of course. I don’t believe we’ve met properly, I’m Mal. This is my sister BJ.” BJ uncrossed her arms but didn’t speak. 

“My name is Bodahn. It’s very kind of you to look for me, I really appreciate it.”

“We’ll send him back if we come across him. Let’s head out,” BJ said. She lead her group into the tunnel on the right, squeezing through the narrow remains of the collapsed doorway.

Mal took his group into the tunnel on the left and lifted up a fallen wall that was blocking the path, holding it up with his back as the other two passed by under him. He looked back once after letting it down and found his sister staring at him with a significant look. He gave her a small smile and waved before continuing forward.

The group was quiet for the first half hour, before Carver finally spoke. “So, uh Merrill.”

She smiled at him brightly. “Carver Hawke?”

He laughed a little nervously but tried to keep a kind smile on his face. “You’re not really like other girls.”

“No, I’m an elf,” she said, completely seriously. Mal had to hold in a snort. Carver was going to have a hard time flirting with this one.

“Right,” he said, his face pinched and red. “Alright then.”

“Oh, did I miss something dirty?”

This time Mal did laugh out loud but Carver sputtered for a moment before finding his tongue. “What? No! It wasn’t dirty! It wasn’t anything.”

“Oh? Right, because I miss a lot of dirty things and sometimes I wouldn’t mind hearing them.”

“Would you now?” He asked, trying to sound smooth. She smiled politely and nodded and Carver grinned back. “I have some dirty jokes, if you want to hear them.”

“Oh, yes please.”

Carver opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a loud screech from further in the tunnel. The trio froze and listened closely, the boys reaching slowly for their swords. “What was that?” the younger Hawke asked quietly. Mal started forward, one foot in front of the other.

“It did not sound pleasant,” Merrill said next. Her hands glowed a dim green, ready to fling a spell if needed. They moved through the tunnel slowly and carefully and after a few minutes they felt a breeze coming down the shaft. It started out subtle and as it got stronger there was the unmistakable smell of carnage and rot. Merrill winced at the stench. “Oh dear. That’s a tad foul.”

The cave opened into a large chamber. There was a small jump from the tunnel to the floor and Mal jumped first, followed by Carver, and they both helped Merrill down. The ground was covered in bones and ancient armor and weapons as the trio made their way across. The debris was so thick that they couldn’t see the tiles of the floor.

“Does anyone else think we should have just turned around?” Mal asked, his voice low.

“Oh, yes,” Merrill said seriously. “I thought about saying so but you jumped and I decided to follow your lead.”

“Well, that is usually a bad idea, for future reference.”

“I will keep that in mind.”

Carver grunted, tripping over a rusted shield. The sound of the clash echoed around the room. The trio froze when the echo was answered by another screech. “Oh, sh-”

Three shrieks appeared out of the ether right in front of them and one leapt forward. Mal let it crash into his shield and threw it to the side. He started forward, as if to slash at the shriek, when the bone beneath his foot moved. On its own. He moved his foot and the bone shot over a few feet until it met with a femur, then the femur connected to another bone, and so on and so on until there was an animated skeleton standing next to him with a shield secured on its arm bone and a sword tight in its bare phalanges. It slashed at Mal and he dodged, pulling up his shield to block a second blow. He looked back over his shoulder and saw the shriek coming up behind him. He crouched down and rolled out of the way and let the darkspawn crash into the skele-warrior. The bones exploded apart and Carver had to bring up his sword to keep the jaw from hitting his face.

Merrill swept her hands gracefully in front of her. Vines pushed through the tiles and folded over each other like a basket weave, keeping the bones flat on the floor. Some of the bones struggled against the vines, trying to form more warriors. “Run!” she called. The trio took off across the chamber with the shades right behind them. A bony hand reached out from a gap in vines and wrapped around Merrill’s ankle, tripping her and sending her hard on the floor. Carver skidded to a stop beside her and brought the pommel of his sword down hard on the bare wrist to free her and swiftly lifted her into his arms. He ran after his brother and Mal climbed up into a tunnel on the other side of the chamber and reached down to pull Merrill up. Carver climbed in as well, only needing his brother’s hand at the end to get on his feet.

“The shrieks will follow us,” Mal said. He could still hear them screeching and they were getting closer. “But they will be easy enough to handle without those skeletons. Nice work with the vines.”

Merrill glowed from the praise and the three jogged farther into the cave to put some more distance between them and the skeletons. Inevitably, the shrieks caught up to them a few seconds later, one appearing right in front of Carver. The young man swiped at it, but his sword got caught in the narrow walls of the tunnel and the creature tossed him to the ground. Mal stepped in front of him with his sword raised and was able to attack with his much shorter sword.

The shriek swiped at him and its claws dug into the bronze and leather of his shield, but didn’t reach his arm. He dispatched the first shriek with a swing of his sword just as the other two made their appearance. Carver got up onto his knees and rolled out of the way of a swipe, only for the second shriek to swipe at him as well. He flinched, his eyes screwed shut but the pain never came. He opened one eye, then the other to find a green field around him. The shrieks both clawed at the field but couldn’t get through.

“Now!” Mal called. The forcefield fell and Mal stepped forward, stabbing the shriek on the left through the middle (where the heart would be if they had any such organ) and used his momentum to slice at the final shriek, taking its head off. The bodies faded into smoke before they hit the ground and the trio took a long moment to catch their breath.

Merrill stood over Carver where he was kneeling on the ground and frowned, her eyes full of concern. “Are you okay?”

He cleared his throat and got to his feet, brushing dust off his clothes. “Fine,” he said. His voice squeaked a bit and he coughed, deepening his voice. “I’m fine. It’ll take more than a few shrieks to get to me.”

She smiled genuinely. “Oh, that’s wonderful. I was worried you’d been injured.” She turned and headed forward into the tunnel. Mal stepped up behind his brother and slapped him on the back right where he knew there was a bruise forming.

Carver bit his lip to keep from crying out and elbowed his brother in the sternum. “Fuck you,” he hissed through clenched teeth.

Mal just laughed and slipped his arm around his brother’s shoulders, leading him forward. “I think she’s impressed by you, little brother. There’s no need to try so hard. Plus, some girls like a little vulnerability.”

“What would you know about impressing girls?”

“It’s not that different from impressing men. Well, at least according to BJ. She’s the only one with experience with both.”

Carver gagged. “I don’t want to hear about her  _ experience _ .”

Mal rolled his eyes so hard that his head rolled around on his shoulders. “Not like that, I meant with flirting. You’re such a twerp.” He ruffled Carver’s hair and Carver laughed and tried to push him off. He freed himself from his brother’s hold and jogged to catch up with Merrill. Mal sighed and shook his head, unable to keep the smile off his face.

The tunnel they were in continued on for another hour before opening up into a wide cavern. There was a small underground lake ahead and another tunnel that veered off to the right. But as they turned the corner Mal froze in surprise and Merrill squeaked. 

An ogre but… it wasn’t moving. It seemed almost frozen in crystal.

“Um…” Mal mumbled. “...What?” There was a shuffling footstep behind them and Mal spun around, poised to attack, but paused when he saw a squat, beardless dwarf standing by the lake. “Sandal?” He asked. He glanced between the ogre and the boy. “Did you… Did you do this?”

“Enchantment!” the boy said in excitement.

“Well done,” Merrill said, clapping. “You’re very talented.”

“Enchantment!” Sandal reached out, handed her a rock with a sigil carved on it and blushed.

“Alright, alright,” Carver said, gently pushing on his back. “Your father is looking for you, head on back now.”

Sandal glared at the youngest Hawke brother. “Enchantment,” he mumbled angrily but headed down the tunnel back towards the camp.

“How did he get through the skeletons?” Mal asked, mostly to himself before they continued forward.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to start posting more than one chapter a week for a few weeks. I've gotten to chapter 35 and I just want to post more often.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

BJ walked in the back of the group. They had been walking for almost two hours, before long it would be time to turn around and try again in the morning. She was keeping her eyes on the blonde mage, but not trying to make it look like she was staring at him. Varric was blatantly staring at him, not even trying to be subtle. Anders looked at him and then looked away, then looked back when Varric was still staring a few seconds later.

“What?” he hissed.

“Just wondering if the feathered pauldrons are an essential part of the moody rebel mage persona.”

The mage’s shoulders sagged. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m working on an epic poem about a hopelessly romantic apostate waging an epic struggle against forces he can’t possibly defeat.”

“What do you mean ‘can’t possibly defeat’, dwarf?”

“Well, it’s not a good story unless the hero dies in the end.”

Isabela whistled and elbowed BJ. “Bad news for you, Mama-Hawke.”

She gave the pirate an even expression. “I’m going to live forever.” She said it so seriously that Isabela didn’t realize at first that it was meant to be a joke. 

She cracked up and leaned against BJ to hold herself up. When her laughter petered off to a light giggle, she called out loud enough for Varric to hear. “You should make Anders a girl in your story. A female protagonist is more compelling.”

Varric hummed, interested. “That’s a very good point, thank you, Rivaini. I’ll consider it.”

“Don’t make me a girl,” Anders complained.

“What’s wrong with being a girl?” Isabela demanded, crossing her arms. BJ rolled her eyes and moved up to the front of the group to distance herself from the oncoming argument. Isabela winked at her and blew a kiss. She was doing it on purpose, the bitch.

“Nothing, of course, I just meant…” he groaned in frustration. “I’m not a girl, if the story is based on me, the protagonist should not be a girl.”

“You’d be lucky to be a girl. BJ is a girl, do you think she’s a bad protagonist?”

“I didn’t say that girls are bad protagonists!” Varric laughed out loud and Anders suddenly seemed to realize he was being taken for a ride. Even Isabela couldn’t hold in a smirk. Anders rolled his eyes and started moving faster. “Very funny. Really.”

Varric turned to Isabela and grinned. “So, what do you think? Andera? Andella? Anadette?”

BJ blocked them out and turned to the look at Anders when he stepped up beside her. He frowned at her and slipped his hands into his pockets. “You’re not going to make fun of me, are you?”

“No. We need to be prepared to fight.”

Anders nodded. “Good.”

They stepped out the tunnel and into a larger corridor. Varric hummed and looked around. “This probably used to be a main thoroughfare, like the one we started in. Actually… I think this might be the same one, it has the same family histories carved into the wall. I think this is exactly what we were looking for.”

“First try. We don’t usually get that lucky,” Isabela said. The ground shook beneath their feet briefly and when they had regained their footing they looked at each other in concern. “What was that? A quake?”

“An impact tremor.” BJ called a spell into her hands and looked around quickly. “Ogre, maybe? I don’t hear other darkspawn, ogres aren’t usually alone. Dragon? Unless its an archdemon, it wouldn’t be in the Deep Roads. What else could it be?”

There were more tremors until they were paced like footsteps and they were getting closer. The creature turned the corner and roared.

“Oh, shit!” Varric exclaimed.

“What is it? Varric, what is that!?”

“It’s a rock golem. A big, big one.” 

“Do they have a weakness?” The golem stampeded through them, knocking everyone off to the side of the road. “Varric!” BJ ran over and helped him back to his feet. “How do we beat this thing?”

“I don’t know, golems haven’t existed for centuries! Even my grandmother thought they were stories her grandmother made up to scare them!” He aimed his crossbow and shot that the golem. The crossbow reloaded automatically and BJ stared at it for moment. She’d never seen something like that.

The creature threw a large piece of fallen ceiling debris at her and she was forced to leap out of the way. Isabela was attacking the golem’s rock leg with her daggers but the creature barely seemed to notice her. Anders was throwing hexes that slowed it down, which BJ was thankful for because it gave her the opportunity to come up with a strategy. She looked closely at the golem, looking for anything that could be a weakness, and did a double take when she saw a small blue crystal lodged in its forehead. It couldn’t be that easy, right?

She ran towards the creature just as it started to speed back up and waved her hands towards the ground in front of her, forming stairs out of rock and climbing swiftly until she could leap on its giant shoulders. There was maybe three feet between the top of its head and the ceiling. She hoped it wasn’t smart enough to jump up and crush her against the ceiling.

It threw out an arm and knocked over her stairs. She reached for the crystal and it came out easily, but the creature did not stop moving. She cursed and tossed the crystal away. It really couldn’t be that easy.

She clutched onto the golem’s head when it took off running again and was nearly thrown off when it spun around and instantly started running back, trying to run Isabella over.

“Anders!” She called. “Slow it down again! I have an idea!”

Anders waved his blue glowing hands and the golem started to move like it was walking through gelatin. She slipped her fingers through the crack between two of its rocks and made ice grow until the arm fell off and crashed on the ground, rolling in pieces.

The golem sped up again and roared, trying to toss her off, but she crawled over its shoulders until she could get her fingers between the rocks that were its neck and rock that was its head. It rolled back and crushed two of her fingers between them and she screamed but cast her spell. Ice grew in the cracks and his head finally popped off and tumbled to the ground, cracking in half when it hit the tiles.

The golem’s remaining arm fell to rubble first and then its torso and legs and BJ came crashing down. She wasn’t quick enough to get a shield around herself.

“Hawke!” Isabela cried out, running towards the pile of rocks and digging through them to find her friend.

Varric climbed up on top of the rocks and started picking up and throwing the rocks off to the side. “I see her!” he called, digging through the rocks and grabbing her robe. He tugged on her but the rocks still on top of her were too heavy.

Anders walked over and started pushing rocks off her until Varric could pull her through. Her eyes were closed but she was breathing. “Step back,” he said, holding his hands above her body until they glowed blue. He moved them slowly above her, up and down her body. It took several minutes but she finally opened her eyes. She tried to sit up but he hurriedly pushed her back down. She winced and let him. “Calm down,” he said, beginning his healing spell again. “It’ll take you weeks to heal from this on your own. Your leg is broken in two places and you have a concussion. Not to mention you have several fingers that are broken in many, many places.”

“How long,” she croaked. There was rock dust in her throat and it hurt to speak. “How long until I can move? We need to get back and let the others know about the path.”

“Not long. Your head and leg I can do now. We can set and wrap your fingers really quick and heal them when we get back to camp. Merrill can help.”

Varric sighed in relief and plopped down on the rocks beside her. “ _ Never _ do that again.”

“Sorry.”

Isabela leaned against the rocks next to her. “How come it’s never that easy? We couldn’t have found this path completely unguarded.”

“That wouldn’t be any fun,” BJ mumbled.

Varric laughed and shook his head before hopping off the rocks. “You’re really something else, Hawke.”

BJ was determined not to slow them down on the walk back, so she moved at a normal pace despite Anders warnings. “Slow it down,” he hissed, jogging to catch up when her pace got away from him. “Your leg is freshly healed, it need some time to set.”

“I told Mal five hours, we need to get back before they come looking for us.”

“We’re making good time, you can slow down a little.”

She ignored him and kept moving at her own pace. He just sighed and fell back to walk with Isabela and Varric. He gave Varric a significant look and the dwarf nodded before running up to catch her. He took her hand in his own and she stopped instantly, looking between their intertwined hands and his face, before settling on the hand.

“Please,” Varric said. “Just slow down a little. My legs can’t keep up.” He liked to think that he was above using her feelings for him like this and it did make him feel bad, but at this point it was for her own good.

She stared for a long moment before nodding and taking her hand back, clenching her fists and shoving them into her pockets. She started moving again at a more acceptable pace. They made it to camp a short while later to find her brothers and Merrill already back and eating. Mal looked up at them and sat his plate down.

“Hey!” he called, jogging over. He wrapped his older sister in a tight hug and lifted her, spinning around once despite her protests and then sitting her back down. “What took you so long?”

BJ pushed passed him with her good hand. “We found a path through,” she said. Varric and Anders looked concerned as they ran after her.

Mal noticed their concern and frowned. “Are you hurt?” he asked, running over and taking her arm. He sat her down next to the fire and then kneeled next to her, taking her wrapped fingers in his hand. “What happened?”

“Crushed by sentient falling rocks, if you’d believe it.”

Anders gently pressed Mal’s shoulder until he scooted over and then kneeled next to her, taking her hand in his own. “Alright, I’m going to get started. Since there are so many microcracks the sensation is going to feel a little… weird. Like a tickle or an itch but more intense. Try not to twitch, it’ll distract me. Merrill, if you wouldn’t mind.”

She nodded and got up from where she was sitting next to Carver. “I know a bit of healing, but I’m not an expert.”

“That’s perfectly alright, I’ll take care of the delicate microcracks if you can heal the larger ones.” Anders hands glowed a light blue and Merrill’s glowed green and they held her hand in between theirs. She grunted at the odd sensation but resisted the urge to twitch or scratch.

The two healers were crowded around her for about half an hour before Anders decided that they were finished. He nodded and let go of her hand. “Flex it gently. Yes, like that. There were some fractures that were too small even for me to heal so there will be some pain for a while while they heal on their own. Try not to overextend for the next few days and don’t put too much weight on your hand for about a week.”

When Anders got up and moved away, Mal instantly took his place and took her hand in his, turning it over to check it. “So tell me, what happened exactly? Varric tried to explain but every story from him turns into an epic poem, I’m not sure it wasn’t extremely exaggerated.”

She chuckled and leaned into his shoulder. “What did he say?”

“Well, he used a lot more adjectives, but the basis was a rock golem the size of an ogre that you defeated with ice.”

“Surprisingly accurate. He didn’t throw in any mysterious strangers or acts of god or death bed love confessions?”

“Of course, it’s Varric, but I’ve heard enough of his stories to ignore those parts. Also, he made Anders into a woman named Anadette and you died at the end.”

She hummed and took a plate that was handed her by one of Bartrand’s servants. “Usually he saves my death for more dramatic fights. That golem wasn’t even that tough, it was just really heavy. I’m insulted he thinks it would kill me.”

“No, you defeated the golem and survived the ensuing rock avalanche only to be ambushed by Templars and a dragon. You defeated the templars single handedly and were killed by dragon venom after stabbing it through the mouth. The dragon died instantly but you died slowly and painfully and a beautiful, unnamed qunari man appeared out of nowhere to confess his undying love for you.”

“Oh, now I feel better.” She started eating her food, slapping her brother’s hand when he tried to grab some of her potato cubes. 

“So,” Mal started after a few minutes, trying and failing to sound casual. “You took Anders with you to get to know him. What did you think?”

“Well, he’s probably the best healer I’ve ever met, don’t tell Bethany.”

“I meant as a person. I want to ask him out on a date.”

“I thought that’s why you asked him to come on the expedition?”

“Only you would consider a deadly mission into the Deep Roads a quality date. No, I meant dinner and a play in town or something nice like that.”

Her nose scrunched in disgust and she took a drink from her waterskin. “How boring.”

“I didn’t ask your opinion on my taste in dates. What did you think of Anders?”

She thought hard for a moment, trying to word it correctly. “He was nice,” she said finally. “A bit sensitive, he couldn’t handle more than a couple minutes of Isabela’s teasing, but he was nice about it. He was… ordinary. That came out wrong, I meant it as a complement. He wasn’t an ass like your last couple boyfriends. But I  _ will  _ hit him if he tries to sneak another copy of his manifesto into my rucksack.”

Mal grinned. “Well, I’m glad you approve.”

“Really?” She asked, raising an eyebrow. “You didn’t care about my opinion of Jack the serial cheater, or Konner the Templar initiate, or Matthew the snort-laugher, or-”

“I get it, I get it. To be fair, I probably would have asked him out even if you didn’t like him but then you’d leave whenever he was around like you did with the others. When I was with Matt I barely got to see you at all.”

“Matt snorted with he laughed, he sounded like a donkey. It was infuriating. After the second time I met him I had three plans for murdering him. Only one of them didn’t end with me in jail for the rest of my life but the other two were more fun. I had to avoid him or else I would have gone through with it.”

Mal rolled his eyes and they were quiet for a few minutes while BJ ate. “So,” he started when she’d finished. “What  _ do _ you consider a good date?” 

She gave him an even look and waved her hand around to indicate the chamber they were in. “I already said, the Deep Roads. Perfect date idea, right here. Next date I have, I’m bringing them down here to kill golems with me.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd really appreciate it if I could get some reviews on the next few chapters. I'm having reservations about the direction the story is going and hearing some outside opinions would be helpful. Thank you.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Three days later and several hundred feet deeper underground, they found an old thiag. BJ didn’t know what thiags were meant to look like, but judging by the amazed and slightly concerned look on Bartrand’s face, this was not it.

“These carvings,” he muttered, stroking his beard between his thumb and pointer finger. “And these vines…”

“They’re made of lyrium. But it’s red,” BJ said, stepping up to one column. She could feel the lyrium calling to the magic in her blood but it wasn’t like usual blue lyrium. There was something… sinister about it. She turned instantly to her brothers. “Don’t touch it.”

“This is impossible,” Bartrand said, stepping up next to her. “Besides the red, lyrium doesn’t grow  _ up _ like this, it only forms inside of stone like a crystal. This is growing independently of the stone, like a vine or a-”

“Root system,” BJ said. “I heard of forests in Rivain that are made up of a single tree and root system, this reminds me of those.”

Varric turned to Isabela and raised an eyebrow. “Is that true, Rivaini?”

“Oh, sure. There was one outside the village I was born in. His name was Clyde.” She grinned and Varric sighed.

“I can’t tell if you’re being serious or not.”

She rolled her eyes and dropped her rucksack off her shoulder to fish out a snack. “I’m not a tree-expert, Varric. I was born in Ravain but I was raised on a ship. There could be trees that grow cats on Ravain and I’d have no idea.”

“What about a tree that grew money?”

“I would make it my business to know about a tree like that.”

Mal hummed as he looked around the thaig before turning to his sister. “Seems like the kind of place someone would hide some treasure, don’t you think?”

She smirked and turned to Bartrand. “Set up camp. We’re going exploring.”

His face was turning red in anger as she walked away. “You keep forgetting that I’m in charge here, Hawke!”

She ignored him. He could believe that if he wanted to. She walked up to her friends as they sat their things down and started milling about. “Don’t get comfortable. We’re leaving in ten to check this place out. And don’t touch the lyrium. I would hope I wouldn’t need to warn you, but just to be sure…” She gave Carver a significant look and he seemed offended.

“What are you looking at me for?!”

Mal chuckled and pat his shoulder. “Let’s go find some food before we head out,” he said, gently leading his younger brother away.

“You shouldn’t be so hard on Junior,” Varric said, smiling. “Little brothers can develop a complex.”

“You didn’t.”

“Yeah, but my older brother is an ass who will never amount to anything real and when I was a kid I was still so jealous of him because it seemed like he was perfect.”

“Mal didn’t.”

“Mal is different. He’s not… ambitious. I don’t mean that to sound like a bad thing, it’s not. It takes a certain kind of strength to be satisfied with your life. Mal told me once that his greatest dream was a little homestead outside Redcliff with a caring husband, twelve children, and a dog named Rudy. Carver’s greatest dream is, frankly, to be you.”

“I’m not the one holding him back. I have done nothing but encourage him when he takes steps to better himself. I badgered the city guard into giving him a job when they resisted and now he’s one of their top rookies. He did that, not me. I could never be a city guard, I am incapable of it and he’s there thriving. I don’t understand where you’re coming from with this, Varric.”

Isabela seemed extremely interested in their conversation but didn’t speak. Anders was off to the side, pretended not to listen. Varric chuckled. “Think about it like this… I was always more clever and faster and a better speaker than my brother was, even when I idolized him, but those things seemed miniscule when I compared them to the things he was good at, even though his talents essentially boiled down to counting money and cheating. I can’t imagine being stuck in that pit until adulthood, worshiping a sibling as talented and unrelenting as you. Yes, he is better than you at many things but when he compares the two of you he doesn’t see those things, he can’t.” 

She stared at him for a long time, her face stoic but her shoulders tense. “So what do I do?”

He sighed. “Honestly, nothing you do is probably going to help. You could lay off of him a little, stop mothering him, but in the end it comes down to him. If he wants to succeed in his own life, as he seems to, he has to take some initiative.”

She was quiet again, unwilling to give voice to the feelings in her mind while Isabela and Anders were listening. She lead Varric over to a secluded corner before she spoke again. “It’s hard. He’s my baby brother, I changed his diapers. He slept in my bed for an entire month when he was seven because Mother and Papa were fighting about money and he was worried Papa would take me and Bethany and leave. I’m not trying to be hard on him, I’m not, but every time I see him I see…”

“Someone who needs you?” He sighed when she nodded. “He’s not your baby brother anymore, Mama-Hawke. It’s going to be hard to accept but he doesn’t need you anymore. If he wants your help, you have to let him come to you.” She glared at him viciously and Varric blinked, surprised. He had never seen her look so downright hateful. Not at him at least. “Don’t be mad at me for telling the truth, Hawke.”

“I’m not glaring at you, I’m squinting my eyes to keep myself from crying. If you make me cry I will hit you.”

 

They spent several hours exploring the thiag, split up into two groups again. Mal was able to take Anders with him this time, much to both their relief, and Varric went with them as well. The girls and Carver tagged along with BJ. They found a few curiosities in various rooms but nothing life changing yet. When evening came around, BJ whistled at the second group to come to dinner and the sound reverberated around the chamber. They were laughing as they exited a room they’d been exploring but Mal paused when something caught his eye, a hallway off the main chamber.

“Have we been down here yet?” He asked Varric. The dwarf shook his head and Mal turned down the corridor. “How did we miss this one?”

BJ whistled again but Mal kept moving forward. The hall was long and seemed to go on forever. They had just reached the door when they heard BJ give one last whistle, this one harsh and irritated. Varric rolled his eyes with a smile. “Maybe we should head back and come here in the morning. Your keeper is going to be angry.”

Mal shook his head and pressed his hands to the door. “We’ll just take a quick peak. If there’s nothing in here we won’t be long. If we find something she can’t be mad, right?”

“I don’t think your sister is ever  _ not _ mad,” Anders muttered. BJ hadn’t been very forthcoming about her opinion of the blond mage and Anders refused to talk about her, so he wasn’t sure where they stood with each other.

He grunted as he put all his weight against the heavy door. It shifted a bit but didn’t open. Anders pressed his own weight against it and they struggled to push it.

It slid open quickly and the two stumbled forward but caught themselves before they fell. There were rocks stacked behind the door that fell over and rolled away when they door was open. Without the rocks it was actually kind of light and slid across the floor easily. There were stairs in the center of the room, leading up to a floating platform and a table. The three man walked up the stairs to the table and saw that there was an idol sitting there, covered in dust.

“It looks like the same red lyrium from the main chamber,” he said. He reached forward to pick it up but Anders grabbed his wrist.

“Don’t touch it. I can… feel it. Something is not right about it. We should leave it here.”

“Bartrand will want to see it at least,” Varric said. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a swatch of cloth. “I’ll use this.” He reached forward and picked it up with the cloth. He frowned. “Huh, that’s odd.”

“What is it?”

“As soon as I picked it up there was this… humming.”

“FInd anything?” Called a voice from near the door. 

Varric looked up and grinned at his brother. “Yeah, some kind of idol made of red lyrium.” Bartrand walked over and met his brother at the bottom of the stairs, taking it from him instantly and being careful to only hold what was covered in cloth.

“My, my, my. This is really something. I bet this will fetch a great price.”

“We should leave it where we found it,” Anders said, he turned to Mal with panicked eyes. “I have a really bad feeling about this lyrium. It’s… singing.”

Bartrand snorted derisively. “Singing. How stupid.”

Varric made his way back up to meet Anders at the top of the stairs. “We’ll be careful with it Anders. We should at least get it studied. We should learn what it is.” Where was a loud thump and the click of a lock and the three boys turned back to look at the door. “Bartrand!” Varric called, running towards the door. He banged on it with his fist. “Bartrand, the door closed!”

“Thanks for finding this for me, Brother. Enjoy your last few days in there.”

“He locked us in!”

Mal tried to push the door but it didn’t budge. He kicked the door. “Do you really think my sister is going to let you get away with this? If you were going to screw us over you should have locked her in here too! She will kill you, you son of a bitch!”

“Don’t worry, pretty boy!” Bartrand called. “I’ll take care of that sister of yours. Speaking of which, I think I hear her coming now.”

BJ marched down the hall with her friends and brother in tow. She turned to Merrill and frowned. “Are you sure you saw them come this way?”

Merrill nodded. “Positive.”

As they got farther into the hall BJ saw a dwarf in the distance. “Varric?” she called, jogging forward. The dwarf turned and she frowned. “Bartrand. Sorry, I thought you were… Have you seen my brother?” She suddenly heard screaming from the other side of the door and raised an eyebrow. “Is the door stuck?”

“He…. us in!... H- locked us…!”

She narrowed her eyes at Bartrand and he just smirked, waving around a red idol in his hands. “Your brother kindly found this for me. And I am not giving you Ferelden dog-lovers 50%.”

She watched him carefully, not taking her eyes off of him for a long second. Isabela grunted in frustration. “Just kill him already! What are you waiting for?”

“Hold on. We outnumber him, he’s trapped between us and the exit, he doesn’t even have a weapon. Only a moron would put himself in this situation without a plan, and he is not a moron.”

His smirk widened. “Smart girl. Are we just going to stand here then, or are you going to let me pass.”

BJ called lightning to her fingers and watched him cautiously. “I am not letting you pass.”

He reached over and brushed some dust from the wall, revealing some kind of lever that was even with the stone. “Well, let’s see what this does, then, shall we?” He pulled it down and BJ leapt forward just as the floor opened up under them. Isabela and Carver screamed as they fell but Merrill was too frightened to make a sound. 

BJ caught herself on the floor and scrambled for a hand hold while her feet dangled into the abyss. Her fingers caught in the grout between the tiles and she glared at the dwarf as he stood above her, just out of her reach. “I will kill you!” She screamed, steadily pushing herself up. Fire started licking up the exposed part of her arms and neck, filling the hall with the smell of burning hair. She hadn’t cast fire since she was a child but she could feel the familiar rage building under her skin. “I swear I will not die until you suffer for this!”

She could almost pull herself up on the ledge when he stepped forward and smacked her across the face with his red lyrium idol. She felt a shock course through her body, starting at her jaw and slithering down her bloodstream like electric eels. The lyrium burned against her flesh and she lost control of her limbs first, tumbling into the darkness just as her vision went black and she lost control of her mind as well. The fire on her arms turned to smoke in the darkness. She fell for what felt like an hour, convulsing in pain the entire way.

Merrill leaned over the pit of large metal spikes that resided at the bottom, staring up into the darkness for signs of a fourth body. “She’s coming,” she called to Carver. Carver nodded and stood back from the pit, poised to run when he heard the signal. “Now!”

Carver dashed forward as quickly as he could and leapt over the pit just in time to catch BJ’s twitching body from the air. He held her close and rolled to a stop on the other side of the pit, but he didn’t take time to celebrate. “Something’s wrong,” he said, panic in his voice. It was dark in the small room they’d landed in but he could see the look on her face and it scared him. He laid her down and instantly noticed the crescent moon shaped burn on her cheek that started at the right corner of her mouth, curving down along the ridge of her jaw and ending at the bottom of her earlobe. Her clothes and the hair on her arms and neck were singed as well. What had happened to her in the few seconds before she followed them down the chute? He held her shoulders but she wouldn’t stop convulsing under him, her eyes wide open and full of pain. “Merrill, something is very wrong!”

Merrill jogged over and kneeled beside the Hawkes. Isabella hobbled over on a sprained ankle, concern in her eyes. “I don’t know,” Merrill mumbled. “I don’t know what’s wrong. It looks like shock, something shocked her system. I’ve only ever seen this when a clan-mate of mine held raw lyrium for an extended amount of time.” She reached up and brushed her fingers against the burn on BJ’s jaw. “This… This touched raw lyrium but it only would have affected her like this if it had been held there for several minutes.”

“So, what do we do?” He asked, his voice quiet. He stared at her and wiped some drool from the corner of her mouth as the twitching finally stopped. Her eyes snapped closed as if the strings that held them open were suddenly cut and she passed out, her body flopping to the tiles like a doll.

Merrill hurriedly took BJ’s pulse and sighed in relief. “She’s alive. She’s alive, Carver.” She stood up and started pacing. “I don’t understand, this shouldn’t be possible.”

“Lyrium poisoning?”

“Highly accelerated lyrium poisoning. Her system is fighting it off like a disease and she appears to be… beating it.”

“Is she going to wake up?” Isabela asked. Carver was too in shock to do anything but stare at his sister’s vulnerable body.

“I- I’m not sure.”

“I’ve seen what lyrium does to people, is she going to be crazy like that if she does wake up?”

“I’m not sure.”

“What are we going to do if she doesn't wake up?”

“I don’t know!” Merrill sobbed, falling back to her knees beside Carver and BJ. “We’re going to die down here, aren’t we?”

Carver stood up and effortlessly lifted his sister into the air. “You are not going to die down here. I’m going to… I’m going to get us out.”

Isabela snorted and flopped down on the ground with her arms around her knees. “Yeah, right. Carver, let’s face it, you’re no BJ.”

“I know that! I know. But I’m not dying here, and I’m not going to let you two die down here, and I want to spend the rest of my life holding the fact that I saved her life over BJ’s head. So, we are going now. Merrill, could you cast some kind of… light ball thing?”

She nodded and held up a single hand until a small white orb formed in her palm. When she dropped her hand, the orb floated up above her head and got brighter and brighter until they could see most of the room. “That’s as bright as I can get it,” she said.

“This will be fine. We just need to see enough not to fall into the pit.” He grunted and hefted his sister up until her head lolled over his elbow as he moved around the edges of the room. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd really appreciate it if I could get some reviews on the next few chapters. I'm having reservations about the direction the story is going and hearing some outside opinions would be helpful. Thank you.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Mal banged his fist on the door for at least ten minutes after it had fallen silent outside before finally giving up. “Something happened,” he said, his voice hard. “I don’t like this. I heard BJ’s voice, you heard it too right?” He turned to Varric who nodded solemnly. “Then why hasn’t she kicked his ass and saved us?”

Varric sighed. “I don’t know, Mal, I don’t know. Bartrand isn’t a mage, he isn’t even a very good swordsman, but he is a cheat. If BJ hasn’t helped us by now I think it’s safe to say that that she won’t be able to.”

“She’s not dead,” Mal said, certain. “She’s my twin sister, I would know if she was dead, I would feel it.”

“I didn’t say that she was dead. I highly doubt she would die at the hands of someone like my brother. That would make for a really bad story.”

Mal threw a rock hard against the far wall. “This isn’t a story Varric! This is real life and my sister is in real danger!”

“You think I don’t know that?! You think I don’t care about her?! I’m just as worried about her as you are!”

“Stop it!” Anders called, stepping between them. “Screaming at each other isn’t going to solve anything. We need to find a way out of here. Bartrand was right about one thing, we will die if we stay here. BJ can take care of herself, Carver and Merrill are certainly formidable and Isabela is... resourceful. They will be fine.”

Mal ran his hand through his hair before lazily throwing another rock at the wall. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I’m just worried, BJ wouldn’t have let just anything get in her way, it must have been bad.”

“You said it yourself, she’s not dead. And as long as she’s alive you know that finding you will be her top priority.”

“Then should we stay here?” Varric asked. “If she comes looking for Mal, wouldn’t she look here first?”

“Who knows how long that will take. Do you really want to sit here and slowly starve to death for days?”

Varric grunted. Mal could tell that he really didn’t like the blonde mage too much. “Fine, Blondie, you’ve made your point. So how  _ do _ we get out of here?”

“Let’s see if we can find a lever or a hatch. A second door would be nice.”

Mal jittered with anxiousness but walked swiftly around the room looking for an exit. He walked around the platform in the center of the room, through the open passage around the back, and found a dwarf sized door on the back. The door only came up to his shoulders and when he opened it he found stairs leading down. “You guys!” He called. Varric and Anders came over and the blonde mage frowned when he saw the size of their escape. 

Varric laughed out loud and walked easily through the door, with a foot of space above his head. “Well, come on boys. Let’s get going.”

Mal and Anders looked at each other and then back down the stairs at Varric’s retreating back. With a labored sigh, Mal sat down on the top step. There was about as much space between his head and the ceiling as there was for Varric and so he slid down the stairs one by one.

Anders looked around at the room one last time for a human sized door and, finding none, finally followed suit. The stairs continued on for several minutes until they reached another wood door. Varric opened it and the two human men had to crawl through it. Luckily, the thoroughfare they entered had tall ceilings once again and they were able to stand.

“That was humiliating,” Anders mumbled, brushing dust off the seat of his robe.

“Hey, it’s the Deep Roads. You can’t expect everything to be made with humans in mind,” Varric teased, smirking. He looked around the walls, trying to orient himself and hummed. “I think this is a road I saw on Bartrand’s map. The location is right, it’s just under the thiag we found. If we follow this road, we should come upon the mines.”

“And that’ll have an exit?” Mal asked.

“No, that’ll take us back to the thiag we just left and we can retrace our journey backwards from there. It’ll also be the best place for BJ to come find us and have food we can forage. I saw some nugs, those are good eating.”

“What about Bartrand?”

Varric’s expression soured. “He’ll be long gone by then, the bastard. We’ll have to wait to get our revenge until after we’re out of this damn place.”

Mal nodded and started forward. They continued down the thoroughfare and, after several hours, the tunnels started to narrow until they were more of a hallway. Anders, in the lead, looked back at Varric cursiously. This didn’t look like a mine. But the dwarf just waved him forward.

The hallway was quiet and unnerving. Mal kept feeling like he was being watched but resisted the urge to glance over his shoulder. When he finally succumbed and looked back, he saw a shadow disappear in the corner of his eye. 

“Wait,” he hissed quietly, reaching forward and grabbing the back of Anders’ robe. Anders looked back at him and then down at his hand, wrinkling the fabric of his favorite robe. “I saw something.”

Varric stepped up beside him and they stared down the hall. “I don’t see anything.”

“It was there, I saw it.” He waited another beat and then turned. “Just keep your eyes peeled.”

They moved further down the hall and the feeling came back again, but this time Mal didn’t look back. He whipped out his sword and thrust it behind him without looking and received an answering screech. He finally turned back and saw that he had stabbed a creature that looked like a rock wraith. His father had described wraiths to him once, when he’d asked for a scary story. He’d had nightmares for weeks and they were worse than he had imagined them.

“Oh shit!” Varric exclaimed, pulling his crossbow off his back and firing. The wraith sputtered out of existence and his bolt fell to the ground where the creature used to be.

“Run,” Mal exclaimed. “Run!” They took off as fast as they could down the hall. Varric had trouble keeping up but Mal lifted him easily and carried him under his arms. There were sickening sounds behind them and just as they reached a turn down another hall, five wraiths appeared in front of them as well.

Mal dropped Varric onto his feet and swiped at them quickly. He held up his shield to block Varric from a shot of electricity and then bent over, crying out in rage as he barreled forward with his shield in front of him, bowling over the Prophanes ahead and killing each one with a swipe of his sword. There were three left behind them but the way forward was clear.

He lifted Varric back up and he and Anders ran down the hall. The hall opened into a larger chamber and an impossibly tall wraith lifted out of the ground and towered above them. He skid to a stop and his mouth gaped open at the sight.

“We’re so dead,” Varric mumbled, wiggling out of Mal’s grip.

“Enough!” The giant wraith called and its booming voice echoed around the chamber like a gong. “You have proven yourself, mortals. I would not see these creatures harmed without need.”

Mal blinked. “Without need? Without need?! They attacked us!”

“Did you not strike the first blow.”

He opened his mouth to respond and realized that… yes he had. “Well, they were creeping me out.”

Varric elbowed him hard in the hip. “Don’t argue with the giant pile of rocks,” he hissed.

“Regardless,” the creature continued. “They will not assault you further. Not without my permission.”

“What are these things?” Varric asked no one in particular. “They look like rock wraiths but…”

“They  _ hunger _ …” The word sent a shiver through Mal’s body and suddenly he felt a craving he couldn’t describe. This creature was a demon, he realized suddenly. Hunger, most likely. “They are the prophanes. They have lingered here for ages beyond memory, feeding on the magic stones until the need is all they know.”

“The lyrium?” Anders asked. “That’s what sustains them? And you’re a demon, feeding on their hunger.”

“I would not see my feast end. I sense your desire. You seek to leave this place but you will need my aid to do so.”

Mal gave the demon a considering look and opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Anders. “Don’t do it,” he said. “Demons will trip you up everytime. We’ll go with Varric’s plan and go through the mines at the end of the tunnel.”

“There is a door that leads into the paths far above us,” the demon continued. “That is what you seek. It has been sealed, however and cannot be opened without a key. I know where the key is. Do as I ask and I shall tell you.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” Mal said. “I think we can find it on our own. We don’t deal with demons.”

“Most unwise.” The big one disappeared in a flurry of shadow and the prophanes descended upon them instantly. 


	20. Chapter 20

CHAPTER TWENTY

The walls glowed in this part of the tunnels, so Merrill snuffed out her ball of light in her tiny fist. The walls were rough, more like a cave than a dwarven ruin, but there were still fixtures in the walls and the occasional door.

Carver grunted as he shifted his sister in his arms. They had been walking for hours and his arms were screaming at him. He lifted her up and held her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes to give his arms a break and Isabela tisked at him.

“She’d kill you if she knew you were doing that.”

“Well, who's going to tell her?”

The pirate shrugged and crossed her arms but kept hobbling forward. “We don’t even know where we are,” she said instead, changing the subject. “I thought you were going to save us, Junior. Now we’re still going to die, we’re just going to die in a different cave than the one we fell in.”

“We’re not going to die,” he said, for perhaps the twentieth time since they’re fallen through the trapdoor. The hallway ended abruptly and opened into a wide cavern. The path they were on turned into a bridge with a drop off on each side that fell for several hundred feet and ended at a river of molten lava. “Oh, shit.”

Merrill leaned over the edge and peered down. “That is quite alarming,” she said, twiddling her fingers nervously. “But I suppose we’ll be okay, so long as we don’t fall in.”

Carver took a deep breath in through his nose and then forced it out through his mouth. “Okay. Keep moving forward, you two. We have to get to the other side.” He could see the other side, about two hundred yard ahead of them, and it opened into a wide tunnel, more similar to the foot tunnels they’d started the expedition in. He couldn’t pick out any details at this distance, but it wasn’t like they had a choice.

The bridge was wide enough to fit them all shoulder to shoulder with some buffer on each end but they walked a single file right in the center, just to be sure. Carver kept the pace, slow and steady, with his breaths. The heat in the cavern was sweltering and his skin itched under his armor but he ignored it and kept marching forward. The heat made his sister feel heavier for some reason and he shifted her onto his right shoulder. They were above halfway across when Carver noticed a noise coming from the other side. 

He squinted and was able to see shapes in the distance. They were getting larger, closer, and suddenly he understood what he was hearing. “Darkspawn!” He yelled.

Isabela and Merrill stepped in front of him, poised to fight. “Get BJ to safety,” Izzy said, shoving him without looking back. “We’ll hold them off long enough for you to get your ass back here.”

There were easily fifty Darkspawn headed their wave, split up into what seemed to be three separate waves. They were screwed without BJ, but he turned and started sprinting back the way they’d come. A shriek appeared out of the ether in front of him and he dodged around it, kicking it in the back with a gracefully spin. A second one appeared behind him and whaped him sharply on the back, slicing through the first layer of leather on his armor and sending him tumbling to the ground.

BJ flew off his shoulder in an arc and he watched in slow motion as she hit the ground once and then her top half rolled off the side of the bridge, held on only by her hips. He scrambled to his knees and reached to grab her ankle, but the shriek leapt on top of him and his hand knocked hard into her foot, sending her over the edge.

“No!” he cried, as he twisted and kicked the shriek off of him. He pulled his sword off his back and screamed at the top of his lungs as he sliced through both shrieks in one move. He looked over at Isabela and Merrill and found them struggling against the onslaught of the swarm. He cast one desperate glance at where he had last seen his sister and squeezed his eyes shut in despair before turning sharply and running to the fray.

Merrill cast vines and ice as swiftly as she could and Isabela danced with her daggers, slicing and stabbing several creatures in the time it took him to swing his sword once. Just when they felt they were making progress, they were hit by the second wave and Carver felt suddenly that they were doomed. It was an odd feeling, accepting death. Relaxing and terrifying at the same time.

Just as the third wave hit them, he lost strength in his arms and his sword fell from his trembling hands. He felt a slicing pain in his side and knew he’d been hit. Merrill was fighting through tears, a determined look on her face and Isabela looked ready to turn tail and run back down the bridge. She wouldn’t get far on that ankle.

Just when all hope was lost, the darkspawn stopped. It was as if time had stopped but then, when it started up again, the creatures were screaming in pain. Carver looked at the ones in front of him and saw an eerie purple glow starting at their feet and crawling up their legs. The darkspawn clawed at its own leg furiously, howling the entire time. He looked around and saw that the same thing was happening to each and every creature. The purple came up over their waists and then swallowed their torsos and the moment that it enveloped their heads they were simultaneously tossed off the side of the bridge.

Carver wiped his eyes and blinked in surprise. “What just happened?” He heard breathing behind him and spun around, Merrill and Isabela following his eyes when he gasped.

BJ stood at the edge of the bridge, slouched and breathing heavily. Her hands were glowing purple and her hair was soaked in sweat and sticking to her red flushed skin. “You,” she started, then paused to breathe again as the purple faded from her hands. “... dropped me.” She fell to her knees as her legs gave out and shook the sweat from her eyes. There was no strength left in her arms to wipe her face.

Carver ran over and grabbed her face in his hands, wiping the sweat away with his sleeve. “I can’t believe you’re okay, oh Maker, how did you survive?” He peered over the edge, looking for a ledge that she might have landed on. He didn't see one but it must have been there. She passed out before she could answer and sagged in his arms. 

He turned to Merrill for answers but the look on her face said she didn’t have any.

Isabela crouched down next to him and put a hand on Carver’s shoulder. “Let’s keep moving. If she woke up once, she can do it again.”

Carver nodded and shakily lifted her into his arms once more, crying out and nearly falling to his knee when the wound on his side flared. Merrill looked at him, concerned. “Were you injured?” she asked.

“No, no,” he said. “Just sore. Let’s go.”

They made it across the bridge with no further incident and stopped to rest on the other side, cooking up what little food Merrill had in her rucksack. Isabela dozed against the wall as Carver and the elven mage cooked over the open fire, with BJ propped in the pirate’s lap and leaned against her chest.

“I want to talk to you about BJ,” Merrill said quietly, when she was sure that Isabela was asleep.

“About what’s wrong with her?”

Merrill paused, biting her lip like she was conflicted. “Sort of. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I haven’t known your sister very long but she’s done things for me that no one ever has before. I care about her deeply. She is quite possibly the only friend I have left in the world.”

“You’ll always have me too, Merrill.”

The elf gave him a grateful smile and then looked at her hands. “I have… concerns about your sisters power.”

Carver looked up from the fire, confused. “Concerns? LIke what?” Usually people were amazed by his sister. This was the first time anyone expressed concerns. To Carver, at least.

“This disease she’s contracted from the red lyrium... I’m going to be honest, she’s not supposed to be surviving it. Lyrium poisoning is 100% deadly. And what she did on the bridge… not the  _ pew _ darkspawn part, that at least is explainable. But… when she fell over the side there was no ledge. I looked over as you carried her away and there was nothing that should have stopped her from hitting the lava. I am pleased that she survived, I want you to understand that. The alternative is devastating, truly.”

“So… what are you saying?”

“Well, my first thought was that she was like Anders, with a spirit attached to her whose power she could tap into unlimitedly. But as I tried to sense for a spirit inside her, I recognized something in her magic that I’ve only felt once before. How sure are you of her parentage?”

Carver was shocked silent for a moment before finding his tongue “What?”

“Move,” BJ grunted as she pushed on her brother’s shoulder to make room for her by the fire. “I need food.”

Carver blinked but scooted over. “You’re awake.”

“Obviously.” She got grumpy when she was magically drained like this. Grumpier than usual, anyway. He had only seen it twice. Her hair was sticking up at absurd angles and there were heavy dark bags under her eyes as she pulled the nug meat off the fire and dug into it before even taking it off the stick. Carver opened his mouth to speak but she interrupted him. “Do you have any idea how much magic I used to save your asses back there? I need to eat to regain my energy. Hunt down another nug if you want any.”

“No, not that, you’re welcome to it. I hate nug anyway. I just wanted to ask… Did you hear what we were talking about?”

“You mean your super secret whisper flirting? No, I have no interest in your sweet nothings.” After she had polished off the nug, she started looking at their surroundings, her lip twitching in annoyance. “You have no idea where we are, do you?”

“Nope,” Merrill said, cheerily. She just seemed happy that BJ was awake and Carver was praying she’d pass out again. “No clue, just moving forward.”

She sighed and wiped at her mouth. “Better than staying still, I suppose.” She stood and started beating her hair down, pulling her fingers through it to get it back to its usual shape and then pulling it up off her neck in a floppy bun. “Alright. Rest up, eat, answer nature’s call, do whatever you have to do. We move in half an hour.”

When she was out of hearing range, Merrill leaned over to whisper in Carver’s ear. “I’ll tell you later,” she promised before hopping up and running after BJ. “What happened?” she asked. “What did Bartrand do to you after we fell?”

BJ reached up and touched the burn on her jaw. It was starting to scab up. At this point it was beyond healing magic, she’d have a scar there for the rest of her life. “He hit me with that idol he took from Mal. It looked like it was made of red lyrium. Burned like it too. We used to have to get lyrium from smugglers in Redcliff and sometimes their stuff wasn’t diluted enough and it would burn and itch when you touched it. It was like that but… more. And with the blue stuff you’d be fine if you washed it off your skin right away but it was like I’d been poisoned by it the instant it touched me. Then I felt like my entire body was on fire and then I blacked out.” She reached back and fiddled with the singed hair at her nape. “Looks like I was on literal fire too. Hmm, haven’t done that in a while.”

Merrill hummed. “That would explain it. All of your symptoms said ‘lyrium poisoning’ but the timeline didn’t match.”

“But I couldn’t have actually been poisoned, I wouldn’t be alive right now.”

Merrill bit her tongue before she said the words that were on her lips. It would be cruel to spring it on her now. “Right. It was cutting extremely close, though. You should take it easy.” She wanted to breach the next subject carefully. “So, um, how did you get back up the cliff?”

BJ stared at her for a moment, the words taking a moment to register. “Cliff? What cliff?”

“The side of the bridge. Carver dropped you off and then you-”

“What?! Carver, you dropped me off a cliff?”


	21. Chapter 21

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

The prophanes were easier to out run than they were to fight. They didn’t seem to have any weak points but they also didn’t have any legs, so it was more efficient to run when they could and fight only if they had to. They had been running for what felt like forever but hadn’t come across any prophanes in several minutes so they slowed to a brisk walk.

“We should be getting close to the mine,” Varric said, panting. Dwarves weren’t made for running like this. 

The hallway opened up into a wide chamber with large stalactites hanging low from the ceiling to meet in the middle with the stalagmites coming up from the cave floor. There were four huge ones, one in each corner of the room, with a larger diameter than the length of their house. “Woah,” Mal mumbled as he moved towards the center of the room. “These are mines?”

“Part of them. This is a lower  chamber, probably used for storage. There will be stairs around here somewhere to take us up a couple levels to the thaig.”

As Mal neared the exact center of the chamber, the ground beneath his feet started to rumble. He froze and looked around frantically as giant boulders from around the room defied gravity and flew towards him. He scrambled backwards, nearly tripping but catching himself, as they started to swirl like a vortex and take the shape of the giant hunger demon from before.

“You will not leave this cave alive!” the demon roared as it tossed a rock at them.

They leapt out of the way and Anders ran up to Mal, grabbing frantically at his arm to get his attention. “This is very reminiscent of the golem!” He called over the roar of the monster. “I’m going to try ice, like BJ did, stand back!” Before he could cast a single spell, the demon fell apart and the rocks started spinning around once more in a vortex and glowing a dangerous red. Ander’s eyes widened. “Okay, the golem definitely did not do that!” He shoved Mal hard to hide him behind one of the giant stalagmites and then hurried behind it as well just as the room flooded with red light that scorched everything it touched. They were safe behind the stone but even there they could feel the heat pressing against their skin.

“Varric!” Mal called, when he saw the dwarf, safe behind another rock. “Don’t let the red light hit you!”

“No shit, genius? I was just about to take a nice stroll in the death laser!”

The red light ended as abruptly as it began and the rocks fell into a helpless pile on the ground as the creature regained its strength. “Now!” Mal called, running out from behind the stone. “Now!” He pulled his sword out of the holster on his hip and gave a battle cry as he stormed towards the demon pile. It was kind of anticlimactic when he swung his sword and barely made a crack in the stone, but he hammered away at it as hard as it could.

Anders seemed to want to try his ice theory and the stone he was working froze over and shattered when Mal smashed his shield against it with all his might.

The demon roared and the rocks took shape again. It brought forth an earthquake that sent Mal tumbling into Anders’ arms and then sent them both into the dirt. Mal’s face was extremely close to Anders’ and he grinned suggestively but Anders just rolled his eyes and pushed Mal away from him to get back on his feet. There was a hole where the rock Mal had shattered used to be but the demon didn’t seem otherwise affected. 

“This is going to take awhile,” Mal mumbled as he and Anders dodged falling rocks. 

“We just have to keep chipping away at it, bit by bit,” Anders replied. “When it collapses after that big attack we’ll go in and smash another rock and keep going until it can’t hold itself up anymore!”

“That’s a horrible idea!” Varric exclaimed as he finally made his way near them. They ducked behind a stalagmite when the demon reared up for its next red light attack.

“I don’t see you coming up with anything!”

“We can’t just take it down bit by bit, we’ll exhaust ourselves before we even get halfway done!”

“We have to try something!”

Mal took a deep breath and thought carefully over their choices. The fact that there was little he could do when the light was burning everything around them gave him the time. “We’ll go with Anders’ plan,” he said, finally. “He’s right, we don’t have a choice.”

The light stopped and they surged around the sides of the stone. Anders froze the first boulder in his line of sight and Mal and varric assaulted it until it cracked. He gave one good smash with his shield and it fell into two pieces. The demon drew itself back up to full height and turned around to look at that entrance they had just come from. “Your reinforcements will not save you,” he said. “You will all fall!”

“Rein-what?...” Mal started before following the creatures gestures. He let out a startled laugh when he saw the signature purple glow of his sisters magic emerging from the darkness of the hall. “Oh, you’re in for it now. My sister doesn’t take kindly to demons.”

The demon roared and threw a boulder towards the tunnel just as his sister stepped out into the light. She waved a hand and the boulder stopped mid air and dropped to the ground, cracking down the middle from its own weight. She climbed up on top of the rock as Merrill, Izzy, and Carver ran around it, ready to fight.

“I am not in the mood for this!” she called as she threw an ice spell. “I’ve been slapped with lyrium and I’ve been dropped off a cliff, you do not want a piece of me today!”

 

Mal and BJ panted, out of breath, as they leaned against the wall and each other. They were both soaked with sweat and BJ couldn’t remember another time in her life when she’d been this tired. She looked over at her twin and smiled softly. “You can’t stay out of trouble, can you?”

He laughed sharply and grinned. “You’re one to talk. What’s this I hear about falling off a cliff?”

“Dropped. I was dropped off a cliff. And I am never letting Carver forget about it.”

Mal sighed and leaned heavily against her right side before reaching up and gently running a finger over the crescent shaped scar forming on her jaw. “I like it,” he said, when she flinched away in embarrassment. “Makes you look dangerous.”

“The best scars have great stories. The story for this sucks, I got bitch slapped by a merchant.”

“You fought against lyrium poisoning and won. That’s a pretty badass story.”

“I wasn’t actually poisoned, I would be dead if I had been.”

“Well, no one but us needs to know that.”

“Now you’re starting to sound like Varric.”

Mal’s face brightened. “Oh, great idea. Let him spin a story about it instead. Whenever anyone asks just get moody and refuse to talk about it and let Varric handle the rest. Before long people will cower in fear when they see you in the streets.”

Almost as if his ears were burning, Varric called to them from across the chamber. “Um, guys! I think you’re going to want to see this!”

Mal grunted as he stood and reached down help his sister to her feet and she glared up at him defiantly. “No. I’m never moving again.” 

He laughed but took her hand anyway and she went with him when he pulled. “Just a little walk over to Varric and you can sit down again.”

“My blood is tired, Mal. I’m used to being bone tired, but this is the first time I’ve ever been blood tired.”

They made their way slowly over to where Varric and the others were gathered around the wooden door leading out of the chamber. “Alright, Varric,” Mal started. “What is it?” Everyone stepped aside and let the two oldest Hawke siblings would through the door and they both gasped at the sight that beheld them. The room was about the size of their house back in Kirkwall but, unlike their house in Kirkwall, it was stuffed to bursting with gold and chests full of gems.

“Oh, shit,” BJ mumbled. “I’m going to buy Mother a gorgeous house and then I’m going to buy Bethany her own dress shop.”

“I’m going to buy my farm,” Mal said, quietly. He turned to his sister with a serious look on his face. “I’m going to move back to Fereldan and buy my farm.”

She stared at him, suddenly terrified. She had never been without her brother before but this was something he had always wanted. “I’m going to buy a boat,” she said quietly, instead of asking him to stay like she wanted to. She had always known they would have to go their separate ways someday. He wasn’t made for this kind of life and she couldn’t imagine any life but the one she had. “I’m going to buy the fastest boat in the Free Marches and come visit you all the time.”

They hugged each other tightly and then turned to the crowd at the door. “We’re rich!” Mal cheered.

Everyone cheered along and started planning what they were going to do with their cut, except for Carver, sequestered in his own corner. He held the wound in his side gingerly as it ached and carefully lifted up the edge of his shirt to see black tendrils spreading slowly across his ribs 

 

Two days after reaching the red lyrium thiag and then continuing back the way the entered found the heroes tired and weighed down by the treasure in their rucksacks. They couldn’t carry it all but grabbed what they could and resolved to send a crew back for the rest once they were filthy rich. 

BJ held the rear but Carver was slowing down with each step until he was about to fall behind her. She stepped up beside him and put a hand on his shoulder to stop him. “Are you alright?” she asked quietly, hoping not to attract attention from the others. “I’ll make them take a break if you need it.”

He stared at her for a long moment before dropping everything in his arms. “I don’t think a break is going to cut it. I didn’t want to tell you, I was hoping I was imagining it…”

The clash his treasure made against the stone startled everyone into looking back at them. Mal raised an eyebrow and pushed through the others to reach them. “What’s going on? Carver, are you alright?”

Carver gave him a grave smile. “You could see it on a stranger but you can’t even recognize it in your own brother? You’re losing your touch.”

Mal was confused but gave his brother a closer inspection than he had in days. His eyes widened when he realized. “Carver,” he said, his voice low. “Please tell me I’m not seeing what I think I’m seeing.”

“What?” BJ asked, a bit of panic seeping into her voice. “What are you seeing?” She spun to Carver and looked him over as well but couldn’t see anything different. He was a little paler than normal but if he was ill that was to be expected. “Carver, what’s going on?”

“Carver is tainted.”

BJ blinked at her brother, not willing to understand the words she’d just heard. “No,” she said, defiantly. “No, he’s not. You’re not.”

Carver nodded and clutched at his side. “I am.”

BJ tugged his shirt off over his head and tossed it to the side, gasping when she was the maze of black that crept up his torso, stopping just below his collarbone and slithering down under the waist of his pants. “No,” she mumbled. “This isn’t happening. I’m having that nightmare again and Mal is going to be eaten by a giant spider and then I’m going to wake up.” Merrill gasped when she peered around BJ. Izzy refused to look and Anders stood off to the side looking grave. Varric put a hand on the small of BJ’s back. “I’m not going to let this happen, alright? Do you hear me? I’m going to save you, that’s what I do, that’s my only job in this world.”

Anders stepped up and shook his head. “The only thing that could save him now is to become a Grey Warden.”

BJ turned on him so quickly that he jumped. “Then fix him. Make him a Grey Warden, you’re a Grey Warden, fix him!”

“I don’t know how. I was only with the Wardens for a short time, and they never taught me the ritual.”

“Then find me other Grey Wardens who  _ will _ know!”

“Beej,” Mal started when he saw that his sister was getting angry. “This isn’t his fault, he’s trying to help.”

“He’s not trying hard enough!” Carver fell to his knees behind them and she swooped down to support his weight. 

Mal turned to Anders with pleading eyes and the mage twiddled his fingers thoughtfully. “There is a passage, not too far from here. It’s a favorite of the Wardens, it’s where they take initiates to train. I can’t guarantee that there will be someone there right now but… it may be Carver’s only chance.”

“Take us there.  _ Now _ !”

With Carver strung over Mal and Anders shoulders, BJ led the way through a side passage with Anders directing her. It was only an hour into the passage before they came upon a group of people in Grey Warden garb. The oldest man, a stout man with gray hair and eyes aged even more than his face, noticed them first and held up his hands to stop the younger people around him.

“Hello, fellow explorers!” he called kindly.

BJ ignored his nicesties and ran ahead of the others to reach him. “Help my brother!” she called.

The man’s kind face instantly fell into a frown as she stopped in front of him. “What’s wrong? How can we assist?”

“My brother was tainted by a Darkspawn.”

His face fell into sadness. “I see. There may be nothing we can do, young lady.”

“No! That’s not good enough. I will not lose him!”

As the others came closer the man looked up and his sadness turned to shock when he recognized one among their number. “Anders,” he said, his voice guarded. “I must say that I’m surprised to find you here.”

Anders took Carver’s arm off his shoulders and Mal moved him forward, choosing to stay behind BJ. “Well, you and me both. I thought you or someone might be here to help.”

“Enough with the chit chat,” BJ barked. “My brother doesn’t have much time left. Can you help him or not?”

The man looked at Carver, slouched over his brother’s shoulder, and nodded after a long, heavy moment. “I’ll do what I can.” He waved at two of the initiates and they gently took him from Mal.

“No, wait, what are you doing? Where are you taking him?”

“To become a Grey Warden, of course. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“He can’t… come home with us?”

“No, dear girl, I’m afraid not. If you want him to be a Grey Warden, he’ll have to  _ be _ a Grey Warden.”

BJ stared at her baby brother for what felt like a lifetime, but his eyes were too unfocused to look back. “Will he live?” she asked, quietly. 

“No way to know for certain, but young ones like him usually have better odds. I know that doesn’t help. He can send you a letter from Weishaupt if he survives. If he does not… I’ll send you the ashes.”

He turned then and they carried her brother away. She stared at him until they were out of sight and then let Anders lead her back towards the main thoroughfare. Mal buried his face in her hair as they walked to hide his tears and whispered, “Let’s go home.”

 

BJ trailed behind her brother and friends on the walk back to the Hawke residence. The closer they got the more she curled in on herself, holding her arms tightly. When the house came into view she squeezed her own arms so tightly that Merrill could tell they were going to bruise. The young elf opened her mouth to ask BJ if she was alright but Isabela slipped an arm around her shoulders and started leading her off towards the the Hanged Man.

“Let’s leave them to it, yeah? Come on, Kitten, I’ll teach you what beer pong is.”

Varric sighed and gently rubbed the small of his friend’s back. “I’m here if you need me,” he said before following the pirate and elf towards his bar. Anders turned to Mal and gave him a reassuring smile before turning and heading off towards the entrance to Darktown.

Then it was just them, alone in the wet streets. Mal continued forward but BJ didn’t move from where she’d rooted herself until he called her name softly, then she moved forward at a slow pace. “I can’t face it,” she said when he stepped up beside her and led her forward. “If I go home without him… it makes it real. He’s gone.”

“He’s alive, Beej. Everytime you start to think like that remember that he is alive.”

“When they carried him away… I got the feeling that it was the last time I was ever going to see him. For the rest of my life, my last memory of my baby brother will be his ashen face just… staring.”

“If he can’t come see us, we’ll go see him. Weishaupt isn’t that far. We’ll make a trip of it. Take Bethany, she’d enjoy the countryside.”

BJ didn’t answer his soft smile and looked away sharply. “How can you even look at me right now, like it’s not my fault.”

“Because it’s not your fault. I blame the Darkspawn and I always will. Let’s go home now, and we’ll write him a letter together. Right now, we have to be strong for Ma and Bethany.”

BJ suddenly straightened her posture and her eyes widened. “Oh, Bethany. Her twin is gone. She’s going to feel devastated. I couldn’t bare the thought of losing you like this.”

Mal rubbed her arm and stepped away just before they reached the door. “Come on. This is going to be a long night. We should get started.”

He opened the door and his eyes widened at the sight in front of him before stepping inside and slamming the door shut behind him, locking his sister outside in the rain. She blinked, too shocked to move for a moment, before reaching for the door and tugging, but it didn’t budge. Mal was holding the knob from the inside like he used to do when they were kids. She frowned and peeked in the window, cupping her hands around her eyes to see better, and she felt her blood boil at the sight that beheld her.

There were two Templars inside speaking to her brother and mother. She recognized the one holding Bethany’s arm as the same one who had come into the tavern looking for her all those months ago and had started her on this path. The other one was worse.

“Wesley,” she hissed, her voice dripping with venom. She stepped away from the window and looked around the house. She had to get inside.

Mal held the door knob tightly in his hand when he felt it jiggle again but didn’t take his eyes off the scene in front of him. Wesley, that snake, was smirking like a cat who’d caught a canary. His mother was sobbing on the floor, clutching at Bethany’s robes, and Bethany seemed resigned to her fate.

“What’s going on here?” He asked.

“We’ve come to gather this apostate and transport her to the Circle,” the blonde one said. “If you’d kindly move. We don’t want this to escalate.”

The look on Wesley’s face said that he absolutely wanted it to escalate but Mal wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Suddenly, there was a very subtle thump on the roof. The Templars didn’t seem to notice it and Mal wouldn’t have either if he hadn’t heard it a hundred times. BJ was going for the roof hatch in the bedroom. It was probably unlocked, they liked to keep it open on warm nights for a little breeze and she used it sometimes when she was coming home late and didn’t want to wake Leandra.

He stepped away from the door and started subtly heading for the back room. He stopped briefly to kiss Bethany on the forehead. “We will not abandon you,” he whispered as quietly as he was able. She looked up at him with wet eyes and nodded sharply. “I love you,” he said, louder. “I’ll write you every day, I promise.” She gave him a wet smile and allowed herself to be led out of the house. He turned to Wesley and whispered “BJ is coming for you” but it didn’t appear to affect him. He shrugged and followed his superior out. Before the door had even shut behind them Mal booked it into the bedroom and caught BJ by the waist just as she jumped off the bed. He heard the front door snap closed and breathed a sigh of relief.

“I’ll kill you!” she screamed, fighting against her brother's hold. “I’m coming for you Wesley, I’ll kill you!”

“BJ!” Mal called, holding her by the shoulders. “We can’t do anything to help Bethany if you get taken too.”

She glared at him but stopped fighting. “We can’t let him get away with this.”

“We won’t. I swear it.”

“He will come to rue the day that I saved him,” she hissed as her brother’s eyes filled with tears. Mal sniffled and squeezed his sisters shoulders. “He’ll wish I’d let him die because when I get my hands on him I’m going to make it hurt. I’m going to make him beg for it to end.” The fire seeped out of her voice and was replaced by loss. “They’re both gone. How could I let this happen?”

Leandra came through the doorway of the bedroom, sobbing into her fist. Mal held out an arm and she collapsed against his chest, sobbing loudly. BJ wrapped her arms around their mother and Mal wrapped his around them both and they stayed there for hours, holding the remains of their family as closely as possible.


	22. Chapter 22

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

_ Three Years Later _

She was still a little bit buzzed when she made her way into the viscount’s office that rainy morning. She had tried to put herself together the best she could in her state. She washed her important areas in the sink and put on one of her nicest robes and even pulled up her hair into a ponytail, something she couldn’t find the energy to do most of the time nowadays. But no matter what she wore her state was obvious on her face, thick dark circles under her bloodshot eyes. She was always hungover when she woke up and had decided to get ahead of that by not sleeping, so she was swaying both from exhaustion and from the booze. It was probably not the best plan she had come up with in her life but not that bad a plan for how drunk off her ass she had been at the time. Last time she had tried to outrun a hangover she had literally run through the damp streets of Hightown barefoot. There was also that time she had decided that she couldn’t get hungover if she was just always drunk but she didn’t like to think about that. Every now and then she would catch Mal giving her sad looks from across the dinner table and knew that he had started thinking about it too. He wasn’t subtle about how much he disliked her sudden and growing drinking situation (it wasn’t a problem, okay, she didn’t have a problem) but at least he was quiet about it.

Varric wouldn’t shut up about it. Every time she saw him there was a lecture hiding in wait behind his friendly smiles and inside jokes. Aveline wouldn’t even bother being friendly, she immediately brought it up the second BJ walked into a room. 

“You smell like a bar, Hawke,” she sneered quietly as she stepped up beside Hawke in the waiting room outside the viscount’s office.

“I should hope so, I rolled in five-copper cigars, piss poor ale, and unidentified sticky liquids before I came here. I’m trying to project a certain image.”

Aveline’s lip curled up in distaste. “What image is that? A degenerate?”

“Degenerate drunk, thank you very much.”

“Well, you’re succeeding.”

“As I always do, my friend.” Aveline sighed and gave the oldest Hawke child a sad frown. BJ sneered at her. She must have really looked like shit if even Aveline pitied her too much to continue her lecture. “Don’t give me that look.”

“Why are you doing this to yourself? There are plenty of people in this town who've lost more than you and have much more reason to drink.”

“I know, I meet them every night down at the Hanged Man.”

“You don’t have to do this.”

The door opened then and a scrawny red haired man stepped out. “Serah Hawke, Guard Captain du Lac? The Viscount will see you in a moment.”

BJ blinked and looked up at Aveline as the office door was closed once again. “du Lac?”

“My unmarried name. I changed it back after the divorce.”

BJ hummed. “I like it. Has more of a knight-ish sound than Vallen did.”

Aveline rolled her eyes but there was a bit of a blush on her cheeks. “Well, I’m so glad you approve. Clearly that was my main concern.”

Finally, the office door was opened a second time and  the red haired man gestured for them to enter. “Serah Hawke, the Viscount has heard of your dealings with the Qunari. We understand that you have a bit of a rapport with their leader.”

She had only met the man once nearly three years ago, honestly, it could hardly be called a rapport. But she nodded anyway. “Yes?” She and Aveline followed the man inside to find the bald viscount sitting at his desk.

“The Qunari threat is no longer contained-”

“Was it ever?” The Viscount exclaimed. “Kirkwall has tension enough between Templar and Mage, but these Qunari… the sit in the shadows like gargoyles, waiting for Maker knows what, and everyone goes mad around them. Nearly four years I’ve stood between fanatics. And now… this.”

He didn’t continue and BJ raised an eyebrow. “Don’t keep us in suspense.”

He stares at BJ for an uncomfortable minute before waving at the red head. “Leave us.” After the three were alone the man continued. “Meredith at my throat, Orsino at the heels, and the city scared of heretical giants. Balance is held because the Qunari ask for nothing. Even the space in Lowtown was a gift to contain them. But now…” he paused and turned to BJ, his face revealing nothing. “But now, the Arishok has requested you. By name.”

Aveline looked over at her friend with wide eyes. “By name? Hawke, what did you do?”

“Recently?”

Aveline glared at her. “Ever!”

“Nothing, honestly! Years ago I killed a bunch of rogue Qunari but literally all I’ve done the last three years is drink. Unless he’s mad at me for buying up all the booze in town there is nothing!”

The Viscount continued watching her with narrowed eyes. “It makes no sense. And it doesn’t matter. I just need them quiet. I remember how you helped my son.” BJ was glad that he remembered it, because she sure as hell didn’t. “It seems that you are meant to have influence above your station. Speak to the Arishok. Give him what he wants. Can you do that for Kirkwall, Serah Hawke?”

“Not for Kirkwall,” she said, shrugging. “But because I have people I care about who could get hurt if this goes sideways.”

The man frowned and dropped heavily into his seat. “That will do. Guard Captain du Lac, I expect you to assist Serah Hawke in this matter. And report back to me.”

Aveline nodded. “Yes sir.”

“That will be all, you’re dismissed.”

They walked side by side until they were out of the office and then BJ turned to Aveline with a curious expression. “Hey, do you remember me saving the Viscount’s son?”

Aveline frowned at her and crossed her arms. “Yes. Fenris and I accompanied you, it was about a week after you came back from the Deep Roads. Do you not remember it at all?”

“To be honest, not at all. That first couple months is all a blur, I was doing every job I could find just to keep from thinking about the twins. Did you know I’m a partner in a mine now? I killed a dragon.”

“Yes, I was there.”

“You were? Are you sure?”

Aveline sighed sadly and gripped her shoulder. “Let’s just head down to the docks, okay Hawke?” They were quiet until the left the building and then Aveline suddenly turned to her. “Do you remember Emeric? The Templar?”

BJ turned to her and blinked incomprehensibly. “Let’s just assume I do not remember anything since the end of the expedition. Mal would probably remember, I think he’s at the house.”

Aveline shook her head. “No, it’s okay if you don’t. He’s just looking for help. And an official sanction.”

“What’s wrong?”

“He’s been running around, scaring people and being a real thorn in my side. He seems to think that every random murder in the last few years is connected. And he won’t be quiet.”

“This sounds more like a guard problem. He didn’t have enough evidence to convince you?”

“I did investigate. He even convinced one of my lieutenants to raid the Du Puis mansion.”

BJ knew that name. She met the head of the family at some kind of party her mother strong-armed her into going to almost a year ago. Gas-something or other. “Du Puis? What for?”

She sighed, clearly frustrated with the entire situation. “He thought Du Puis was responsible. There was nothing there. You have no idea how much ass I had to kiss after that. Bloody hobbyist constable. Why can’t he spend his declining years building a boat or something?”

“That’s why I plan to die young.”

Aveline didn’t dignify that with a response. “Could you just chase his threads? If it leads somewhere, I’ll pick it up and pay you a consultant fee.”

“So if he’s wrong I get nothing?”

“Hawke please. He’s in the Gallows usually, if you feel up to it. Just think about it.”

 

The Qunari compound hadn’t changed much in the years since she’d been there last. She could almost swear that it was the same Qunari guarding the door when she and Aveline stepped up.

“My name is Hawke. Your Arishok requested me.”

The Qunari’s expression did not change but he pushed open the wooden gate and allowed the two women inside. The Arishok was at his seat when they walked up and stopped at the base of the stairs that lead up to him.

“Serah Hawke.”

“You requested my presence?”

“Last we met, I did not know your name. Did not care to. You have changed your fortune over the years. The Qunari have not. I offer a courtesy, Hawke. Someone has stolen what he thinks is the formula for gaat-lok. You will want to hunt him.”

“Someone managed to steal something for the great and powerful Qunari?”

Aveline elbowed her sharply in the side. “No snide comments,” she hissed.

The Arishok continued as if he did not notice her sarcasm. “It was allowed. The stolen formula was a decoy. Saar-qamek, a poison gas. A small amount is dangerous to your kind and made in quantity, perhaps by someone intending to sell it…”

BJ groaned in anger and clenched her fists. “I’m going to murder that little dwarf!”

The Arishok reclined back against his chair. “If that is your wish. We have decided to allow you to seek justice in this matter, since it is your people he is endangering.”

BJ looked at him skeptically. “You hate this city and everyone in it. I don’t blame you, but why tell me this? This dwarf could do your work for you.”

The Arishok watched her evenly and folded his hands together in front of him. “I don’t call anyone in Kirkwall an ally, or even a good rival, but you have shown competence. There comes a time when the Qun demands accounting and until then I will show respect to the most promising among you.”

“I’m flattered, really, but when that day comes I will fight against you until there is not a breath left in me.”

“I look forward to it.”

“Hawke,” Aveline hissed, gripping her elbow. “Stop threatening him. We came here to deescalate the situation. Let’s go find this dwarf and put a stop to this.”

“What? This is flirting, and he started it.”

“Not my point, let’s just go. Varric might know where to start looking.”

BJ shook her head. “Varric hasn’t been to the Guild in months, we’re better off going straight to the Coterie. You should stay in Lowtown, they’ll run if they see a guard there. I’ll come get you when I’ve figured something out.” She turned back to the Arishok. “Well, thanks, I guess.”

“Panahedan, Hawke. I do not hope you die.”

 

There was Coterie barker just where she thought there might be. The blonde woman grinned when she saw BJ approaching. “Hawke. Fancy seeing you here. I thought you were too good for us criminals now that you’re living it up in Hightown.”

“Talia, I’ve always been too good for the Coterie. What can you tell me about Jevaris Tintop?”

Talia shrugged. “Hates you, that’s for damn sure. You’re not responsible for his sudden disappearance are you? You want his stuff? It’s meager pickings but I’ll let you have first go.”

“You’re selling his lot? Damn, he must have skipped town fast to leave it behind. I’m interested in the man himself, actually. You know where he went?”

“Usually, I wouldn’t betray the privacy of a member of our organization but he skipped out on paying me too. I’d put him at Smugglers Cut.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Really? He’s merchant, Talia, he wouldn’t last the night passed the Cut.”

She shrugged. “That’s the best I got. Do with it what you will. Now, you sure I can’t interest you in some of his stuff?” She bought a historic Tevinter knife and a bottle of vintage wine and then went to find Aveline.

 

She gathered Aveline and the two went down into the Cut, a small system of caves that emptied out just outside of town. They found the elusive merchant at the end of a sea of carta thugs, who were laughably easy to defeat.

The dwarf quivered at their feet, holding his hands up over his head.

BJ leaned down and wrapped her hand in his shirt to lift him up off the ground. It was very reminiscent of the last time they’d met. “You remember me, you little bastard?” she hissed, shaking him.

“Hawke! She sent you to kill me?”

“You’re not dead yet, Jevaris.”

“And you won’t be,” Aveline insisted. “So long as you answer our questions.”

“You know what, just do it! Take off my head and bring it back on a pike to that sodding elf! I need the rest.”

“What in blazes are you blathering about?”

“You don’t know? Then you’re… tracking for the Qunari? Then she did it, she got the Qunari after me for nothing! Bitch-born!”

BJ and Aveline looked at each other and the mage scowled. “We’ve been played.” She tossed the dwarf back into the dirt. “Talk.”

“Look, I’m minding my business and out of the blue some elf tried to kill me. Says she’s got the Qunari powder and I’m her cover. I slipped her, hired some bodyguards,” he looked annoyed down at one of the bodies at his feet. “And ran for it. And now you’re here. I just want to get out, with my dead guards, so thanks for that.”

“You got off easy, Jevaris. You’re only leaving here alive because of this angel on my shoulder and my own good graces. You should be grateful.”

He muttered to himself as he walked away and BJ turned back to Aveline, who looked at her with a raised, skeptical eyebrow. “I’m the angel on your shoulder? Am I really the best conscience you have?”

“Between you and every other person I associate with? My absent-minded brother, the blood mage, the pirate, the bar owner, and Fenris? Yeah, you’re all I’ve got.”

“No wonder you’re so messed up.”

BJ shrugged. “We’ve finally solved the mystery. Let’s go find this elf, yeah?”


	23. Chapter 23

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

When they arrived in Lowtown there was a crowd forming near the alley behind Varric’s bar. They jogged over and pushed their way to the front of the group.

“All of you, I can’t fight the air!” exclaimed a young guard, standing between the crowd and the entrance to the alley. “You want to live, stay out!”

“What’s going on, Mason?” Aveline asked, stepping up the him.

“Guard Captain! There’s… I can’t even begin to describe…”

“On your time.”

“Reports of a haze that smelled of rust and... vomit. There was a cloud then a lingering mist. Anyone caught in the mist went mad and started to kill one another, then the last standing retched herself dead.”

She gave BJ a look of understanding. This was what they had been warned of. “Keep your post,” she said, stepping around the guard with BJ close behind. “We’ll take it from here.”

BJ pulled her scarf (Bethany’s scarf… she wore it to remember what she was fighting for) up around her nose and mouth, pulling it tight. It wasn’t perfect but she couldn’t breathe the mist in directly. Aveline nodded and followed her lead with her uniform ascot. The alley was full of the mist, just as the guardsman had said, and gave the space an eerie green color. She could smell the rust and vomit as promised and there were barrels scattered around, spewing the gas. The mist hurt her eyes but she wiped away the tears as they were forming and walked up to one of the barrels. 

“It’s missing some kind of latch,” she called, stepping around it. “There is a mechanism inside that forces it to remain open unless it’s been latched. I’ve seen something similar done with ale. That was a fun night.”

“Hawke, focus. We need to find that latch.”

BJ nodded and they both started looking around. There were four barrels in total and, so long as this elf didn’t leave with them, there should be four latches. A glint of metal caught her eye and she followed it over to the corner behind a building. “Found them! Aveline!” she called.

“Hawke!” Aveline called back, but she seemed distressed. 

BJ grabbed the latches and put them in her rucksack and took off towards her friend’s voice. She was surrounded by Red Irons, holding two off with her shield. She cried out and pushed them away so that she could pull her sword from the sheath on her hip. BJ called forth her magic and two ice daggers formed around her hands.

“If you leave now, I’ll let you go!” she called as Aveline moved over towards her, still holding her shield up by her face. The Irons stood still for a moment until one man stepped forward, a red mask over his face so that he could breath easily in the mist. Even with the mask on she knew who it was. “Meeran,” she said, holding up her ice covered hands and stepping into a fighting stance.

“Hawke,” he said, his voice muffled by his mask. “It’s been a while. Got to say, I never expected us to be on opposing sides. You had so much potential. I was thinking of grooming you to take over someday, you know. Tell you what… you walk away and leave this guard to us and I’ll take you back into the fold. Make you my protege. What do you say?”

“Piss off.”

He clicked his tongue and shrugged. “Oh well. At least I tried. Kill the guard. Leave the mage to me.”

Meeran raised his dual swords and came at her faster than she could keep up with her eyes. He was quick, for an old man. She brought up her ice daggers in front of her face just in time for them clash with Meeran’s steel. His momentum pushed them back around the building in the middle of the alley and, when she brought up her foot and kicked him away, she could no longer see Aveline. She leapt into the air and spun around once, holding her daggers out to her side. One grazed Meeran’s arm, slicing cleanly through his shirt and leaving a thin line of blood, but when she came to a stop and brought her other arm around he blocked it with his sword.

“I don’t want to kill you, Meeran,” she hissed before bringing up her foot and kicking him across the face, knocking off his mask.

“That’s not like you,” he said, grinning through bloodied teeth. He spit some blood onto the ground and wiped his mouth with the back of his gloved hand. “Since when do you not want to kill? It’s that guard, she’s making you soft.”

She gave a battle cry and formed the ice on her left hand into a hammer and brought it down hard on his shoulder. He cried out as he was knocked to the ground and dropped his sword but he spun around before she could take advantage of his fall and leapt to his feet, holding his remaining sword in front of him. There was a distant look in his eyes and she suddenly realized that he had been breathing in the mist.

“Meeran, you have to leave,” she said. She tried to remain calm as she reformed the ice on her right arm into a shield and the ice on her left into a longsword. “If you stay in this mist any longer you  _ will _ die.”

His only response was to come at her, slashing and stabbing with his sword. He grew more and more frustrated every time she dodged and blocked him until he managed to break through the ice shield and pierced her right through the shoulder. She gasped in pain as he pushed on it until it came out the other side. He used the sword as leverage to push her onto her knees.

“Die,” he mumbled, his voice low and gravelly. His eyes were getting wider and more crazed. “Die, die, die!”

There was a high pitched yell from behind Meeran and then a heavy thunk as he was hit upside the head by a wooden shield. His hand fell from the sword as he tumbled to the side. When he fell, Aveline stepped up in his place and hurriedly kneeled by BJ’s side.

“Are you alright? Can you hold on until we can get you to a healer? We shouldn’t pull that sword out, you might bleed out before we can get you come help.”

“The latches...” she gasped to breathe and reached up to tug Bethany’s scarf from around her mouth. She was breathing in the mist but she needed air. “The latches to the barrels are in my sack. Close them. Hurry.”

Aveline nodded and pulled them out, taking off quickly. Time seemed to slow down around her as her vision got wobbly and she was steadily getting angrier and angrier. With her mind foggy, she looked around for a weapon and could only see the one sticking through her. She grasped the blade with both hands and barely felt it as it bit into the flesh of her palm. She was about to tug it out when suddenly the green in the air faded away and so did the cloud in her mind.

Aveline was back in front of her a few seconds later and gently pried her hands from around the blade. “The barrels are neutralized. Let’s call in Mason and get this area cleaned-”

A gate at the far end of the alley crept open and a blonde elf ran through, followed by more Red Irons. Aveline stood and stepped back into a fighting stance. 

The elf sneered at them and then seemed surprise when her eyes landed on BJ’s face. “Is that… BJ Hawke? You have enemies. I’m glad it’s you really.” She frowned and looked around at the dead people on the ground. “Oh, these poor people. You are a much better target.”

BJ frowned and leaned heavily against the wall behind her. “Let’s just get this over with. What have you got against the Qunari?”

“Qunari take my people. My siblings forget their culture and then go to the Qun for purpose. We’re losing them twice! So I get some help from your people. Steal the Qunari Thunder, make some accidents and make them hated. But this… this is all wrong.”

“Which of  _ my people _ put you up to the theft?”

“It can still work,” she said, instead of answering. “They’re hidden in your city! They’ll enrage the people and make sure the Qunari are blamed. Me? I’m finished. I just need a few more bodies… A few more- urck!”

Before she finished speaking, BJ threw out a hand and sent lightning through her and through her guards. They all convulsed before falling to the cobbles, dead. “Alright. This isn’t over. Take me to Darktown.”

Aveline helped her to her feet. “You couldn’t have done that to him?” she asked, looking back at Meeran. “You seemed to struggle a lot against him, why didn’t you just…”

BJ shrugged and then winced in pain from the movement. “I didn’t want to kill  _ him _ . I don’t have a lot of spells meant to incapacitate or else I would have used one. That was more Bethany’s department.”

Aveline frowned. “Your old boss, right? Did you care about him?”

BJ snorted and looked back at his unconscious body over her shoulder. “No, I didn’t care about him. I owed him my family’s lives. Now we’re even. Next time he comes at me with a weapon I won’t be so nice about it.”

 

Aveline rushed her to Darktown with the sword still hanging out of her shoulder. There was a line outside Anders’ clinic but they moved out of the way when the two woman came barrelling down the hall. “Healer!” Aveline called as she lowered BJ into a chair near the door.

The blonde mage was standing over by an occupied bed, leaning over an unconscious old woman. He gave a kind smile to the woman’s companion and walked swiftly over. “What happened?”

“I have a sword in my shoulder, what the hell do you think, blondie!” BJ snapped.

Aveline winced and gave Anders a beseeching look. “Please don’t be offended, she’s just in a lot of pain.”

Anders sighed and kneeled down beside her. “Don’t worry, I’m used to it. I’m dating her brother.”

“Oh, so you’re Anders then? I’m Aveline.”

“I’ve heard a lot about you, it’s a pleasure.”

“Enough with the talkie-talk,” BJ said loudly. “You’re a healer, heal me.” Aveline glared at her and BJ rolled her eyes. “Please.”

Anders stood and grabbed the hilt with both hands. He put his foot on BJ’s chest and pressed against it to get enough leverage to pull the sword out as she screamed. He tossed the sword to the side and his hands glowed blue as he ran them over the skin. Aveline watched in fascination as the muscle and skin knitted back together. “You’ll want to be easy on that arm for a few days. The sword cracked your shoulder blade, it’s gonna need some time to set.”

“Can’t. There are some people threatening the city, trying to blame Qunari. Just do what you can, we need to move before they try again.” She tried to stand but Anders gripped her injured shoulder and pushed her back down.

“Hold on. There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about. I know that you’d never come here willingly, so while you’re a captive audience… Things just keep getting worse. I had Templars practically at my doorstep the other night. It’s not like this place is a secret. It’s only a matter of time.”

“Have you talked to Mal about this? Considering he’s the twin who would, you know, care?”

Anders sighed. “He suggested locking me in the mansion to keep them off me. But I told him, they’re not so much interested in me as… destroying my kind…” he paused and looked at BJ. “Our kind and all we represent. The Knight Commander is out of control. Even her own people have been talking about it. The curfews, the midnight raids on known mage families, everyone I know forced into hiding so they won’t be made tranquil…”

“For as long as Mal loves you, if they want you they’ll have to come through me.”

Anders blinked at her, surprised. He opened his mouth once to speak, then closed it again and cleared his throat. “You’re at as much risk as I am. That’s why I worry. If they come for you… What if your money and position aren’t enough? What if the Knight Commander turns on your family? If anything happened to Mal…”

“I won’t let that happen.”

“I would drown us in blood to keep him safe.”

BJ nodded and gave him a proud look. “On that, at least, we agree.”

“Then work with me. This is your fight too. Someday, the world must see us as people, not just as mages. Help me make that happen.” BJ sighed and looked away but he continued. “Have you been to the Gallows recently? Seen all the Tranquil?” She nodded. Every day there was a new one. “Selling their bloody wares. Good mages too, mages I know passed their Harrowing.”

“That can’t be,” Aveline said, speaking for the first time since Anders began. “Chantry law says they can’t make Mages tranquil if they’ve passed the Harrowing.”

“They’re using the Rite to silence those who speak against them. They’re working on a deliberate plan to turn every mage in Kirkwall within the next three years.” His eyes got hard. “Including Bethany.”

“I will burn them to the ground if they touch her,” BJ hissed through clenched teeth.

“There are groups in Kirkwall who help those fleeing the circle. I’ve talked to the people inside. The plan is the work of a Templar named Sir Alrik. I’ve had a run in with him myself. He’s the one who did the Rite on my friend, three years ago. Nasty piece of work. Likes to make Mages beg.”

“Could your friends get Bethany out?”

Anders sighed and shook his head. “I asked them and they spoke to her. She wasn’t interested. But they know a way inside. Come with me tonight to find evidence of Ser Alrik’s ‘Tranquil Solution’. Then you can use that entrance another time to rescue Bethany.”

“Did you ask Mal? Is he on board?”

Anders looked away. “I didn’t want to bring this to him. If this goes wrong, there’s a chance I won’t return. He would want to come with me.”

“If you die on my watch he will never forgive me.”

He looked back at her and smirked. “Then you better not let me die.” He sighed and ran a hand through his longer hair. He had grown it out a bit since she’d last seen him. “He is the one bright light in Kirkwall. He is why I’m doing this.”

BJ breathed heavily through her nose before grunting. “You should know something. I’ve never told anyone, not even Mal. The only person who knew was my father. In the event that I’m about to be made tranquil…” She pulled up the end of her shorts to show off a scarred sigil, carved into her thigh years ago and turning white with age. Anders gasped and looked up at her with concerned eyes. She shook her head. “It’s a last resort. My father made me promise not to use it until they have me strapped to the table, but if there’s a chance I could be made tranquil, I will use it. It’s highly localized but if you’re with me there a chance you could get caught in the blast.”

Anders nodded solemnly. “If we were about to be made tranquil, I would sooner welcome death.”

“Wait,” Aveline said, shaking her head. “Are you trying to tell me that that sigil will explode?”

“If I’m about to be made tranquil and I say the call word, it will turn elements in my body into a highly localized explosive and ignite, taking me and all the Templars around me with it. I made it when I was eight after my father explained to me what it meant to be made tranquil. I decided that I would sooner die.” She smiled fondly and ran a finger over it. “He was so mad at me when he saw it.”

Anders stood then and crossed his arms. “I’m ready to go when you are.”

“Tonight then. But first Aveline and I have some unfinished business.”

 

“So,” the Arishok started after BJ finished her explanation. “I was wrong about our thief.”

“It would appear so.”

“They say we were careless with our trap, that this is our fault. But even without the Saar-qamek there would have been death. This elf was determined to lay blame at our feet. I admire conviction with a focus. But your kind are truly committed to weakness.”

“And you are truly committed to overgeneralization.” Aveline elbowed her for the second time since they’d arrived and BJ frowned. “Regardless, she seemed to think you were stealing her people.”

“We accept those who submit to the Qun. The weak naturally seek the strong. It doesn’t matter. We did not come equipped to indoctrinate. I am here to satisfy a demand you cannot understand.”

“You have been here for a long time.”

“It will take as long as needed. No ship is coming. There is no rescue from duty to the Qun. I am stuck here, same as you. Filth stole from us! Not now, not the saar-qamek, years ago. A single act of greed has trapped me.” He stood and took a single step down to the next stair below. “We are all denied Par Vollen until I alone recover what was lost under my command. That is why that elf and her shadows are unimportant. That is why I do not simply walk from this rotted city. Fixing your mess is not the demand of the Qun and you should all be grateful!” Aveline took a step back and put her hand on her weapon, but BJ didn’t flinch from where she stood. She and the Arishok locked eyes and stared at one another for a tense second, neither willing to admit defeat and turn away. In the end, it was the Arishok and turned and sat back down, his calm mask once again pulled over his face. “Thank you, human, for your service. Leave.”

BJ shrugged and turned to do just that. “Very well. But should the will of the Qun change someday, know that I will be waiting, and you will be sorry. Let’s go, Aveline.”


	24. Chapter 24

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

BJ sighed heavily as she walked into the Hanged Man. It had been a long day and her shoulder still smarted so she made her way over to the bar. She waved at the tender and was instantly handed a mug of ale. She took a swig of it before walking upstairs towards Varric’s office/bedroom.

He was talking to someone in hushed tones when she walked in but smiled at her when he saw her, speaking louder. “Just tell me if you hear more rumblings from the coterie about protection. Blondie’s got enough trouble.” The man nodded and walked passed her out of the room. He sighed and hopped up into his desk chair and she took the seat across from him, drinking more of her ale despite the sour twist of his lips. He cleared his throat before speaking. “Let me ask you something, Beej,” he started. “You made it into Hightown, I’d expect anyone else to get complacent but you…” he smiled softly. “You must have plans.”

She shrugged. “No plans right now. Just... trying to look out for the family I have left.”

“Still no news from Carver?” He asked. She shook her head. “What about Bethany? You were planning that rescue for months and then… nothing.”

“We got a letter from Bethany about three months after she was taken. She knew we’d be planning a rescue and told us not to bother. She liked it there.” She sneered. “Mal believes it, made me back off. I still think it’s a trick. Bethany couldn’t possibly be happy there.”

He shrugged. “I don’t know, she was always the academic. Maybe it’s the books. To be honest, I asked because I thought Mal was going to go back to Ferelden when things settled down. Does he have any plans?”

“It’s still his plan to go back. Someday. He has this crazy idea that he needs to take care of me, so he’s putting it off.”

“Well, we could all use a little caring for now and then.”

“Not me.”

He smirked and pat her hand, condescendingly. “If you say so, Mama-Hawke.”

She rolled her eyes at the nickname and finished off her first pint of the night.

 

“This is it,” Anders said as he lead BJ to the entrance of the tunnel. It was unassuming enough, hidden farther back in Darktown than even Smuggler’s Cut. “It tells you something of Kirkwalls attitude, that they house their mages in an old slave’s prison.”

BJ started down into the tunnel. “Don’t lecture me, Blondie, I’m not here to fight for your crusade. The only reason I’m helping you with this is for Bethany.”

“I’ll take whatever I can get at this point.”

They were quiet for a while, with Anders only speaking when he needed to direct BJ down a particular tunnel. “This place is a labyrinth for a reason,” he said solemnly. 

“Will there be guards? Templars?” She asked as they got closer to the end of the tunnel.

“Possibly. There’s no patrol scheduled down here until tomorrow, but my source is over a week old, they could have changed it. Coterie is most likely, they use these tunnels for smuggling, but you’re friends with them so- shhhh….”

There were voices up ahead, BJ heard them at the same time Anders did.

“No! Please! I haven’t done anything wrong!”

BJ stepped forward quickly and quietly and peered around the doorframe. There as a young woman in mage robes, backed against a wall by three templars. When Anders saw the face of the one in front and squeezed BJ’s arm, she knew that that was Ser Alrik.

“That’s a lie. What do we do to mages who lie?” His voice and words were sinister and anger boiled in BJ’s belly.

“I just wanted to see my mum… No one ever told her where they were taking me.”

Anders stepped forward out of the shadows and started to glow blue before BJ’s eyes. He seemed to rein himself in just as Ser Alrik began speaking again.

“So, you admit your attempted escape? You know what happens to mage girls who don’t toe the line around here. Don’t you?”

“Please no! Don’t make me tranquil!” She gasped as she fell to her knees. “I’ll do anything!”

“That’s right. Once you’re tranquil, you’ll do anything I-”

BJ stepped up next to Anders and sent a sonic wave towards the Templars that knocked them off their feet. “How dare you!” she screamed. “How dare you take advantage of young women! I will end you right here!”

Anders flared up blue again and she suddenly recognized the energy coming off of him. He was an abomination. “You fiends will never touch a mage again!” The sound came from his mouth but the voice that spoke was not his.

“Kill them!” Ser Alrik exclaimed. The Templars got to their feet but Anders held up his hand and a stream of blue light obliterated them where they stood so that only Ser Alrik was left. Fear entered the templar’s eyes for perhaps the first time in a very long time.

“They will die!” ‘Anders’ said. 

BJ moved forward and pressed her arm under Ser Alrik’s chin, holding him up against the wall. If she were not so short it might have been more threatening. “You will die here and now, you monster. Slowly and painfully.” She pressed her fingers against his abdomen and, with the help of ice around her fingertips, sliced open the skin of his chest and pressed forward around the bones of his rib cage until she had sliced through his aorta. She pulled her fingers out and let him drop to the ground. He tried to speak but she walked away and paid him no further mind. He would be dead before they left the chamber.

Anders was still glowing blue and she turned on him next, standing between him and the girl.

“Get away from me, demon!” The young mage exclaimed through tears.

“I am no demon! Are you one of them, that you would call me such?”

“Anders!” she exclaimed. “She is a mage, you rescued her. We rescued her, that’s why this happened! If you take one step towards her I will kill you myself!”

“She is theirs! I can feel their hold on her!”

“She’s the reason you’re fighting, Anders. Don’t turn on her now!”

Anders held up his arms and the blue glow got brighter. BJ grabbed the girl’s abandoned staff off the ground and swung it until it bashed him in the side, sending him stumbling off the left. He didn’t fall, but that seemed to be enough for the real Anders to regain control. He struggled for a moment until the blue faded. BJ looked back at the girl and waved towards the exit. She didn’t say a word before bolting to freedom.

“Maker, no,” Anders said, falling to his own knees in despair. “If you hadn’t… I would have…”

“I would never have let that happen. I would have killed you first.” She sneered. “I may kill you yet. You are an abomination, and I have allowed you to get so close to my brother. How could I have been so blind?”

Anders was breathing deeply as he got to his feet. “I have to get out of here,” he turned heel and ran.

BJ watched him go, still seething. She had a few choice words for her brother at home.

 

When she arrived home, Bodahn was awaiting her as usual, to give her the news of the day. “Ah! Serah Hawke. Your mother wished to speak to you, I believe she has a new list of potential suitors. You also received several letters, I believe the mail carrier has gotten over her fear of you and has started delivering to the house again. Your friend Aveline was here earlier, she said that she knew you were out and left you a message, there on the desk. Your brother-”

“Where is my brother?” she interrupted, glaring at nothing in particular.

Bodahn seemed put off by her hostility. “In the library, messere. He is working on a love letter for Anders, I believe.” 

She stomped passed him and into the library. She could hear her brother muttering to himself in the upper loft and her footsteps were heavy as she made her way up. He looked up at her when she reached him and grinned. “Good, you’re here, I was wondering if you could tell me how this sounds: I-”

“Why didn’t you tell me about Anders?” she said, her voice deceptively even.

Mal frowned and sighed, turning away from the desk and standing to face her. “You met Justice, then?”

“Is that what he calls it? That  _ thing _ inside of him? And you knew about it, all this time? How long?”

“Since that night at the chantry with his friend from the circle.”

“Since the beginning then? And you kept it from me. Why? Because you had a crush on him? Was it love at first sight that made you betray me?”

“Betray? I never betrayed you!”

“He has slept in this house! He is the reason that the Templars exist, him and people like him. They’re the reason that Templars take innocent mages like Bethany, just in case they turn out to be the kind of people who make deals with demons like Anders did.”

“Justice isn’t a demon!” he insisted. “He’s a spirit that’s bound to Anders, he benevolent.”

“He wasn’t tonight. He tried to kill a young mage just after he killed several Templars to save her. That thing inside of him is not Justice, justice wouldn’t have demanded that she be killed. He’s either a fool or he has lied to you. If he comes near you again I will kill him.”

He shook his head vigorously and stepped up in front of her. “No, you can’t do that! He is not responsible for what happened to Bethany!”

“Maybe not directly, but she was taken because of people like him!”

“Maybe she was taken because of people like you!” He seemed to regret the words the moment they left his mouth. “Wait, no-”

“Is that what you’ve been thinking all this time, has this hatred been growing inside of you all these years?”

“No, I didn’t mean to say that, I don’t blame you.”

“It sure sounded like you do.” When Mal didn’t respond she bit her lip and turned away from him. “That man,” she started, changing the subject back to Anders. “...is dangerous. I will not…” She sighed and crossed her arms. “I will not forbid you to see him.” Mal looked up at her hopefully. “It’s not my place, you’re your own man and I should allow you to make your own life. But I will be watching him and if he puts a single other toe out of line or if I suspect that your life may be in danger… I will not allow you to die over him.” She turned before he could respond and stalked out of the house, passed her mother trying to get her attention and passed the stack of letters she had allowed to accumulate on her desk.

It had started to rain when she stepped outside and she headed to the bar for the second time that evening.

 

Mal found Anders in his clinic, sorting through a box at his feet. “Trash, trash, keep… trash… Won’t be needing that anymore.”

“Throwing everything out isn’t going to make you feel better,” Mal said sadly.

“Should I feel better?” Anders didn’t seem surprised to find him there as he stood and turned around. “I suspect your sister told you what happened?”

“Not everything. Just that Justice made an appearance and he wasn’t particularly… just.”

“She was the only thing that kept me from murdering an innocent girl. It’s all gone wrong. Justice and I... we’re just a monster, same as any abomination.”

“I don’t believe that. I don’t believe that you would have hurt that girl. No matter what Justice was saying, you knew in your heart that it wasn’t right, that you had to stop.”

Anders chuckled humorlessly. “You have too much faith in me,” he said, as he lost all tension in his arms. “How can I fight for the freedom of mages when I am the example of what that freedom brings.”

“Now you’re just letting BJ get into your head, forget what she says.”

“She didn’t say that to me, I ran before she could say anything. But we’re clearly of like mind in this matter if she said as much to you. Has she forbidden you from seeing me?”

“She wanted to, but she didn’t. She knew it wouldn’t work.”

“I can’t trust myself around you. I can’t even trust myself to heal anymore. What if that.. creature of vengeance turns on a patient? On you? Will he... Will I resist? Or will I loose his fury?”

“I believe in you. I will not abandon you now. And I do not believe that you would allow someone in your charge to be hurt and I will never believe that you could hurt me.”

“You’re too trusting, I’ve no idea where you get that from. Certainly not your sister.” Anders suddenly looked thoughtful. “Maybe I should talk to the Grand Cleric. Maybe she’s more reasonable than I thought. Will you go with me?”

Mal smiled and leaned forward to press a gentle kiss on his mouth. “Always.” Anders smiled against his lips and slipped an arm around his shoulders.


	25. Chapter 25

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

“Tell me,” Fenris said, his voice rough and loud in her ears. “Have you never wanted to return to Ferelden?”

BJ sighed and laid back on his bed. “Never. There is no home there for me to return to.”

“The Blight is long over. You could rebuild what you lost. Do you truely not want to?”

“It’s not about want. If I went back… saw the ashes of my home, found the darkened bones of my father, considered for a moment what could have been if we had not been forced to leave… I would cry.” She grunted and sat up just long enough to take a swig of wine before laying her head back down. “And I can’t do that.”

He chuckled. “Still. To have the option must be gratifying.”

“Do you intend to live here forever?” He had decorated the mansion to his own tastes a bit over the years, mainly to install wine racks in the bedroom and hang curtains to keep the outside world from seeing in.

He shrugged. “It’s as good as any other place. I would return home if I could but… I would first need to figure out what home was.”

She raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean? Do you not remember where you grew up?”

He brushed his fingers along the tattoo on his neck. “I do not have a single memory from before I received this… Whether that was by design or a side effect of the procedure, I’ll never know. He always finds me because of them. It will not be long now until he tries again. I will not ask for your help when that happens.”

She hummed. “And if he does not try again?”

“Then I will go to him. I will not live with a wolf at my back.”

“I would go with you.”

He shook his head. “I would not ask that of you.”

“Then do not. I will offer.”

“I would turn such an offer aside. I will not risk taking you to Minrathous, it will be too dangerous.”

She laughed drunkenly. “You almost sound as if you’ve fallen in love with me.”

“I would not dare,” he teased. 

“I would not be opposed if you did.”

His smile slowly fell. “You’re a beautiful woman, Hawke. You are unlike any woman I’ve ever met.”

“You haven’t met very many women. They’re not all that different.”

 

She was humming when she came in through the front door but her mood instantly soured when she saw her mother standing in front of the fire with a long list. “Oh good,” the older Hawke woman said. “I was just going over this list of suitors one last time. I’ve gone through all the gifts and love letters you’ve received and weeded out the undesirables.”

“Mother,” BJ said, exasperated. “I’m not interested in getting married.”

“Well, I’m not saying you have to get married this spring, but at least meet some of these people. Then you can get married next spring! The youngest daughter of the Yeamen family, Odette, is reportedly very beautiful and quite an accomplished flute player.”

BJ needed this conversation to end now. “So she’s talented with her mouth, good to know.”

Leandra gasped and held her hand to her chest. “Bernadette! How vulgar!”

“Mother please, you’re essentially looking at a list of people you want me to consider having sex with for the rest of my life.”

The older woman sighed laboriously and threw the list to the ground. “Is it too much to want to watch one of my children get married before I die? I have four, that should be at least a 25% chance.”

“Mal wants to get married. Where’s his list?”

She hummed, pulling a second list out of the pocket of her apron. “He was much harder to make a list for, his interest in only men cut the amount of eligible suitors in half and the amount of men interested in men in return cuts it in half again. Plus he’s also involved with that blond homeless man, so it’s only a theoretical list. For now anyway. But the Halberns have a set of identical twin men only slightly older than you two. Wouldn’t it be just the sweetest if you each married one of them?”

“The Halbern twins? Mother, they’re almost forty. In what world is thirteen years considered only slightly older?”

“In Hightown, my dear. Consider yourself lucky, Jennifer Tolsan’s mother arranged for her to marry a man thirty years her senior.”

“That’s disgusting, he should be ashamed of himself for agreeing to such a farce.” 

“You’re telling me there’s not a single person in this entire town that you could imagine yourself getting married to?”

She thought about Fenris for a moment. Maybe never marriage but she could be happy with him, if she tried. Romance didn’t come easy to her like it did to Mal. Mal loved love and it seemed almost effortless for him. He loved with the same ease in which he breathed. The few times she had given love a go in her youth she had had to try hard. She had to force herself to say things, badger herself to do things, she couldn’t even give her partners a kiss goodbye without psyching herself up ahead of time. She shook her head. No. Marriage wasn’t in the cards for her.

There was a knock at the door that interrupted their conversation, thankfully. BJ made her way over and pulled it open, glaring at the mail carrier. “What?”

The young woman flinched. “Serah Hawke, I have a delivery for your mother.”

“Oh, my flowers!” Leandra said excitedly. “Bring them in, dear girl.”

The mail carrier picked the potted flowers up off the ground and slowly crept passed BJ who was standing intimidatingly in the doorway. She sat the flowers on the desk and hurriedly ran back out with her tip. BJ shut the door and walked over the see the white flowers as her mother fawned over them.

“You ordered flowers?”

“No, someone sent them to me.”

“Someone sent you flowers? Who?”

“I don’t know his name, he’s a secret admirer. He’s sent me flowers everyday for the last two weeks and I transplant them into my garden out back. Always the same type of flower but with a different note each time.”

“That’s creepy. What does the note say?”

Leandra plucked the note from the pot and stuffed it into her corset. “It’s private.”

“Don’t think I won’t go in there for it, Mother, it’s nothing I haven’t seen.”

Leandra scurried away with the flowers in her arms. “My sweet little girl has become so vulgar! Where did you get that from, it certainly wasn’t from me!”

 

Late that afternoon she made her way to the Gallows with Merrill and Varric in tow. Emeric was easy to spot, sitting on the stairs and looking over papers in his lap like a madman. BJ sighed, suddenly remembering him. 

“Hello there, Emeric,” she said, stopping on the stair below him.

He jumped and threw his pen back over his head. “Hawke! I’m glad you’re here!” BJ raised an eyebrow. No one had said that to her in a very long time. “Over the past few years I’ve been continuing my investigation into the deaths of Ninette, Marian, and the other women. I believe I finally have a suspect. A man named Gaspard Du Puis. When I became sure of his guilt I went to the city guard and demanded they do something. The guards raided his mansion and found nothing. They were forced to apologize and I was reprimanded. Meredith forbade me from continuing my investigation. But she didn’t say I couldn’t seek outside help.”

“What do you know about Du Puis?”

“He’s a recluse, rarely seen except for the yearly ball he throws in honor of his late sister. He knew two of the murdered women and made inquiries about the others. It cannot be a coincidence.”

BJ sighed and scratched behind her ear. “I don’t know. Seems kind of flimsy to me.”

Merrill stepped up beside her. “Shouldn’t we at least talk to this De Paul fellow?”

“Du Puis, Daisy, that wasn’t even close.”

Merrill continued right on along. “Yes, right, Dep Wow, we should talk to him. If he is innocent we can look elsewhere but maybe we could stop this villian from hurting more women?”

It was impossible to resist the young elf’s wide, pleading eyes, so BJ grunted and nodded. “Sure. Let’s go talk to him.”

The sun went down on their walk over. It always got dark so early this time of year. The arrived at the Du Puis mansion and BJ walked up to the dark and knocked heavily. After a minute with no answer she knocked again, harder, and the door unlatched and drifted open. There was no one on the other side.

“Uhhh…” Varric started. “That’s how every horror story I’ve ever written started.” They stepped inside and there was a scream from upstairs. “And that’s how every murder mystery I’ve ever written started.”

The three heroes took off up the stairs and down the hall where they’d heard the scream. There was another scream that directed them to the room and BJ kicked open the locked door. She recognized Gascard instantly. He was standing next to a kneeling woman, sobbing desperately at his feet.

“Help Me! Please! He’s gone mad!” she begged.

Gascard turned around and his eyes widened. “Serah Hawke… you’re not him. Shit, I- I know what this looks like, but I didn’t hurt her!”

BJ stomped towards him and held him up against the wall. “Do you take me for a fool, Du Puis?”

“N-No, I didn’t mean… I don’t know why you’re here, but there’s a killer out there! And I think he’s playing us both. Just let me explain!”

“Talk then! Quickly, before I get bored of your excuses.”

Varric chuckled behind her. “Twenty silver if he says ‘It wasn’t me, it was the one armed man’.”

“Several years ago,” Gascard started, as if Varric didn’t speak. “...my sister was murdered. The bastard is here again, killing women the same way he killed my sister. It starts with a bouquet of white lilies. He sends them to each victim. Alessa was going to be next. I took her so that he’d have to come to me! I was finally going to face my sister’s killer, but… then you showed up.”

“He’s lying!” Alessa screamed from the floor. “He hurt me!”

“I told you! I needed your blood to track you down if he took you! It was for your protection.” He turned back to BJ. “It was just a prick of the finger, honest.”

BJ looked at Merrill over her shoulder. “Blood tracking?”

She nodded. “Oh yes, it is the most efficient way of tracking through blood magic. A few drops is all you need. Even old blood will work, although fresh is best.”

Alessa didn’t seem to want to hear. “Let me go!” she screamed as she scrambled to her feet and ran away. “You’re all mad!”

“She’ll go straight to the city guard! They’ll ruin everything!”

Varric shrugged. “Aveline did say she’d take care of it if anything came up. Maybe we should just leave this to her?”

“No! I don’t want him arrested. This isn’t about justice. I want to be the one to bleed him dry.”

Merrill fidgeted in place. “That’s more than a little bit creepy, you know. Even for me.”

BJ let Gascard go and pushed him onto his knees. “Who is this man that’s killing women?”

“A very powerful blood mage. I believe that he uses the women for some kind of ritual. They’re all healthy, well-to-do women with few social ties.”

“And where is he?”

“I don’t know! That’s the point, can’t you see? I needed him to come to me!”

BJ sighed and crouched down to look him in the face. “You will be going to jail for kidnapping. I will tell the Guard Captain what you told me and hopefully I can keep her from pressing murder charges, but you did kidnap a young woman and she is going to tell on you. Rest assured that I will find this killer and give him my own special brand of justice. I’ll even bleed him dry, just for your sister.”

Gascard sighed and all the tension in his body released at once. “I suppose that is the best I can hope for. So long as he is dead, I do not care what happens to me.”

Aveline arrived several minutes later with two other guards. She directed the guards to arrest Gascard and then walked over to where BJ stood with Varric and Merrill.

“I suppose I owe Emeric an apology. He was right all along.”

“No he wasn’t,” BJ said, leaning back against the wall. “Gascard kidnapped the girl to set a trap for the killer. He’s been investigating the murders just like Emeric but he’s been better at it.”

Aveline blinked in surprise. “You're telling me he’s innocent?”

“Of murder? Probably. But he absolutely kidnapped that girl. Lock him up for that, keep him contained while I try to find the real killer. If the killings stop… we have our answer.”


	26. Chapter 26

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

BJ and Merrill arrived home shortly afterwards. Varric had gone back to the bar and Aveline had taken Gascard to the State House for processing. She was surprised to hear voices when she stepped inside.

“Enchantment?” Sandal asked, his voice carefree.

“No! Not enchantment! Leandra!”

BJ hurried into the main room with Merrill close on her heels. “Uncle? What are you doing here? Don’t yell at Sandal, he’s trying his best.” She knew that her mother had recently started meeting with Gamlen to reconcile but she hadn’t seen him herself since that night they were let into the city.

“Enchantment!”

Gamlen sighed in relief. “There you are! Where’s your mother?”

“Ms. Leandra?” Merrill asked. “If she’s not in the house she’s usually in the garden.”

“Why are you so upset, Uncle?”

“Your mother didn’t show up for our weekly visit. Is she ill? She is here, isn’t she?”

“No, Gamlen,” Bodahn said, entering the room as he wipes his hands on a towel. “We haven’t seen her since early this morning.”

“Where could she be?”

“With her suitor, perhaps?”

BJ crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. “That secret admirer?”

Merrill grinned and clapped her hands. “Oooh, the one sending her those beautiful lilies?”

BJ blinked and spun to face her friend. “Wait, what kind of flowers are they? The white ones.”

“Lilies, of course.”

BJ felt her heart stop in her chest and for a moment she couldn’t breathe. “No. No, they’re not lilies.”

“Yes they are. They’re white- oh!”

The gears started turning faster in BJ’s mind. “I need- I need blood. Bodahn, when you were sorting laundry this morning did you find anything with my mother’s blood?”

“Her garden gloves, my lady. She pricked herself on her rose bushes. What do you need-”

“Bring them to me now!” She turned swiftly to Merrill. “Can you track her? Like Du Puis was going to do with Alessa?”

Merrill nodded sharply. “Of course.”

When Bodahn returned with the glove, Merrill turned it out to find the blood. It was on the inside of the pointer finger. She spoke a few quiet words of elvish and then gasped. “I know where she is.”

“Tell me, and then I want you to go to Darktown, tell Mal and Anders what’s going on and then all of you meet me there. Bodahn, I want you to go to Aveline and fill her in. We have to catch this monster before he hurts her.”

 

BJ arrived alone at the foundry. It was midnight by now, she could only hope she wasn’t too late. She quiet pushed the door open and slipped through, careful not to let it clang when it closed. Inside was dark and there was a… wrongness in the air that made her feel sick. There was blood on the ground, not her mother's, it was older than that, a few days at least. She followed the trail of blood into the back of the building and it stopped at a trap door. As she moved around in the moonlight, she realized that she had been here before. This was where she’d found that missing lady’s hand all those years ago. It must be his base.

She quietly opened the trap door and lowered herself inside. She kept to the shadows, crouching as low as she could but moved as swiftly as her stealth would allow. As she got farther inside the air got thick with rot and it took every ounce of self-control she had not to gag. She pulled Bethany’s scarf up over her nose and mouth to keep the worst of it out.

She paused when there was a glint of light in her peripherals and she crawled over to pick up. It was a locket. Her mother’s locket. She clutched the locket to her chest and then stuffed it into her pocket. She had to move quickly.

A few yards ahead she came upon what looked to be… a study.

“Does he live here?” she mumbled to herself, flipping idly through his papers. A few pages caught her eye. “Necromantic rituals? Why does he have these? What is he planning?” She looked up at a painting on the wall and gasped. “It’s… Mother.” Obviously, it couldn't be her mother, the painting was decades old, but the woman in it could be her mother’s twin. “I need to find her… Now!”

She started moving forward again, quicker with less regard for her stealth. She entered a large chamber at the end of the hall and gasped.

There was a man there, old and graying. If a decrepit house was a person, it would be this person. He was kneeling next to a chair and stood when she entered.

“I was wondering when you would show up.” He said in a voice that sent shivers down her body. “Leandra was so sure you’d come for her.”

“Where is she?!”

“You will never understand my purpose! Your mother was chosen because she was special. And now she is part of something… greater.”

“I don’t care about your villain monologue! WHERE. IS. MY. MOTHER?” The walls around her shook and power swirled through her veins.

Someone stood from the chair and the face looking back at her was… her mother… but not.

It was her mother’s delicate cheekbones and the scar that she got in the fire was there, but those were not her mother’s eyes staring blankly at her and that was not her mother’s body.

The man laughed out loud. “I have touched the Maker’s face! I have done the impossible! My love, back from the dead! I pieced her together from memory! I searched far and wide to find you again, my Beloved! And now, no force on this Earth will depart- urgh!”

BJ stepped up behind him and stabbed him the back, before throwing him to the ground. “You monster…” she whispered, unable to take her eyes off her mother’s face. As the sounds of the man’s death gurgle died away, there was a sensuous voice from behind her.

“Oh, dear,” said the voice. BJ spun around. The Lust demon smirked at her. “My favorite plaything is dead. No matter, you look like so much fun.”

BJ shook her head and gently helped the woman with her mother’s face to sit back down on the chair. “Whatever you’re about to offer me, the answer is no. Leave before I make you.”

“You don’t want anything that I have to offer? What if I told you that I could save your mother? Heal the corruption from your brother’s blood. Bring your baby sister back to you.”

BJ paused and looked up. The demon took the shape of a naked woman, with long black hair. Just looking at her tempted BJ so much that she could hardly force herself to say no. And her words made it nearly impossible. “You could save them? All of them?”

“That and more, my lovely. You want to be together with them forever? I can do that. You want a farm full of crops and animals and dinner every night around that big dining table you built with your father, like the old days? I can give you that.”

“Bernadette,” croaked the woman in the chair.

BJ forgot about the demon’s promises and looked down at her. “Mother. It’s me… I’m here. I’m so sorry. I was too late.”

“I knew you would come for me.” Leandra reached up a shaky hand and laid her cold palm against her daughter’s face. “I have to… I have to tell…”

“Shhh, shh, it’s okay mother. Don’t speak.”

Leandra shook her head. “No, I have to tell you. You must know. I love you. You are my daughter in every way that matters and you always will be. I couldn’t be more proud of you if I had given birth to you myself.”

BJ felt every beat of her heart like a drum on her ribcage. “Mother, what do you mean? What are you saying?”

“You were not born from me. You are your father’s child of another woman. I don’t know who… I’m sorry I can’t tell you who your real mother is…”

“ _ You _ are my real mother. I don’t care about this woman. And Mal won’t either, I know-”

“Mal is mine. You are two months older than him.”

“You.. You mean… Mal isn’t my twin?” BJ found it hard to breathe. Everything she ever knew to be real was crashing down around her. Leandra slowly shook her head. “I don’t understand…”

“I don’t have much time, my dear. His magic was the only thing keeping this body alive. I wish I could tell you…” she coughed. “...everything. But in the time I have, I need to apologize to you.”

“What for? For not telling me?”

“No, for not being the mother you deserved. When you were young… I was jealous of this woman, your birth mother. I was so spiteful and I took it out on you. I was distant to you and I sent you away when you needed me. And I’m… I’m so sorry…” Her words faded away with her last breath and Leandra Amell Hawke died there in her daughter’s arms.

“Oh,” crowed the demon, suddenly behind her. BJ held her mother against her chest. “Poor little orphan girl. How does it feel, hmm? Knowing that the woman you called your mother has hated you since the day she first held you in her arms?”

“Go away demon!” she hissed, not looking back at it. “You will not get what you want from me!”

“Bernadette, save me,” said Leandra’s voice from the demon’s mouth. “BJ,” the voice now was Varric’s. “I love you, BJ. Please, I was a fool not to return your affections.” BJ’s breath stuttered at the words but she quickly reminded herself that it wasn’t real. It’s not real, it’s not real… “BJ,” said Bethany’s voice, full of fear. BJ gasped and looked back. The demon had taken the shape of her sister, crying on her knees. “BJ, please save me from this place. I’m so, so scared.” She blinked and it was Carver, glaring down at her. “How could you let this happen to me! You were supposed to protect me!” His veins turned black and his voice distorted until it was unrecognizable as human. “Look at me! Look at what you’ve done to me!”

“GO AWAY!” BJ screamed. It felt like every synap in her brain fired at once and the ends of her fingertips burned like she’d touched a hot stove.

She called up the deepest magic within her and suddenly there was a tornado of flame surrounding her. Her loose hair whipped around her face and the demon morphed back into the horned, purple skinned woman of the drawings she had seen as a child. It’s face was panicked as its body was quickly consumed in the torrent of fire. “What are you doing? No, stop this, you can’t- You can’t!” It screamed as it died and the room burned down around her. She lifted the woman in her arms and swiftly carried her out of the tunnels and then outside the Foundry. There was smoke coming up from the canal and the fire brigade had already arrived. She coughed and she could feel the ash sticking to his face but she moved out of their way and sat down in the alley with her mother at her feet. There was movement at the far end of the alley as her brother, Anders, and Merrill burst through the crowd, breathing deeply.

Mal stopped violently like he’d been hit, his eyes wide and disbelieving. “No,” he gasped, taking a single step forward before stopping again. “No, no!” he took off running towards them then and skidded to his knees beside his sister. “No, she’s not dead. Anders, is there…”

Anders stepped up and shook his head. “Her soul has already crossed the Veil, and even if it hadn’t there is not a body for me to put her in. That one isn’t viable.”

Mal brushed his fingers over his mother’s pale face and let out a dry sob before pressing his forehead against her cold one. There were no tears in his eyes when he finally looked up at BJ. “What happened?”

“That… That monster,” she hissed, glaring at the roaring flames. “He was trying to bring his dead lover back to life. He’s the one that has been killing women in Kirkwall. He used their body parts to piece her together. And Mother was the last piece he needed.”

Mal sniffled and reached up to gently clean the ash from her eyes with his sleeve. “Did uh.. Did she say anything? What were her last words?”

BJ cleared her throat to dislodge the frog that squat there. “She uh… Just that she loves you. And Bethany and Carver. Just that she loves her children.” She couldn’t tell Mal the truth of her birth. Not yet. Not now. She needed to come to terms with it herself first.

Anders walked over and kneeled on the cobbles, wrapping his arms around Mal from behind. Mal reached forward and took the dead woman’s hand. It wasn’t their mother’s hand, but it was all he had. “We should bury them,” he whispered. “In the family graveyard. We should get all the names of the women killed and bury them with mother.”

“We can’t… bury her like this. We’ll give the other pieces back to the families but we can’t bury Mother like this.”

“There are a dozen women in this body, Beej. They all deserve to be laid to rest with respect. Mother would think so too.”

BJ wiped her mouth, the soot tasted like destruction on her tongue, and nodded. “You're right, I know you’re right but… it’s hard to look at her. Those aren’t even her eyes.”

Anders kissed the top of Mal’s head and stood. “I’ll carry her back. Merrill, could you hand me that blanket?” Merrill nodded and walked to where the medics has set up their supplies across the way and Anders gently lifted Leandra from her oldest daughter’s arms. “You two should… do whatever it is that you need to do. We’ll make arrangements tomorrow.”


	27. Chapter 27

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

“Wine. Now,” BJ said when Fenris answered the door. She was still in the shirt stained with her mother’s blood when she pushed passed him into the foyer. “I need wine now.”

Fenris looked confused as he shut the door behind her. “What’s wrong? Why are you covered in soot?”

“What’s wrong is that I have a million thoughts in my head and they’re all buzzing at once and I just need them to shut up for five minutes. I need booze. All of it.”

“Hawke, you need to tell me what happened. Are you okay? Is Mal okay?”

“I’m fine! I’ve never been better!”

He raised an eyebrow skeptically. “Really? Because you’ve got the same look in your eye you get when you think about what happened to Carver. Did you hear from Carver?”

“No! Nothing is wrong! I just need to be drunk right now.”

Fenris sighed and shook his head. “I think that you just need to sit down and think about this.”

“I  _ am _ thinking! That’s the problem, I want to stop!”

“Something is obviously wrong and drinking isn’t going to fix it.”

“I’m not trying to fix it, nothing will fix it! My mother is dead and nothing in the world is going to fix it!”

Fenris frowned. “Oh, Hawke.”

“I didn’t come here for your pity. Are you going to give me alcohol or not?”

“No. Even if I wanted to you drank it all.”

BJ nodded. “Great, yes, thank you, goodbye, see you later.” She threw the front door back open and stormed out into the dark night. It was late enough (early enough?) for the Hanged Man to be closed. There was wine at the house but she didn’t want to go there. It wouldn’t be the same without her mother sneaking notes about eligible marriage candidates in every nook and cranny for her find.

She groaned and kicked a nearby abandoned bucket as hard as she could. It flew through the air and shattered when it hit the ground. “I have nothing,” she whispered, suddenly realizing. “I have no one. I did everything for my family, I lived for them but… what do I live for now?” This is what her father meant when he said that losing them would break her. It was true. She was broken. She felt too numb even to continue her hunt for alcohol. “I don’t even really know my birthday.”

The weeks without sleep caught up to her all at once. She leaned against the wall of a nearby mansion and slid to the ground with her eyes closed. She was asleep before she even hit the cobbles.

 

She was woken the next morning by water in her face. 

“Get up, you bum,” someone hissed before walking away.

BJ sputtered and swiped at her face with the back of her dry sleeve to clear her eyes and mouth. It didn’t smell like water. She coughed but forced herself to get up. It was bright out, mid morning maybe? She stumbled her way through Hightown and into Lowtown. The Hanged Man was unlocked so she let herself in.

“Who is it?” Varric called from up the stairs. BJ didn’t answer. Her voice gave out when she tried. She heard him get up and walk towards the stairs. When he came into view his eyes widened. “Beej?” he gasped, running down the stairs to gently take her hand. “What happened? You look like shit.”

“I need your help.”

“Of course. Anything. Come on up to the office, I think I still have some of your clothes here from the last time we played Wicked Grace.”

She snorted. “I’m so bad at that game. It’s a wonder I have any clothes left at all.” She followed him up to the office and sat on the bed to undress as he dug through a box at the far end of the room.

“I only have a shirt of yours,” he said. “And a pair of your brother’s pants. Just pull the belt tight, they’ll stay up.”

She was silent as she pulled on the pants, her small breasts bare. Before putting on the shirt she looked over at Varric and found him paying her little attention. Here she was, half naked in front of him and he was doing paperwork. She sat down in the chair across from him with the shirt in her lap and he looked up at her in surprise.

“This is never gonna happen, is it?” she asked, her voice steadier than her heart. “You’re not interested in me in the least.”

Varric sighed and sat his pen down. “Beej… I care about you. You know that I do.” He fiddled with the sleeve of his duster. “I’m in love with someone else. And, most likely, I always will be whether I want to be or not. And you could have anyone you wanted, you’re certainly not starved for that kind of attention.”

“But I don’t want any of them and I don’t ask for their attentions.” She tried to keep from getting frustrated, it’s not like Varric had any obligation to feel a certain way about her. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. In another life we would have been really good together. Just not in this one. And I’ll always be in your corner, no matter what.”

“Thanks. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.” She finally pulled her shirt over her head and pulled back her wet hair. “I just needed to know if I had a chance.” She took a deep breath to steel herself and finally said what she had come to say. “My mother died last night.”

“What happened?”

She huffed and pressed her thumbs against her closed eyes until she saw spots. “She was murdered by the guy Du Puis was after. I was too late to save her. My mother is dead and I was too late. My brother was corrupted by Darkspawn because of my carelessness. My sister, taken to the circle because I wasn’t there to watch over her… I thought I was saving them but all this time I’ve been destroying them.”

Varric reached across the table to take her hands away from her face and she opened her sad eyes. “BJ, what do you need from me? I will do whatever I can to help you through this.”

“Work,” she said. “And ale.”

He frowned. “I’m not sure that’s the healthiest thing for you. As someone with plenty of experience with work and ale, it’s not going to fix anything.”

She rolled her eyes. “Now you sound like Fenris. How did I get to the point where you and Mister ‘ _ Sleeps in a mansion full of dead bodies for two months until BJ forces me to clean them up _ ’ are lecturing me about how I handle my problems?” She paused and shook her head. “That wasn’t fair of me.”

Varric shrugged. “Why not? You’re not wrong. It’s not like me and the elf are experts in this kind of thing. But I, for one, am an expert in you.”

She huffed a laugh and rolled her eyes. “You are not.”

“I absolutely am. And as the resident expert in all things Bernadette Jordan Hawke, I can tell you that you are spiralling and the last thing that you need right now is to work. Take a few days for yourself. Take a walk, kill some random bandits, whatever you do to relax.”

“My relaxation method of choice is drinking. I just need someone sober around to keep me from getting alcohol poisoning.”

“I would rather not watch you go through that again. In fact, I’m cutting you off. You will no longer be permitted in the Hanged Man and will not provide you with alcohol for the rest of your life.”

“What?! Come on Varric, don’t make this into a thing. I don’t have a problem, there’s no reason to cut me off. And, what you’re just going to ban your best friend from your business for life?”

“Yes. You’re banned for life, starting when we open later today. You can stay in my office until then and then I’m taking you home.”

“I can’t go back there. Mal’s there.”

“So? He’s your brother, I think you both need each other in a time like this.”

“If I go home and he wants to talk I’ll have to tell him some things I really don’t want to tell him.” She scowled. “I’m… a bastard. There’s no other way to say it. I’m a bastard. My mother is not my mother. On some level, I suspected it I think. I’m mean, there were clues. I never doubted that Mal was my twin but even that’s not true. And I don’t think I have it in me to tell him the truth.”

“Well, you could always just hope he gets like you when times get tough and clams up.”

She groaned and flopped back in the seat. “No, he’s a talker! I’ve no idea where he got it from but he’s always wanting to talk about his feelings and work through problems like mature adults. It’s infuriating.”

He chuckled and rubbed her arm comfortingly. “Yeah, that’s not like you at all. Look, you don’t have to tell him anything you’re not ready to tell him. When it comes to this secret, everything is on your time.”

“What if I never feel ready to tell him? Are you just gonna let me live a lie?”

“Yes. I like Mal, I’ll feel bad keeping a secret from him, but I’m yours.”

She rolled her eyes and stood. “Sweet talker.” She wadded up her wet clothes and hitched her brother’s pants up higher on her hips. “I’ll let you get back to your paperwork. A bottle of ale for the road?” He raised an eyebrow and she shrugged. “Had to try. See you later.”

 

She stood outside the front door for what felt like forever. The house looked different, knowing that her mother was not inside. Even the front door felt heavier when she finally pushed it open and walked through the foyer. There was a fire roaring in the receiving hall and Bodahn was neatly packing some of Leandra’s things into an ornate box.

He looked up when she entered and nodded solemnly. “Serah. I was just preparing some of your mother's favorite things for the funeral tomorrow. Is there anything in particular you want to add?”

She reached into the pocket of the wet pants in her arms and pulled out the locket she’d picked up in the Foundry while looking for her mother. She pried it open with her misshapen thumb nail. On the left side was a miniature painting of Leandra’s parents. BJ had never met Bernadette and William Amell and she’s not sure that she would have liked them given the stories her mother told of her childhood, but they were an attractive couple. They weren’t her real grandparents, not by blood or love, and, surprisingly, that fact saddened her greatly. The right side was the four Hawke children. It was quite possibly the only time her mother had gotten her to wear a dress. She hated that dress, a blue and lace nightmare and the painting seemed to capture her displeasure perfectly. Mal was next to her in the nicest clothes he would ever wear, cheesing like a goof. There was one extremely long hair poking up in a cowlick on the back of his head and he was missing his two front teeth. They each had a twin on their laps. BJ was holding Carver tightly around the middle like his life depended on it, creasing his very nice little suit. He was slouching still and his little round face was beet red. Bethany sat on Mal’s lap in a dress that matched BJ’s, ever the young lady and sitting with perfect posture with her hands folded in her lap at three years old. “Just this.” She folded the locket closed and laid it in the box. Bodahn didn’t say a word about it, just nodded and put on the lid. 

“You’re brother is in her room,” he said when she turned to walk away. “He may still be asleep in there, if you wanted to wake him for lunch.”

She walked up to her mother’s bedroom and slipped through the open door. It was a bit on the small side compared to the other rooms. BJ had the master and it was easily twice the size of this room, but Leandra had insisted on it. 

“This was my room as a girl. I have a perfect view of the garden and, out the other window, I can see a bit of ocean,” she had said, when BJ insisted she take the largest room. BJ didn’t have a lot of possessions, even now that she could afford it, and the master was about the same size as their entire house back in lowtown. She didn’t need that much space, but she could never deny her mother anything that didn’t have to do with getting married.

There was a queen size bed in the center of the far wall with a lump under the blanket that could only be her brother. She walked up and stood beside the bed. “My, this bed sure does look a bit lumpy. No matter, I can work it out.” She threw herself onto the bed and landed on her stomach on top of the lump, rolling around on top of it and kicking her legs as it laughed underneath her.

Mal was still laughing when he poked his torso out from under the blanket and grabbed her the by waist, slamming her onto the mattress beside him. He shoved her away playfully and kicked off the rest of the blanket. “Where have you been? Did you sleep last night?”

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “I slept.”

“In a bed?”

“I can neither confirm nor deny whether or not there was a bed involved,” she said, not looking at him. He huffed, amused, and rolled his eyes. “Did you sleep in here?”

“Not all night. I cried in here for a few hours.” His puffy red eyes were evidence enough of that. “Fell asleep around five.”

“Where’s Mother?”

“Anders already took her to the crematorium. They’re not going to do it until later today, if you wanted to to go see her one last time.”

BJ shook her head. “I’d rather remember her as she was, when she was alive.”

“Me too,” Mall said, nodding. “Anders also said he’d contact Emeric. Get the full list of girls suspected of being victims. We don’t have any of their personal effects to bury with them, unfortunately. I thought we could bring them each a flower from Ma’s garden. Not the lilies. I already ripped those up.”

BJ grunted in annoyance and rolled over onto her back. “These Free Marcher customs are so tedious. We have to cremate her  _ and _ bury the urn with a bunch of her stuff? It’s needlessly extravagant. Mother may have come from money but she was a simple woman, she would have wanted a simple funeral.”

Mal rubbed his hand up and down her arm. “Yeah, probably. They’re going to let Bethany come, if that makes you feel better.”

Her eyes widened. “Really?”

“Yeah. With an armed Templar escort, of course, but she’ll be there. We’re even allowed a few seconds each to hug her.”

“What is the likelihood, do you think, of successfully killing all the Templars there and stealing her away?”

He gave her a small smile. “She likes it there, Beej. If she changes her mind, then we can talk about escape plans, but right now maybe we should just let her stay.”

BJ frowned and crossed her arms. “I don’t like it. How do we know that letter she sent wasn’t coerced?”

“Bethie isn’t like you. She likes being taken care of and she likes feeling safe. Out here, she was always worried about being an apostate, now she gets a chance to just be Bethany. And right now they’re taking good care of her, treating her kindly. If that changes, I will be right behind you when we storm the place, I promise.”

“It might be too late then. We got rid of Ser Alrik but as long as she’s in Meredith’s charge she will always be in danger of being made tranquil.” Mal frowned so she dropped the subject. “We should send a letter to Weishaupt. We don’t know if Carver is alive, but if he is, he should know.” 

Mal nodded. “I’ll write the letter after we eat something.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever feel like eating again.”

“I know, but if you don’t you’re gonna lose all that muscle mass you’ve worked so hard for and look exactly like all the other delicate young ladies of Hightown. Maybe that’s what you want. Have you finally decided to accept your obligations as the most eligible bachelorette of Kirkwall, Lady Bernadette?”

Her expression got more and more sour with each word he spoke until he couldn’t contain himself and laughed out loud. “You're a menace,” she teased, poking him hard in the side.


	28. Chapter 28

CHAPTER TWENTY- EIGHT

“BJ,” Varric said, distress in his voice already when he walked into the Hawke residence. BJ was sitting by the fire, cleaning blood off her antique dagger and looked up, surprised, when he came in. He raised an eyebrow and gestured to the knife. “I thought you were on a break.”

“I am. Doesn’t mean the scum of Darktown are. Five of them tried to break in through the basement, I really need to seal that up.”

“Well, now that you’re all relaxed, I have something to tell you.”

“Well? Go on.”

Varric opened his mouth to start but paused and gently took the dagger from her hand, sitting it on the nearby table, then picked up the table and moved it farther away from her. “Don’t want anything sharp or breakable nearby.”

“Varric… I’m not going to hurt you, what’s your news?”

“I’m more worried about you hurting the house. I already see two fist-sized holes in the wall.”

“One of those was Mal’s face. He tripped on Jester and fell.”

“Anyway.” He took deep breath. “I’ve had an ear out for Bartrand. After the Deep Roads he went to Rivain, probably because he knew I couldn’t track him.”

“Your little spies don’t go that far?”

“They’re not spies and people in Rivain are more careful with their tongues than most. My point is, I hear he’s back in Kirkwall. He called in loans from a few of his contacts in Hightown.”

“Would that slimeball really risk coming back here?”

“I think he both know that he would risk anything for money. There’s a much better market here for the idol he stole. And all his contacts are in Kirkwall.”

“Was he staying in Hightown, or just passing through?”

“If my sources are correct,” he smirked and shrugged. “And they’re always correct, he’s got a house there, which’ll make it easy to pay my dear brother a visit. If you’re done with your break, I mean. I’m sure the elf or Daisy could help me if you want to-”

“Thank the Maker!” she exclaimed, jumping to her feet. “I was going out of my mind these last two weeks. If someone didn’t come to me with a job soon I was going to invent one.”

He chuckled. “I figured it would be something like that.”

“Everyone is keeping their distance because… you know… and Mal has been spending all his time with Anders and Merrill is working on some secret project. I just wanted someone to punch, those would-be burglars are the first bit of fun I’ve had since the Saar-qamek incident. Well, let’s get going.”

She started for the door and only paused when Varric cleared his throat to cover a chuckle. “I get that you’re excited, but you maybe wanna put some shoes on?”

She quickly sat back down and pulled them on, her cheeks pink. “I haven’t left the house in days, I forgot.” When she stood back up, she suddenly got a serious expression. “I’m going to kill him. After what he did to my family, the chaos he caused us, I can’t let him leave this city alive. But, I’ll restrain myself if you ask me to.”

Varric shook his head. “I’d like to talk to him first, if you don’t mind, but he’s not my brother anymore. Once I’m done with him, you’re free to do as you please with what’s left.”

 

“This house looks empty,” BJ complained as she, Varric and Fenris walked up.

Varric frowned. “I don’t get it. My source said they made deliveries here. This place looks like it’s been empty for months.”

“Let’s look around,” Fenris said, stepping up to the door and yanking it open, the lock cracking in two.

“There might be some clues inside,” she said, shrugging. “Tell us where he’s gone.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

They entered swiftly, Varric first, followed by BJ with Fenris bringing up the rear. The house was as empty as it seemed from the outside. BJ made sure she be as loud as possible as she kicked down the doors and inspected each and every room, hoping to draw out any guards that could be hiding in wait, but there were none. There were two rooms left to check and when she kicked open the second to last, she found it occupied. The dwarf was cowering behind a box, whispering ‘Please don’t see me, please don’t see me,’ at a volume that was impossible to miss.

“Varric!” she called. He paused on his way up the stairs and turned back to see what she’d found. Or, who she found, as was the case. The man looked up when she called Varric’s name, surprised and little relieved.

“Bartrand’s steward,” her friend said.

“Varric?” Said the cowering man as he stood nervously. “Is it really you? Bartrand said you were dead.”

“Not yet.”

“Varric… your brother… that statue he brought out of the Deep Roads… Bartrand said it sang to him. Even after he sold it.”

“Sold it?” BJ asked, reaching up and brushing the scar on her face with her fingertips. “To who? That thing is dangerous.”

“I don’t know who. It’s why we came back to Kirkwall. He was already starting to rant about the sodding idol and it’s singing. On his better days he wanted to get rid of it. But the minute it was gone, he got worse.”

“Where is everyone?” Fenris asked next. “A man like Bartrand doesn’t travel with only his steward in tow.”

“I don’t know what he did to them… by the stone, the sounds coming out of his study. I thought I was next but he hasn’t come out for days.”

“Then we go in after him.”

“Wait,” BJ said. She turned to the steward skeptically. “There is no reason for him to still be here, if all of this was going on. Why did you stay?”

The dwarf twiddled his thumbs. “I thought I could save him. I loved him… I thought that would be enough. It wasn’t. If you’re here, then that means he really is lost to me.”

Varric sighed and stepped up to him. “He’s lost to us both. Do you have some place to go? I can set you up at the inn for a couple days, free of charge.”

“No, I just want to get out of this cursed town. I’ll use what’s left of Bartrand’s account to go home. Please just… don’t hurt him.” The dwarf turned to leave.

“Damn it, Bartrand. He was always really good at hurting the people who love him.” Varric said, starting towards the study door. “Bartrand! Come out and face us!” He kicked it hard twice, three times, but it didn’t open. He turned to BJ and stepped out of the way. “Ladies first?”

“Such a gentleman,” she teased, waving her hand in front of her. The door froze solid and Varric pulled Bianca off his back, taking aim towards the center of the door and firing. It shattered and as the pieces fell to the ground they saw Bartrand waiting for them at the other end of the room.

He started throwing things at them, first a vase, then several books. BJ used wind magic to bat them out of the way as Varric walked closer.

“I need to hear the song again!” his brother was screaming. “I can’t hear it! I just need to hear it sing!”

Varric reached Bartrand and grabbed his arms to keep him from throwing things. “Bartrand, get a hold of yourself! Do you know where you are? Do you know what you’ve done?”

“You’ll help me,” Bartrand said, finally looking at Varric’s face. “You’ll help me find it again, won’t you little brother?”

“Help you?” Varric sneered, letting his brother go. “Bartrand, you left me to die. You did this-” he pointed to BJ’s scar. “-to her. And for what? Some trinket? Look at what you’ve done to the people who served you.” Varric sighed when Bartrand just stared blankly at him. “I thought he’d be gloating. Laying on a bed of gold and commissioning painters to memorialize the instant he’d sealed us in the Deep Roads. But look at him. Whatever that idol was, it did worse to him than I ever could.”

“You know what I want, Varric,” BJ said quietly. “But I will let him live. All you have to do is ask.”

The dwarf sighed and turned away. “No, he wronged you worse than he did me. After what happened to your brother… Do what you want with him. He’s not my family anymore.” Then he left the room. He was halfway out of the house when he heard his brother screaming about a song, only to be suddenly cut off and he couldn’t find it in him to be sad.

Varric was waiting for BJ when she stepped outside. She looked back at Fenris and waved him away and he nodded. He gave Varric a strong pat on the shoulder before heading off into the night.

“Something on your mind?” she asked.

“I should thank you,” he said. “My brother was a jackass and I know he tried to kill us but… maybe I could have found help for him.”

She nodded. “You know I don’t like to talk about feelings, but I’ll make an exception for you if you need it.”

He smiled and used her shoulder to push himself back to his feet and she followed. “Thanks, Beej. I might take you up on that. I don’t know if surface dwarves go back to the stone or spend eternity singing hymns with Andraste. I just hope where ever he is he’s staying out of trouble.”

“Any idea what really went on with the idol?”

“The things cursed, obviously. I don’t know if its demons or the bile of the ancestors but it’s trouble. If we’re lucky, whoever he sold the damn thing to melted it down for scrap. I’ll keep looking into his buyer. At the very least they should be warned.”

 

BJ was drinking wine by the fire later that night, her first one night stand in several years sleeping it off in her bed. She thought she prefered close sleeping quarters, she and her family had slept in the same bed for years and she had shared one with Mal for the first seven years of her life, but having a stranger in her bed was… unsettling. She found that she couldn’t sleep, hearing the strange woman breathing heavily a few inches away.

There was a light knock on the door and she stood up to open it, hiding her half empty bottle of wine in a potted plant. There was only one person it could be tonight.

“Varric,” she said, stepping aside and letting him inside. “Come to take me up on my offer?”

He nodded his head, smiling. “Not about Bartrand. Just… shooting the breeze. I figured you’d still be up. Do you mind?”

“Not at all. Come sit by the fire?”

They sat on the floor beside the fireplace and neither spoke for a while. “You know,” Varric started when the silence got to be too much. He was smirking and she felt instantly foreboding. “There’s this tale making the rounds. They’re saying you single-handedly fought off a pirate invasion, at midnight, on the sacred ground of the Chantry.”

She raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms over her chest. “And where did they hear that?”

“Oh, just around. I tried to steer them straight, but you know how these things go. Just don't be surprised if people look at you in awe.”

She tried to smother a smile and wasn’t sure if it worked. “What compels you to spin these ridiculous tales?”

“I love the sound of my own voice. And I’m a compulsive liar.”

“I know that part already. I’ve heard three different stories you’ve told people about how I got this scar.”

“Well, I’ve told eight different versions. The people who’ve heard the other five are probably just too scared of you to bring it up. There’s power in stories. That’s all history is. The best tales are the ones that last, might as well be mine. You really need to see the look on someone’s face when I tell them you ripped the arms off an ogre, just once.”

“It was only one arm, not both, and you weren’t even there when I did that, how can you possibly relay it to others?”

“Well, Daisy gave me the bullet points. My imagination filled in the rest.”

“Why don’t you tell any stories about yourself? Wouldn’t it make sense to make yourself the protagonist?”

“There a formula to a good hero, BJ, like alchemy. One part down-to-earth, one part selfless nobility, two parts crazy, and you season liberally with wild falsehoods. You let that percolate with a good audience for a while and when it’s done, you have your hero.”

“That doesn’t sound like me at all. I think you’ve got the wrong hero.”

“There’s that down-to-earth-ness.”

She narrowed her eyes but turned away. “I didn’t want to give this to you before,” she started, changing the subject. “When his death was fresh… but I found this in Bartrand’s study.” She pulled something out of her pocket and handed it to him.

“What… My father’s signet ring? I can’t believe you found this, Bartrand pawned this off to pay for the expedition. This is exactly the sort of fake thing I’d make up about you.”

“Since I know you're going to embellish this, can I control the narrative a bit? Tell them I got it from the belly of a dragon.”

“I’ll throw in a Griffon and a maiden in distress, just to make it interesting.”

They both laughed out loud and talked the rest of the night away.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I've been struck by inspiration and I've completely changed my plan for the ending of the story and for the second part. I know that some people are only here for the Fenris romance and there will definitely still be aspects of that, but I wanted to give those people a heads up that the Fenris romance is no longer end game. For the most part, it will follow the in-game romance storyline until the very end. I'm going to change the tags to match the new ending and I'm sorry if anyone was looking forward to it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

“I’ve got something to show you,” Merrill said, waking her up a few mornings later with a wide grin on her face.

BJ looked up at her blearily and realized that the elf was sitting on her stomach, one leg on each side of her hips. “Merrill, really, I think of you like a sister-”

Merrill huffed and rolled off of her. “Not like that. My secret project. I’ve finished it. Well, almost finished. It’s nearly almost finished. Come see.”

BJ groaned but slid out of the bed and followed the excited elf down to the basement in her night clothes. Merrill led her down the stairs and into the far room that BJ had given her to use. They stepped into the room and BJ gasped when she saw a very intricately designed golden mirror. There was no reflection in the glass but it was certainly lovely. “Wow,” she mumbled, stepping close. “This is what you’ve been working on?”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Does the glass need to be replaced? It’s cracked down the middle and it’s not reflecting us. I can pay a glass maker if you need it.”

“No, it’s not that kind of mirror.”

“I didn’t realize there were multiple types of mirror, including one that did not reflect anything.”

Merrill nodded. “Well, when you put it that way, I suppose it’s not really a mirror. It’s a door.”

“A door? To what?”

“That’s what I’m trying to find out. I’ve spent the last few years repairing this. Some of my clan found it in the Brecillian forest we think. Poor Tamlen. We never found him. Just the shattered pieces of the Eluvian.”

“Eluvian?”

“Long ago, the elves had a great empire that stretched across all of Thedas. And every city had an Eluvian. There were no roads, no bridges. Everyone communicated through these, but I don’t know how exactly. My people have lost so much, we know almost nothing of the days before Arlathan. This is a piece of our history.”

“What exactly are you hoping to do with this?”

“At first, I was hoping to find Tamlen but… it’s been so long. He’s probably dead by now, if he wasn’t already.” She looked sadly down at her clasped hands. “But still, I’m sure this will help our people recover just this small part of our heritage.”

“This  _ thing _ is why you left, isn’t it?”

“The Keeper demanded that I get rid of the fragment that I kept. Said our Ancestors wanted such these to be forgotten. But it’s a Keeper’s duty to remember things, even the dangerous things. We argued. I left. She’s wrong. This mirror could teach us so much.”

“Well, if you’re set on this I’ll do what I can to keep you safe. What do you need?”

“I’ve tried everything but I can’t get it to work. I think that it needs to be finished with a special tool. An arulin’holm. My clan has one. If you would… Would you please… I would very much appreciate it if…”

“I went with you? Of course I will.”

“Ma serranas. Thank you,” she said, gratefully.

 

They left for Sundermount that afternoon, with Mal in tow. Mal had insisted on coming along the second he caught sight of that mirror. “I don’t like it,” he’d said stubbornly and he’d been glued to his sister’s side since.

The hike wasn’t so bad this time of year. The air had a bit of bite to it, but the sun was hot on the backs of their necks. When they arrived at the camp, they were let through with no words exchanged between them and the guards but there was a suspicious look on the guards’ faces.

Merrill spotted the Keeper across the camp and jogged over. “Keeper!”

The Keeper looked pleased to see her. “You’re returned to us, dah’len! Have you reconsidered this path at last?”

“Keeper, I…” She paused and looked at BJ who nodded and stood tall next to her. “I need the arulin’holm, the ancient carving knife that master Ilen keeps.”

“I see,” the old elf said, her face falling into sadness. “You wish to repair the Eluvian.”

“You don’t have to approve,” Merrill continued. “I’m invoking vir sulevanan. I’ll do whatever task you wish.”

“It is your right. I will give you a service to perform if you wish.”

“I’m glad we could all come to an agreement,” BJ said. “This means a lot to Merrill and I wish to see it through.”

“I’m glad she has found a friend in you, child. I hope you will look after her.”

“She’s family. I will look out for her like I do my blood sister.”

Merrill gasped and looked at her in shock. “Truely? I’m your sister?”

Mal grinned and tossed an arm around her shoulders. “Of course. In every way that matters.” That phrase stirred something in BJ, and she realized it was the same one that Leandra has used to describe her that night she died. She still hadn’t told Mal the truth, that she was his half-sister. She shook her head. She could worry about that later.

“A varterral has taken the lives of three of our hunters,” the Keeper started. “It lairs in a cavern in the mountain side. Seek it. Slay it. No one else must fall to its anger. Do this for us and I will give you the arulin’holm. May the Dread Wolf never catch your scent.”

BJ looked at Merrill who nodded sharply and turned towards the mountain. “The cave must be near camp,” Merrill said as they started up the incline. “The Keeper would just warn the hunters away otherwise.”

“Well, I’m a natural beacon for trouble. If we don’t find it... it’ll find me.”

The path they were on continued on for several minutes until the cave came into view at the end of it. BJ and Mal looked at one another and then instantly took their usual formation, Mal a few yards ahead and BJ pulling up the rear with Merrill keeping pace in the middle. Mal entered the cave first. He tried to be quiet but each footstep echoed off the walls anyway.

It wasn’t long before they came upon the first elven bodies. Merrill breathed deeply and then nodded. “Falon’Din guide you, lethallan.”

They passed some more farther in, Merrill saying a quiet prayer for each group they came across and gathered amulets from around their necks. They had been in the cave for about an hour when there was movement up ahead. Mal recognized the flash of elven armor. “I think we have a survivor,” he said to Merrill when she caught up to him.

“Be cautious,” BJ said. “Two humans and an exiled clan member probably aren’t what he was hoping for.”

“It’s okay!” Merrill called. “You can come out.”

“Merrill? The young elf said as he stepped out from behind the wall.

“Aneth ara, Pol. Are you hurt?”

“Stay back!” he hissed, backing through the doorway.

“Pol, it’s okay, I’m here to help.”

“Don’t touch me! Just stay back.”

BJ stepped between them. “Do not speak to her that way! Merrill is here to help.”

“Don’t you know what she is?” the elf hissed before turning around and running farther into the cave. “Someone please help me!”

“Pol, no!” Merrill called. “We have to catch him, he’ll be hurt.”

BJ nodded and took off as fast as she could after him. Merrill caught up to her easily but she could hear Mal clanging around behind her in his heavy armor, getting farther away. She couldn’t stop for him to catch up, there was no time.

They burst into a large chamber and they both froze at the entrance. The creature was like a monstrous crab with five legs that made it taller than the State House in Kirkwall and two little arms ending in claws, sharp enough to rip a human in two.

BJ gave a battle cry and sent a gust of wind, hard enough to make it stumble before catching itself, to distract it from its elven prey. “Over here, you ugly beast!” She called.

The creature turned to them and roared, stomping its feet against the ground until the floor shook and rocks fell from the ceiling. Mal caught up and gasped. “Oh, shit! What’s the plan? Beej, what’s the plan?”

“I don’t know,” she said. Her voice portrayed a confidence she didn’t feel. 

“You don’t know?!”

“This is not what I was expecting! I thought it was a lion or a dragon or something, I had no idea it would be the size of a chantry! I just need to think!”

The creature didn’t give her time to think before charging at them. She pushed Merrill out of the way and tumbled after her. When she looked back up she saw Mal slowly clawing his way up the creature’s leg.

“Mal! What are you doing?”

“We’re not even gonna dent it from down here!” he called back. “I need to reach the head! Keep it distracted! I’ll be careful!”

“You are climbing a monster, Mal! Careful is out the window! Just don’t die!” She looked around quickly, trying to come up with a plan. “Merrill,” she said, grabbed the young elf’s arm. “Go get Pol to safety. I need you both out of the way.”

She nodded and hurriedly ran over to where Pol was laying on the ground. She grabbed his arms to help him to his feet and he fought her, trying to pull away. “Don’t touch me!” he hissed.

“Pol, shut up,” Merrill said harshly. “I’m so sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but we need to move. Now.”

BJ was standing at the other end of the chamber from the varterral when Mal finally made it up to the creature’s back and it noticed him. He craned its neck around and snapped its great jaws at him and he scrambled away, out of its reach. She took deep, centering breaths and started casting a glamour. Glamours weren’t her best spells. She could do them, but there were so few opportunities to practice them that it took a lot of concentration and intention to get them right, unlike her lightening which she barely needed to think about anymore. She focused on her intention. Make me big. 

The varterral suddenly hissed and she opened her eyes. It crouched like a cat preparing to strike and hissed and roared, staring several dozen feet above her head.

Mal was startled when he looked up and suddenly saw a fifty foot tall BJ. The varterral he was riding bent down on its front legs and he started sliding down its back towards its neck. He pulled out his sword the best he could while moving and, when he got close enough, hacked at the back of its neck three times until he cut through the spine and the creature tumbled to the ground. Mal fell off into the dirt and when he looked up his sister was back to her normal size and running towards him frantically.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“Am I alright?! Are  _ you _ alright?” he asked, standing and dusting off his pants. “You were a giant!”

“It was a glamour, Mal, it wasn’t real.”

“Have you been able to do that all this time?”

“It was the biggest one I’ve ever attempted and I couldn’t hold it for very long, but yeah.”

He laughed, excitedly. “That’s so cool! Why have you never done it before?”

“Mal, please,” she said, exasperatedly. “This isn’t the time. You did good, we should check on Merrill.” She found Merrill pacing over near the wall but no sign of Pol. “Merrill?” she asked.

“He’s gone! I took my eyes off of him for one second when you cast that glamour and he ran away, back outside.”

“Why is he so scared of you?” Mal asked. “You’re… basically a marshmallow.”

“Creators, I don’t know. I liked Pol, he was different than the others. He was city born, came to live with us from Denerim. Something's very wrong. I need to see the Keeper.”

BJ nodded and lead them back out of the cave and down the path to the camp. The Keeper was waiting for them near the entrance and smiled as they drew near. “The varterral is dead.”

“Ma serannas. I will sleep well knowing we will not lose another to that creature.”

“We found these,” Merrill said, handing the amulets to the older elf.

“I will return them to the families.”

“Pol is alive,” she said quickly. “Although it was a near thing. He fled at the sight of me, right into the creature’s lair.”

“Many of the clan believe you will bring back the corruption, or worse, from the mirror.”

“And where did they get that idea?”

“I am their Keeper, dah’len. It was my duty to warn them. It’s still not too late for you to return to us. Reconsider- there's no need for you to live alone. The eluvian is a trap! It cost us Tamlen, led you to blood magic. Will you let it twist you farther from who you are?”

“And who am I in your eyes? Regardless, we’ve done as you asked. Honor our bargain.”

The Keeper let out a sigh that sounded like years of grief but handed over the knife to BJ’s waiting hand. “Please,” she said, looking the Hawke woman in the eye beseechingly. “Don’t let her do this.” Then she turned and walked away.

When she was out of sight, Merrill deflated in relief. “Thank the Creators. I was worried she’d go back on her word.” She held out her hand to take the knife but BJ moved it just out of her reach. “What-?”

BJ looked her seriously in the eye. “I want you to consider this for a moment,” she said quietly. “If you decide that this path is worth it, I will hand you the knife. But first I want you to think, long and hard about what I’m about to ask. Is doing this… Is fixing the eluvian worth losing your clan over? I think it’s been made abundantly clear, that this is the point of no return. If you keep moving forward you cannot come back to them.”

“The alternative is moving backwards,” Merrill hissed, angrier than the Hawke siblings had ever seen her. “And that is what we have been doing for centuries. We lost our Gods, we moved back. We lost our land, we moved back. We lost our culture, our magic, our rituals, we keep moving back. You and Mal know better than anyone what it’s like to lose everything, if you could never see your family again but you knew that what you were doing meant that they and their children and their children’s children would live happily in a world they belonged in, wouldn’t it be worth it?”

BJ stared at her for a long moment before handing her the knife. “I just hope you know what you’re doing,” she whispered.

Merrill paused before taking the knife and then hugged her tightly. She was smiling when she pulled out of the hug. “I know what I’m doing. I promise.” Then she turned and skipped down the mountain with BJ and Mal trailing behind her.


	30. Chapter 30

CHAPTER THIRTY

“Let’s go to the beach,” Mal said. The cool spring winds had finally gone and were replaced by the sweltering heat. BJ herself was at her desk going over letters in only her underwear and a loose white shirt with her hair piled up as high on her head as gravity would allow, to try and get some relief from it. Mal was wearing pants at least and had shaven off his long black hair and beard. He looked so young that BJ almost thought she was hallucinating from the heat.

“Yeah,” she said finally, pushing away the letter she had been pretending to read for the last hour. “Let’s go to the beach.”

Merrill hadn’t come out of her work room in weeks and politely declined when Mal invited her to come along through the wooden door. Aveline had given him a withering look when he asked her and just said ‘Some of us have jobs, Malcolm’. Varric was nowhere to be found at the bar, Norah said he was at the Guild sorting through some of his late brother’s effects. Anders had smiled, wiped a pool of sweat from his forehead, and said ‘I would love to, Mal, but I’m booked for the entire day. There has been a lot of heat stroke lately.’

In the end only BJ, Mal, Fenris, and Isabela headed to the beach that day. BJ wore a nice robe over her bathing clothes, a pair of black shorts and the same loose white shirt from earlier, and carried three bottles of wine, two in one hand and one in the other. ‘I’m going to share them,’ she had said to Mal’s disappointed frown. Mal wore his usual clothes with his shorts tossed over his shoulder and a large beach towel under each arm. Fenris did not bring anything to swim in, declaring ‘I don’t swim and if you try to make me, Mal, I will stab you’ when Mal asked. Isabela wore her usual clothes as well, winking when BJ asked why and saying ‘I don’t like tan lines’ at which point BJ just let the topic go.

They were only halfway there when their beach day was interrupted. It had been inevitable really, the Hawkes weren’t allowed to have fun.

There was a mass of people, maybe a dozen, standing between them and the water.

“Stop right there!” One of them called, stepping up in front of the group.

“Hunters,” Fenris hissed, stepping to a fighting stance. 

“You are in possession of stolen property. Step away from the slave and you will be spared.”

Mal looked around sarcastically and then shrugged. “Slave? I don’t see any slaves here. Just four free people trying to enjoy a day at the beach. Now, why don’t you back off and I won’t sic my sister on you?”

“I won’t say it again!” the man continued. Mal gave BJ a withering look. “Step away from the slave!”

BJ sighed. “They’ll never learn, will they?”

Fenris’ tattoos began to glow and Mal pulled his shield off his back. “I am not your slave!” the elf screamed before running forward.

“Wait!” BJ called, but when Fenris didn’t stop she swiped her purple glowing hands out to her sides and covered him with a protective forcefield just as he set off an explosive trap. Smoke covered the path, obscuring the elf from view, and then suddenly he burst out of the smoke completely unharmed and lept through the air, landing on the speaking man’s chest and thrusting his hand through his sternum.

The others followed quickly as the smoke dispersed and took out the remaining hunters.

“Well,” Mal started. “Fighting sure puts me in the mood to go swimming. Anyone else?”

“We got a live one,” Isabela called from the other side of the path, standing over a mage lying on the ground.

Fenris stomped over with purpose and grabbed the man by the hair before smashing his face in the dirt. “Where is he?” he hissed venomously.

“Please,” the man sobbed. “Don’t kill me!”

Fenris smashed his face again. “Tell me!”

“I don’t know! I don’t know where. Hadiana brought us. She’s at the holding caves north of the city. I can show you the way.”

“No need,” the white haired elf said. “I know the ones.”

“Then let me go,” the man sobbed. “Please, I won’t tell- I swear!”

“You chose the wrong master.” His hand glowed white and he thrust it through the crying man’s chest before letting the dead body fall in the dirt and standing back up. “Hadriana,” he said with searing hatred in his voice. “I was a fool to think I was free. They’ll never let me be!”

“Hey,” BJ said, stepping up. “You  _ are _ free. If you need our help convincing this Hadriana woman of that fact, we are with you. Who is she?”

“My old master’s apprentice. I remember her well. A sniveling social climber who would sell her own children if she thought it would please Danarius. If she’s here, it’s at his bidding. I knew he wouldn’t let this go.”

“Then let’s go convince him that moving on is in his best interest,” Mal said, nodding to his sister.

“Hadriana’s death will be our message. Can you take us to these caves?”

“The holding caves held slaves in the old times, but apparently they are no longer abandoned. We must go quickly, before she has a chance to prepare… or flee.”

He turned and led them away from the beach and farther up Sundermount. Mal gave the water in the distance one last lingering glance before sighing and following. The caves were on the far side of the mountain as the elven camp with a drop off cliff that plunged vertically into the churning sea below. The path was wide enough that they didn’t need to worry about falling, so long as their footing was sure. BJ walked with a hand around Mal’s bicep just in case he tripped, as he was prone to do when it was least convenient. 

He did not trip, thankfully, before they reached the caves and she let him go once they were securely inside. “No guards?” she asked.

“This is the back way. If there are guards on this path they will be farther ahead rather than bothering coming all the way down here, it’s a tedious walk.”

They continued forward swiftly. “How do you know these caves so well?” Mal asked.

“This is where I hid for my first few weeks in Kirkwall. We must be careful. Such holdings were designed to protect against raids from other slavers. No doubt it's why Hadriana chose this place.”

“She will not escape us,” BJ said, assured. 

“Let us hope this is not a waste of time.” 

As they got farther in, the rock walls of the cave gave way to something more dwarvish in nature, with clean stone walls and paragon statues. It was remeniciant of the Deep Roads and made BJ feel unsettled, like she could crawl out of her skin.

They ran into their first set of guards about fifteen minutes later and surprised them during lunch, taking quick care of the distracted slavers. 

The next person that saw was not slaver, but slave. A young elven woman with her blonde hair pulled up into a practical bun. Her face was thin and her cheeks concaved, dark and hollow, and her dress was torn across her chest with rips along her skirt.

“Are you hurt?” Fenris asked, his voice stoic but his eyes wild as he looked her over for injuries. 

“They’re killing everyone!” she said, running into his chest and gripping his arms. “They cut my papa! Bled him!”

“Why?” Fenris asked, though he was looking at BJ. “Why would they do this?”

“The magister,” the young woman said. “She said she needed power. Someone was coming to kill her!” Fenris scowled, his eyes sad. “We tried to be good,” the woman continued. “We did everything we were told! She loved Papa’s soup. I don’t understand…”

“Is Hadriana still here?” BJ asked.

“I think so. She said that they were to prepare for battle. I think she’s very frightened.”

“As she should be,” Fenris hissed.

The young elf pulled away from him and grabbed at her torn dress, suddenly realizing that her worn corset was exposed. BJ pulled off her robe and draped it over her shoulders, fastening it closed around her. “This has been terrible for you,” she whispered, double checking the clasp.

“Everything was fine until today!” She insisted angrily, though she didn’t reject the robe. She shifted underneath it until her hands popped out of the sleeves.

“It wasn’t,” Fenris said. “You just didn’t know any better.”

“Are you my master now?” she asked the white haired elf.

His eyes widened and he took a step back as if he’d been slapped. “No!”

“But I can cook, I can clean. What else will I do?”

BJ looked back at her brother, who nodded and smiled. When she turned back to the elf she gently took her arm. “My friend here,” she said, gesturing to Isabela. “She can take you to my house. You can work for me, if you want to.”

“Oh yes,” the elf said, excitement in her eyes. “I would like that very much.”

Fenris looked affronted. “I didn’t realize you were in the market for a slave,” he hissed, feeling betrayed.

BJ raised an eyebrow at him but didn’t respond. She took a hand full of coins out of her pocket and handed them to her, closing her fist around them gently. “Your first payment. Maybe buy some new clothes. Speak to a dwarf named Bodahn when you arrive and tell him what you need, he’ll go with you to the market. There’s food in the kitchen, help yourself.” She stepped out of the way and spoke to Isabela next. “See her there safely?”

“Sure thing,” the pirate said, opening her arm and wrapping it around the elf’s shoulders when she stepped under it. “Come on, Kitten, I’ve got you.”

BJ turned back to Fenris to see him frowning, more in embarrassment than anything else at the moment. “My apologies,” he said, though it seemed as if the words physically hurt him. “We should move on and be done with this place.”

They dispatched another group of guards before coming to the final chamber. Fenris took a deep breath before kicking open the door.

“Attack!” called a feminine voice the second the door was opened. “You made a terrible mistake coming here, slave!”

BJ held out her arm and pushed them back from the door as the guards swarmed towards it. “Don’t go through the door, let them come to us.”

They guards were funneled through the door and they were easily able to dispatch them one by one since they were unable to move through the door in mass. When at last the door was clear they all surged through to find that only Hadriana left, standing at the far end of the chamber with her staff tight in her fist. She tossed a spell at the carelessly and BJ bat it away with one of her own. The two spells merged and crashed into the wall, sending it crumbling. 

Fenris stomped forward before she could prepare another one and grabbed her by the throat, slamming her down on the stone floor as his tattoos glowed white. 

“Stop!” she choked out. “You do not want me dead!”

“There is only one person I want dead more!”

“I have information, Elf. And I will trade it for my life!”

Fenris huffed a derisive laugh. “The location of Denerius? What good will that do me? I’d rather he lose his pet pupil.”

“You have a sister! She is alive!” She said hurriedly. Fenris was startled so badly that he loosened his grip on her neck and she fell to the floor, coughing and gasping for breath. She sat up when she could. “You wish to reclaim your life. Let me go, and I will tell you where she is.”

BJ stepped up beside the elf and glared down at her. “I’ve never known a slaver to value a life, even their own, as highly as information. How do we know you’re telling the truth?”

“You don’t. But I know Fenris and I know what he’s searching for. If he wants me to betray Denerius, he’ll have to pay for it. You want to know who you were? Let me go.”

It was not a deal that she would take, but she could not decide it for Fenris. “This is your call,” she told him. He took a few unsure steps forward before seemingly making up his mind and walking more confidently. He crouched before her and looked in the eye. 

“So I have your word? You’ll let me go?”

“Yes. You have my word.”

“Her name is Varania. She is in Qarinus serving a magister by the name of Ahriman.”

“A servant? Not a slave.”

“She’s not a slave.”

“I believe you,” he said, before pulling her heart out through her chest. He stood and started away. “Let’s go. We’re done here.”

“Do you… want to talk about it?” Mal asked, cautiously.

“No, I don’t want to talk about it!” Fenris yelled.

“Hey!” BJ interrupted. “Don’t yell at him, he’s only trying to help.”

Fenris sighed and ran a hand through his stark white hair. “This could be a trap. Denerius could have sent Hadriana here to tell me about this  _ sister _ .” He stepped up to her holding his hands out in front of him uselessly. “Even if he didn’t, trying to find her would be suicide.”

BJ sighed and stepped up behind him, putting her hand on his shoulder. “We should leave. Let her body rot with your memories of her.”

“Don’t comfort me,” he said, yanking his shoulder away from her hand and turning to face her. “You saw what occured here! There’s always going to be some reason, some excuse for mages. Even if I found my sister, who knows what the magisters have done to her. What does magic touch that it does not spoil?” He seemed to realize then who he was talking to and shook his head. “I… need to go.” He turned and left the Hawke siblings there.

 

She and Mal arrived home after night had fallen.

“Oh!” the elf girl said, looking up from the table she was wiping off. She was wearing a modest yellow dress with a lace collar and a white apron around her waist. “You’re here! Your home is lovely. I realized while Madam Isabela was escorting me that I did not introduce myself. My name is Orana,” she said, curtsying low. “I have already met Bodahn and Sandal and Madam Merrill. What can I do for you now, Madam and Master Hawke?”

“There’s no need to use such formal titles, Orana. You are our employee not our slave. BJ is fine. And this is my brother, Mal. You’ll have a weekly salary, I’ll give you the same pay I give Bodahn. You’re welcome to a room here or, if you’d rather live in a separate apartment like Bodahn and his son do, I can arrange something. I want you to be happy here.”

“I’m very happy already, Miss. These are the nicest clothes I’ve ever worn and the only ones I’ve ever owned. I bought three dresses today. I also cleaned this room and the dining room and prepared dinner, it’s ready to eat as soon as you’re ready. Oh! Also, I brought your guest up to your room.”

BJ blinked. “Guest?”

“Yes, Miss, I thought he was a friend of yours, he was with you in the caves. Oh dear, did I mess up already? I’m terribly sorry.”

“No, no, it’s alright. He is a friend, I just wasn’t expecting him. It’s late, why don’t you eat and get some rest and we’ll give you a full tour in the morning?” She stepped around the elf and headed for the stairs.

Mal grinned and started leading Orana into the dining room. “Shall we eat, then? I’m starving.”

BJ jogged quickly up the stairs and into her bedroom, where she found Fenris, as promised, sitting on the bench at the end of her bed. “I’ve been thinking,” he started without prompt. “... about what happened with Hadriana. I took out my anger on you, undeservedly so. I was not myself.”

“I was concerned,” she started as she closed the bedroom door behind her. “I wasn’t sure where you had gone and there were bound to be stragglers from Hadriana’s force.”

“I needed to be alone. When I was still a slave, Hadriana was a torment. She would ridicule me, deny my meals, hound my sleep… Because of her status, I was powerless to respond and she knew it. I couldn’t let her go or I might never sleep again. I wanted to, but I couldn’t.”

“What do you mean? It’s not as though she could have gone back to Denerius after betraying him. She had no more power over you.”

“This… hate. I thought I had gotten away from it. But it dogs me no matter where I go.” He huffed and shook his head. “But I didn’t come to burden you further.” 

He started for the door and she reached out to him. “You don’t need to leave, Fenris,” she said, gently grabbing his arm.

He spun around quickly and she lost her grip. He grabbed her by the arms and pushed her against the wall. Her first instinct was to bring up her leg and kick him away, but she paused when her knee was half way up between them. The look in his eyes wasn’t threatening. It wasn’t even angry. It was… hungry.

He seemed to realize what he’d done and took a reluctant step back, his hands falling from her arms and she put her foot down to steady herself. They stared at each other for two heartbeats, the sound of blood rushing filled her ears, and then she surged forward and pressed her mouth against his. She pulled away briefly, thinking ‘What in the Maker’s name am I doing?’, before he pressed back into her. She flipped them and pressed him against the wall.

She wouldn’t call what they did that night making love but it was more tender than she had expected. When she imagined sex with Fenris (and, to be honest, she had imagined it often) she had always pictured it to be angry, bitten red lips and pulling hair and the feeling of exhausted satisfaction when it was over. It started out as that but somewhere along the way, maybe when they had made their way over the bed, it had turned almost… sweet. Caring even. She wasn’t sure if that was on her part or his but she didn’t dislike it. He was also extremely careful about asking before he did things, which was new for her and appreciated.

It must have been hours and several rounds later when she woke up without even remembering falling asleep. She looked around for him on the bed but he was gone. There was movement in the corner of her eye and when she followed it she found him, fully clothed and standing by the fire. “Sorry,” she said, propping herself up on her arm. “Did I fall asleep on you? Don’t take it as a critique, the heat always makes me tired.”

He chuckled, though it seemed reluctant. “Do not worry. We were finished when you drifted off. I was about to follow you, actually, but…”

“Was it bad then?” She asked when he trailed off.

“I’m sorry, it’s not… It was fine.” She raised an eyebrow at him and he shook his head. “No, that is insufficient. It was better than anything I could have dreamed.”

“That’s more like it. Come back to bed then. Take the armor off though, I don’t fancy a punctured spleen tonight.”

“No, I…” He looked away. 

“You don’t have to. If you don’t want to stay, you don’t have to stay. There’s no need to come up with an excuse.”

“It’s not an excuse. I started to remember. My life before. This is… too much.”

“Fenris, this doesn’t have to be anything you don’t want it to be.”

“I don’t love you.”

“I know.”

“And you don’t love me.”

“I…” she tried to figure out a way to be delicate. “I care about you. But we don’t have to love each other. Yet, or maybe ever. We can just… be us.”

“No,” he said, looking down at his feet. “I feel like such a fool. All I wanted was to be happy, just for a little while. Forgive me.”

She did not try to stop him when he left.


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BJ's drinking catches up with her and may have put one of her friends in danger. Will she make it in time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If all goes according to plan, this chapter marks the halfway point. Really quick, I wanted to thank those of you who have stuck with me. I look forward to finishing this story and getting started on the next one.

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Norah knocked on the doorframe to Varric’s office. It was just passed midnight, she must have been too busy for a friendly chat, so Varric raised an eyebrow. “What’s wrong?”

“Your friend is down here, passed out at the bar.”

“Isabela? It’s a little early in the night for her to be out already. Just leave her there. So long as she’d not on the floor, she’ll shamble her way up to her room eventually.”

“No, not her. The scary one with the eyebrows.”

Well, there was only one person that could be. He sighed and got up from his chair. “Boris knows she’s cut off. Why did he serve her?”

“She was drunk when she got here. Sat down at the bar and argued with him for five minutes before blacking out.”

He followed her down the stairs and instantly spotted BJ at the bar. His heart ached at the sight of her. He had never seen her drink so much she passed out. That’s not to say she never did it, but to see it felt different than suspecting it. He whistled and winced. “Poor Beej.” He gently lifted his friend out of her seat and she went with him easily and squinted at him. “Oh, you’re awake.”

“Huh?” she asked, leaning heavily against him. “I can’t hear you, my blood is on fire.”

He chuckled. “Oh, are you going to feel this in the morning.”

“What’s a mooring?”

“You mean morning?” He started leading her towards the stairs. Luckily, she seemed able to hold her own weight, she just needed help steering around the drunken patrons.

“Can I sleep now?” She asked, instead of responding to his question.

“You can sleep in just a few minutes, I promise.” Getting her up the stairs was the hardest part but at the top she pretty much marched to his bed without prompting and collapsed on it. She smiled at him giddily and he had to pinch himself to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. When he was sure this was real life, he stepped up and helped her take off her shoes. 

“I’m going to die alone.”

“Beej, come on. I’m sure that’s not true.” He wasn’t sure how to comfort her. Something had obviously pushed her over the edge.

“ _ I _ …” she said with emphasis, pointing to herself. “... am unlovable. I’m even unlikeable. Nobody likes me. My mother, my birth mother, she gave me up because, because why? There must have been something wrong about little baby me, that’s why. I bet I was an ugly baby, did you know I was bald until I was two? Leandra hated me since the first day she knew I existed. My sister hates me so much that she’d rather be in the Circle than be with me. Carver is probably dead, but if he’s alive he hates me so much that he wants me to believe he’s dead because it would be my fault. And Mal hates me too because I’m the reason he can’t go live his dream of being a boring, no monster-fighting, farmer. You hate me-”

“I don’t hate you, Beej.”

“ _ You hate me _ because I ruined our friendship by falling in love with you and now we can never go back to normal. Fenris hates me because he likes me, which doesn’t even make any sense.”

“Woah,” he started. “What’s this about Fenris?”

“Fenris had sex with me. I had sex with him too. We... had sex… on each other.”

“Yeah, I got  _ that _ part.”

“I thought maybe I was getting a chance to start something with someone who could maybe probably love me. I could fall in love with him... I could if I tried. But he left. You are probably the only person who ever really liked me even a little bit. If you didn’t love me, no one will.”

He sighed. “Oh, Beej. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling.”

“Nothing,” she said, staring at the ceiling. “I feel nothing. I’m numb all over.”

“That’s just the drink, Sweetheart, it’ll wear off.” She rolled over onto her side and Varric pulled his blanket up over her bare legs, stopping at her waist. “There we go. You’ll feel terrible in the morning, might as well enjoy the sleep.”

“I’m a mean person and nobody likes me. And the bad thing is, I know I’m a mean person and I don’t think I could stop even if I wanted to. I thought I was like this a’cuz it was the only think keeping my family safe. But now four out of the five family I started with is gone and I’m still a bitch.” She waved her hands in front of her. “You belief-ing this shit?!” Varric couldn’t help but laugh at her drunken antics, but he felt bad about it. “You,” she continued. “You’re my favorite. If you and Izzy were drowning I would… swim.”

Her train of thought was getting more and more difficult to follow. “Close your eyes now, we can discuss this in the morning.” She sighed laboriously but closed her eyes. She was out like a light the second they were shut and he made his way back to his desk.

 

Aveline blinked in confusion. Bodahn’s words didn’t seem to register. “What do you mean you don’t know where she is?”

“Serah Hawke left in the night. Orana was woken sometime after midnight by the front door closing and saw her walking down the road from her window.”

“Could she be at the bar? I understand she’s a regular fixture down there these days.”

“She was banned for life, Guard Captain. Varric was worried about her. She’s been drinking at home for the last few weeks,” he said, waving towards the dining room, where they kept the liquor.

Aveline stepped around the dwarf and walked into the other room, finding empty wine bottles on the floor. “She ran out,” she said, opening the liquor cabinet. “And probably went hunting for more. Sober BJ has the memory of a mouse, but drunk BJ is even worse, what is the likelihood that she forgot she’d been banned and went to the bar anyway?”

“Depressingly likely, Ma’am.”

Aveline sighed. “Yeah, that sounds about right. Damn it, she’s going to be soused.”She pressed her fingers against her temples and then turned to Bodahn. “Can you give her a message when you see her? Tell her the Viscount has a job for her involving the Qunari and to meet me at the compound when she sobers up.”

“Yes ma’am.”

 

When BJ woke up there was sun in her eyes and she groaned. Varric’s office did not face east, there's no way that was morning sun. How long had she slept? When she opened her eyes she was alone in the room and sat up slowly. She pulled her pants and shoes on and walked down into the bar. People had already started filling the place, it must have been at least mid afternoon. She had slept all day.

She walked up to the bar and Boris gave her a suspicious frown. “Just water,” she said, sitting down. “Please. Varric will be pissed if I die of dehydration on your watch.” The bartender rolled his eyes but poured her a glass and she gulped it down like a dying woman. She looked around at the people there. It was the saddest lot of all, the day drinkers. She sort of recognized one of the men on the other side of the counter and walked over. “Hey, you’re with the city guard, right? The bartender won’t serve me, if I gave you the coins would be buy me an ale?”

He grinned and she could smell the ale on his breath. He’d already been there for a while. “Tell ye what, pretty lady, I’ll buy it for ye meself. Today I’m paid and blessed. And all I had to do was turn me head.”

BJ frowned. She’d dealt with enough corrupt guardsmen to know what that meant. As an Iron it had sometimes been her job to bribe them to turn their heads. “Oh yeah?” she said casually, leaning against the counter. “Sounds like the kind of thing I’d like to get in on.”

“Hell yeah. We gonna show this city what to do with heathen oxmen.”

“The Qunari? Who would I talk to about being apart of this?”

He shrugged. “Don’t know the man’s name. Some Templar. Had the seal of the Grand Cleric and everything, so he must have been a big deal.”

She pushed off of the bar and ignored him calling for her. She had a bad feeling about this. They had never found the people the crazy elf with the Saar-qamek was working with. This could be their doing. She passed the house on the way to the Chantry and considered stopping by, just to assure everyone she was alive and maybe change her clothes. She should probably brush her hair too. But no, she continued forward. She saw the Grand Cleric up on the pulpit near the giant Andraste statue and hurried through the faithful to reach her before she wandered off.

“Grand Cleric!” she called.

The older woman looked up from the book in her lap and smiled softly. “Serah Hawke.”

BJ was surprised. “You know me?”

“Your mother spoke of you often. I was so sorry to hear of her passing, I sent some flowers, did you receive them?”

Oh yeah. She still needed to sign all those thank you notes Bodahn made. “Yeah, thank you for that. I meant to send notes out but…”

She shook her head. “There’s no need to worry, my dear. You grieve on your own time. Anyone who matters will wait. Now, what can I do for you?”

“I’m actually here on an… investigation of sorts. I suspect some guards may have been complicit in a crime and one of the guards I spoke to pointed his finger at a Templar who he said was in possession of your official seal. It’s got something to do with the Qunari.”

“Are you accusing me of something, dearie?”

“Not without proof. Right now I’m working on the assumption that the Templar was abusing your authority. Your assistance in this matter would go a long way to assure me.”

The Grand Cleric hummed and turned back to her book. “You’ll want to speak with Mother Patrice. I only ask that you be discrete.”

“Discretion is my middle name, Your Grace.” She turned and started down off the pulpit. She walked up to a nearby Mother. “Hello, can I speak to a Mother Patrice?” The Mother nodded sharply and walked away. She only had to wait for a few minutes before a vaguely familiar blonde woman walked up with a sneer. 

“Hawke,” she said distastefully.

“Uh, do I know you?”

That seemed to throw her off base. “You asked for me.”

“Yeah, I didn’t think we’d ever met before. I’m not really a religion kind of person.”

“I sent you to lead a freed Qunari out of the city. You threatened to kill me.”

“It’s not ringing any bells, I threaten a lot of people.”

“Oh, forget it. What do you want?”

“I’m here about a templar I believe is abusing the Grand Cleric’s authority.”

The Mother’s eyes narrowed. “I assure you the Templars would never embarrass the Chantry, at risk of the Knight Commander’s wrath.”

“Look, I know there was one involved with the bribery of a guard and I know it had something to do with the Qunari. After the incident a few months ago with the poisonous gas, I keep my eyes out for anything involving Qunari-haters.” The Mother was silent and BJ frowned. “You know something about it, don’t you? But does Her Grace?”

“The Grand Cleric trusts her stewards to enact the will of the Maker.”

“So, that’s a no. She’s right over there and I have a rapport with her. Should I go tell her?”

Patrice scowled. “Stubborn… Alright. If you won’t abandon this, let me offer you something. The Templar you seek is a radical that has grown unreliable. Confronting him may do us all a favor.”

“What do you have to do with it?”

“He is my former bodyguard, Ser Varnell. You’ve met him as well but judging by the stink of ale on you you won’t remember him either. Assume what you wish but I offer him to you as… reconciliation. Meet me at…” she quickly pulled a pen and a small notepad out of her pocket and jot something down. “... this location tonight. I invite you, Serah Hawke. Come see the unrest these Qunari have inspired.” She started to walk away, before turning back and smirking. “Have you heard from your guard friend today?”

“Aveline? No, why? Do you want me to bring her?”

“No need. She is already there.” Then she continued on.

The implication hit BJ like an ogre. “What did you do to her?!” she called, gaining the attention of the people around her. “What did you do to Aveline?!”

A templar walked over and firmly grabbed her arm. “Serah, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

She yanked her arm away but headed for the door. “Yeah, yeah, I’m going.” Her quick investigation just got a lot bigger. If Aveline was hurt, she was going to rain fire down on Mother Patrice.


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aveline's in a pickle. Luckily (or unluckily, depending) her friend BJ is on the case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! This is the chapter with the attempted suicide. Just wanted to give anyone concerned about it a heads up.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

She arrived at the Darktown entrance a few hours later, after the sun had gone down. She waited for almost twenty minutes before getting antsy and going inside without her. There was a long hall and she followed it to a tall chamber full of people. Some kind of rally. She pushed her way the front, there was someone speaking but she couldn’t see him.

“-any beast, remove the fangs and they are lost.”

She burst through as a cheer went up and gasped at the sight in front of her. Five Qunari, chained up and held in a line by the wall while a man in Templar garb paced in front of them. And Aveline, suspended by her arms with rope from a wood beam several feet above her head. Her feet touched the ground, but only just, and her arms were turning red from strain. She was alive at least, awake even, and watching the proceedings with a glare. There was blood on her forehead that trailed down to her chin but BJ couldn’t tell if it was hers, she didn’t see a wound.

Ser Varnell spoke again. “They are weak to the faithful of the Maker. The only certainty in their precious Qun is death before the righteous.” He pulled out his sword and stabbed the nearest Qunari through the stomach. There was a cheer as he ripped it out and the Qunari growled at him, obviously in pain but unwilling to express it. “And the guard has been complicit in their savagery,” he said, taking the bloody sword and pointing it at Aveline. “Any who do not serve the Maker’s will must fall.”

BJ was about to cast, she had to stop him, but Mother Patrice arrived just then. “Ser Varnell!” she called.

The Templar paused and dropped his arm to his side. “Take a knee, faithful. The Chantry blesses us.”

“You claim a blessing when you have used the authority of the Grand Cleric so openly? You have brought wrath down upon you. You remember Serah Hawke?” She pointed BJ out in the crowd and the people around her started murmuring. She stepped out, worried they’d get hostile, and hurried over to stand near Aveline. She wasn’t sure if attempting to cut her down would make her an even bigger target. She had to approach this carefully. “The Qunari have friends, Templar. How will you answer their allegations?”

The Templar stepped up to the Qunari he’d stabbed and swiftly slit his throat, staring at BJ the entire time. “Righteous!” he exclaimed. “Destroy her!”

BJ hurriedly clenched her fist and every civilian was suddenly brought down to the ground and immobilized. The spell was hard to hold for long when she wasn’t concentrating so she had to do this fast. She formed an ice sword and shield around her hands and started slashing at Ser Varnell until he brought up his own sword and they clashed in the middle. “I’ll kill you!”

“Mage,” he hissed. “I should have known. Only a monster would side with a savage!”

He brought up his foot and kicked her hard in the stomach. She flew onto her butt and then swiftly flipped herself over to get back on her feet. The Templar glowed a light blue color, the lyrium in his blood no doubt, and dispelled her magic. Her sword and shield melted off her hands like butter on a warm day and, one by one, the mob began to stand up.

“Oh, shit.” She dodged a swipe from Varnell’s sword and then scrambled over to where Aveline was tied up. The red head was much, much taller than she was and she couldn’t reach her hands so she leapt up and wrapped her legs around Aveline’s shoulders to support herself.

“Damn it, Hawke!” she roared, slightly muffled by BJ’s thigh against her mouth. “Get me down!”

“I’m working on it!” She pulled her dagger out of the little sheath on her belt and started sawing through the rope. “There must be a lot of sailors here, they did amazing work on these knots.”

“Hawke!”

“Yeah, yeah, keep your shirt on.”

“No, he’s coming!” BJ looked down and saw Varnell standing right in front of Aveline. He swung at her and she grabbed onto the rope to keep herself on while she dodged him. Aveline cried out as her body started swinging around from the momentum. She pulled her legs up to her chest and kicked Varnell into the group of protesters who were coming up behind him. They all tumbled to the ground in a heap. “Go faster!” She was still swinging around in a circle, unable to steady herself since she could only reach the floor on tip toes.

BJ paused sawing through the rope near Aveline’s hands and looked up, seeing that the rope at the beam was already weak and fraying. “This is taking too long, I need to cut it at the beam!”

BJ wrapped the rope around her hand and stood on Aveline’s shoulders to get a headstart. She started climbing the rope the several feet up to the beam while Aveline fended off attackers below with only her feet.

“Hawke!”

“Stop moving around so much and it would go faster!”

“People are trying to kill me!”

“People try to kill me everyday and you don’t hear me complaining!”

She sawed through the fraying rope with her dagger until she got through, holding onto the beam to keep from falling to the ground. Aveline fell over onto her side and quickly rolled away from a hoe that nearly took off her face. She kicked a nearby man in the stomach and took his sword. Her hands were tied together but she was still able to fight.

BJ aimed her body over Ser Varnell and dropped herself from the beam. She landed heavily on his shoulders and he stumbled from her weight but didn’t fall. She gripped his hair tight in one hand and his shoulder in the other to keep from falling off. She wrapped her legs around his head and leaned back with all her weight until they both fell into the ground.

She brought her dagger up and pressed it against his neck. The others were distracted fighting Aveline and no one came to his defense. She knocked away his weapon and shield with her feet. “You’re coming with me. I know a very angry man with horns who would love to meet you.”

 

They sat in the waiting room of the Viscount’s office for him to be awoken. BJ sat in a chair, drinking idly from a flask she had pulled from who knows where, and Aveline paced the floor in front of her.

“What’s stuck in your craw?” BJ asked. “We saved the Qunari, we didn’t kill any civilians, we did good. Plus, I saved your life, so you should stop being such an ass.”

“Hawke…” She sighed and sat down next to her, looking at her seriously. “BJ…”

“Oh, is this serious talk time?”

“I came to get you this morning from your house, but you were off Maker knows where sleeping off a bender. The only reason I got captured is because I relied on you and you weren’t there.”

“You have an entire force of guards who would have gone with you, you’re the one who went alone.”

“I was under strict orders from the Viscount to only bring you, which you would have known if you had been there. I think it’s time for you to admit that you have a problem. It’s interfering with your life. I think you need help.”

“I don’t have a problem. I can quit drinking any time I want to.”

“Then quit. Right now.”

“I don’t want to. Look I’m…” she let out a heavy breath and put down the flask, folding her hands in her lap. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you this morning, okay? I should have been. But it was a fluke, it won’t happen again. It won’t happen again, because I don’t have a problem.”

Aveline opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted when the door opened to the hall and the Viscount came in.

“Guard Captain,” he said in greeting. “I heard the report from my steward. Madness! Madness. Chantry involvement, even if they were a fringe element. Captain, you rounded up all who attended the rally?”

“All but Varnell,” BJ said. “He was killed in the fighting.”

Aveline seemed put off by the lie but BJ’s logic had convinced her to keep quiet. The Arishok had permitted them to rectify the Saar-qamek issue on their own, they should give him this in return. “We’ve already spoken to the Arishok. He has agreed to let them face our justice. This time.”

BJ had also convinced her to keep Patrice’s involvement to herself. She didn’t trust the Mother and wanted to keep an eye on her herself. If she got wind that the Viscount office was looking into her it could spook her.

The Viscount nodded. “I appreciate your help in this matter. As bad as this is, it could have been much worse if not for you. Kirkwall owes you. I owe you.”

BJ nodded and a few minutes later she and Aveline were leaving the office side by side.

“Thank you,” Aveline said as they were about to split up, the guard captain towards the barracks and BJ towards the exit. “Thank you for saving my life.”

“Any time. I don’t know where I’d be without the angel on my shoulder.”

“In jail, most likely. Although dead in a gutter is a possibility as well.”

“On that cheery thought… I’m going home.” She turned and started for the door.

“Hawke!” She called. BJ looked back at her over her shoulder but did not stop moving. “At least think about what I said. The Chantry has programs to help people like you.”

“Aggressive and brilliant heroes?”

“Drunkards, actually.”

She shrugged. “I don’t have a problem, there’s nothing to think about. I don’t need help.”

She arrived home shortly just as Bodahn was packing up to leave. “Ma’am! I’m so glad you’re alright, your brother and I were terribly worried. Also, your friend, Aveline, stopped by. She wanted you to meet her at the Qunari compound by the docks when you got in.”

“Yeah, thanks. I saw her. Thanks for your work today, see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, Serah,” he said before leaving.

She walked into the dining room to find a plate of cold food sitting at her usual chair and sat down in front of it. Her stomach rumbled and she realized she hadn’t eaten since breakfast the day before. The flavor was off because it was old but she ate it anyway. Orana came in when she was halfway finished and gasped. 

“Madam, no, that is cold. I was just coming to clean it up. Let me put it on the stove for a few minutes to warm it up.”

“It’s fine. Thank you, Orana. Could you bring me a glass of wine, please?”

“Of course. I just picked up some from the market today.”

“In fact,” she started. “Just bring me the bottle.” Orana did so, and BJ finished her cold dinner alone in the dark room. She sighed and pressed a cool hand to her heated forehead. “I’m a piece of shit human being. Why does anyone even tolerate me?” She could feel herself spiralling again, like she had last night. All she remembered from the night before was going downstairs to drink some wine after Fenris left and all these terrible thoughts clouded her mind. They had been dogging her for years, at least since Carver and Bethany were taken away. They had gotten worse after Leandra died and now they haunted her every waking moment. Was anyone ever going to love her? Had anyone ever loved her before? The thoughts were back, worse this time, and getting even worse with each drink she took. ‘You shouldn’t be alive,’ one of the thoughts said. She was terrified to find that she agreed with it.

She pulled up the hem of her pants until she could see the scarred sigil on her thigh. It would be quick and painless. She’d die before the explosion and she wouldn’t feel a thing. Everyone still in the house was asleep, no one would notice she’d left until morning. She could find a nice, empty stretch of pasture, say the words and poof- gone. She was out the door before she even realized she’d made a decision, marching to the edge of town with single-minded determination.

The grass was up to her waist now and the city was a distant blackness on the horizon but she kept walking until she was too tired to walk anymore. When she stopped she fell to the ground and folded her legs in front of her, running her fingers over the scar again and again. 

“Come on, you coward,” she chastised herself after several minutes staring into the darkness that surrounded her. “Just do it. Say the words. Say…” she trailed off and squeezed her eyes shut. “What am I doing? What am I doing?” She jumped to her feet and marched back to town, her entire body shaking.

 

Aveline awoke just before dawn as usual. She hummed to herself as she dressed for the day and made herself a hot cup of tea. The sun had risen when she stepped out of the door, otherwise she might have missed the dark mass sitting on the ground to the right. The figure looked small, curled in on herself so tightly that at first she thought it was a child. But then the figure looked up and she recognized her friend.

“Hawke?” she asked, leaning down to her.

The mage replied in a voice so tiny that Aveline almost didn’t hear it. “I need help.”


	33. Chapter 33

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Aveline walked in her house to find BJ curled up on her bed. “Alright,” she said, prompting the mage to sit up. “I cleared out all the booze from all your stashes, including the one behind the nightstand in your room that you didn’t tell me about.”

“I forgot about that one,” BJ said, unconvincingly.

“Normally, I would let you get away with that, but I need you to tell me the truth this time. This is serious. Is there any more alcohol in that house that you’re not telling me about?”

“No. Honest.”

“Liar. I also found the loose floorboard in the guest room. Do you want to get better or not?”

BJ sighed and brushed through the ends of her hair with her fingers. “Yes. I want to get better. I guess I’m in deeper than I thought.”

“Okay. Now, are there any other hiding places you haven’t told me about?”

“I also kept a bottle of wine in the window planter outside my room.”

“Yeah, I found that one too. All the dead flowers gave it away.” She sighed and put her hands on her hips. “Alright. This is a good first step. I’m proud of you. Do you want to talk about last night now? What made you have such a drastic change of heart?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fine. You don’t have to talk about it with me, but I wish you’d talk about it with someone. Should I get Mal?”

“No!” BJ exclaimed. “No, please don’t tell Mal. He’s already so disappointed in me, this is going to make it worse.”

Aveline sat down next to her. “Mal is not disappointed in you. He just wants you to be happy and he is disappointed that you’re not. I just want you to be happy too. What about Varric?”

“I drunkenly unloaded all of my deepest insecurities on him the other night, I can’t burden him with more.”

“Varric would welcome your burdens, you know. He loves you.”

Her heart still skipped a beat even though she knew that Aveline meant it in a platonic sense. “I know. But still…”

“What about that Chantry program I told you about? You won’t know any of the people in there, you get a companion whose been through the system before that you can talk to whenever you need help, and the Mother who runs it very supportive. She comes down to the drunk tank every couple of days to talk to the people there and several of them have already joined the program. It seems to be helping them.”

“I don’t think talking about my feelings and praying to the Maker is going to help. I started drinking because my life was a mess. My life is still a mess. I’m not going to be fixed until my life is fixed. The only way to do that is to be with my family again, but that’s not possible. I’m broken and I will always be broken, the best I can do is mitigate the consequences.” She stood up started towards the door. “Thank you for your help. I’m going to go to my booze-free home and try to be a good sister for the first time in years.”

“Let me know if you need anything. I know I’m hard on you, but I do care about you.”

“I know. Thank you.”

 

Mal was working in the vegetable garden when BJ came home and plopped herself down on the dirt beside him. “Hi,” she said.

Mal blinked. “Hi. Where have you been? I feel like I haven’t see you in days.”

“Because you haven’t. Do you want to do something today? With me? Together with me?”

He chuckled. “Like what? I’m not really one to bond over drinks, you know.”

“I quit drinking.”

He looked up at her in shock. “What? Really? That’s great! How’s that going?”

“Fine. I just got tired of it.”

He seemed unconvinced but didn’t press her. “I just need to finish weeding and then I’m all yours. Got some bad guys to fight? Children to save?”

“Don’t know. I’m sure we’ll find something. There’s always someone who needs saving in this town.” She stood up and left him to his weeding to go change her clothes and brush her hair for the first time in more than week. She even pulled it up into a top knot and assessed it in the mirror. She hadn’t worn a top knot since she was a teenager. It looked odd but she left it up. When she walked downstairs she instinctively found herself walking towards the liquor cabinet and had to stop herself. She got a glass of water instead. She wished it were wine but she drank it anyway.

 

She was pouting. She felt like a child to call it that but it was the most accurate word for what her face was doing. “What are we doing here?” She asked, looking up at the Chantry. Mal was walking up the stairs but she stopped at the bottom. 

“After what happened yesterday we should deliver this note in person. You wouldn’t have found Aveline without the Grand Cleric’s help.”

“I would have found her.”

“Dead.”

“But I still would have found her.”

Mal sighed. “We’re not here to pray, Beej. I wouldn’t know how to do it anyway. We walk in, give her the thank you note, we walk out.”

“Fine.” She followed him inside. The Grand Cleric was on the pulpit where she had been yesterday, but now she was talking to someone. A young, not unattractive man dressed in high end armor.

“Sebastian?” Mal murmured in surprise.

“You know that man?”

“Yeah, I did a favor for him a few years ago, right after the expedition. Avenged his family who were killed by mercs. He’s some kind of prince or something, whatever.”

“And where was I?”

“The Hanged Man. Where else?’

“Oh yeah. Well, let’s wait until they’re done.” They got close enough then to hear the conversation.

“I thought it would end here,” the man said in an accent she had never heard before. “Young master Hawke killed Flint Company, none remain. Yet, now that I know who sent them its difficult to view their deaths as justice.”

“Death is never justice.”

“I- Hawke!” The man said, glancing over and seeing Mal off to the side. “We were just talking about you.”

It was odd hearing someone call Mal ‘Hawke’. Usually people called him by his name to differentiate him from his sister. “Saying good things, I hope,” he said, grinning.

“Of course. I learned who hired Flint Company- the Harimanns, a noble family of Kirkwall. They were my parents’ allies. It’s hard to believe they betrayed us like this.”

“Did Lord Harimann die, violently, a few years ago?” BJ interjected. “Killed by a Red Iron merc?”

Mal looked at her with wide eyes. “Beej? You-” The Grand Cleric cleared her throat and Mal paused. Maybe he shouldn’t be accusing his sister of murder in front of other people. “Uh… Sebastian. This is my twin sister, BJ. She’s my boss.”

“That implies you get paid.”

Sebastian frowned. “It’s lovely to meet you, BJ. To answer your question, I had… heard he was murdered. His daughter took over the family. Lady Johane Harimann. They say she’s become quite reclusive of late.”

“Any idea why they turned on you?” BJ asked.

“Money? Power? It’s hard to say. Lady Harimann was always jealous of my family for being royalty when hers were mere nobility. But I can’t imagine that pushing her into outright murder.”

“Maybe you should pay this lady a visit?”

Mal winced. “Is there no peaceful way to resolve this?”

The Grand Cleric spoke again. “If you treat the Harimanns like those mercenaries, you could start a war. Go carefully, Sebastian.”

“I must speak to Lady Harimann and find out what drove her to this… madness. But I am the last of my line. I should not go alone and make myself a target.”

“We’ll go with you,” Mal said.

BJ raised an eyebrow. “We will? He just said he’s going to talk to her. If there’s not going to be a fight I might as well go home.”

“But this was supposed to be a bonding day for us, remember? I’m going.”

She sighed. “Fine.”

 

When they arrived at the Harimann mansion BJ held out a hand to stop the others’ advance. “The door… it’s open.” The door blew in the wind, snapping open and then slowly beginning to close before getting caught in the breeze again. “And no guards. Something isn't right about this.”

“This is not the Lady Harimann I remember,” Sebastian said.

They walked up the stairs and started peeking into the empty rooms. BJ led them through a hallway and into the larder. There was a voice in there as they turned to corner and found a woman screaming at a barrel. 

“More! You lazy son of a bitch, what’s taking so long?!” 

“Flora?” Sebastian asked, stunned by the sight in front of him.

Flora continued like she didn’t even notice them. “Why does no one in this house care what I want? More wine! Or I swear, I will drown you in the dregs!”

The scene made BJ uncomfortable. It hit too close to home and she was just now trying to get over that part of her life.

“She doesn’t even see us,” Sebastian said. “This is no normal wine.”

The idea of a wine that made it impossible to interact with other people was too tempting so BJ turned on her heel and led them swiftly out of the larder and into the dining room. There was a man in there pacing next to a cauldron over an open campfire. And indoor campfire, it wasn’t even in the fireplace just feet away from him.

“More logs,” he said frantically. “It must be molten! You! Go get every coin in his house!” They followed his eyes and BJ glared at the sight in front of them. An elven man stood nearby with a sword held up to an elven woman’s throat.

“P-Please, messere…” she mumbled. 

“There’s nothing to fear,” he said, ignoring them as they moved closer. “You’ll be beautiful. Pour it over her!”

“Don’t!” Sebastian said. “You’ll kill her!”

“I don’t think he’s concerned.” 

BJ walked up and grabbed the elf man by the hair and pulled him to the ground. Sebastian walked up and took the woman’s arm. “Run,” he said, leading her safely out the door.

The man didn’t seem to notice his prize was gone. “Maybe I should be the one…”

“We must stop this madness…”

The continued through the door on the other side of the room. They walked up some stairs and stepped into a room with an open door to a sight they… didn’t expect to say the least.

“Ooooh, lower!” said a naked man as a woman got on her knees before him. “Lower!”

Sebastian’s face was red and he refused to look directly at the couple. “I beg your pardon, my lady,” he said. He must have been talking to BJ but he wouldn’t look at  her either. “I did not mean to expose you to such things.”

“Eh,” BJ said, turning back towards the door. “I’ve done worse.”

“No!” crowed the man as they left. “The feather! Use the feather! Where have you been all my life?!”

Sebastian stopped moving and looked back at the scene. “He has no idea we’re here. I’ve known Ruxton Harimann my whole life. He’s a complete prude.”

“Where’s your brother?” Ruxton said to the woman between his legs. “Let’s ask him to join us."


End file.
